“What are you doing,” I asked my father.
“I’m babysitting.”
“What?”
“The kids are here.”
“Which kids?”
“You know, the kids from the neighborhood. They like to come here and play … they should be in the other room.”
He said this so realistically that even though I did not hear anything, I got up and made the rounds — first, to the dining room, then to the side entryway and the top of the basement stairs. I opened the basement door and listening carefully, heard nothing. I continued into the kitchen and then back to the foyer where I had arrived, earlier. Finally, I walked through the living room and back to the sunroom where my father was sitting.
“I didn’t see them,” I said.
“Oh, then they may have gone upstairs to play. They usually play among themselves.”
“Hold on a minute, let me check,” I said as I got up, walked through the living room and into the foyer in order to run upstairs. I checked the bedrooms and closets before checking the attic.
I had just arrived from California and was in disbelief at my father’s matter-of-fact statements. Yet, I didn’t want to judge him; so, I remained calm and said, “Nope, no kids.”
“Oh? They must have gone home, when you came.”
As dementia progresses, damage to the brain results in a variety of symptoms in our loved ones. Two of these, among others, are hallucinations and delusions. According to the Alzheimer’s Association, hallucinations involve sensory perceptions such as seeing, hearing and tasting, while delusions are false beliefs including bouts of paranoia.
[See: How Music Helps People With Alzheimer’s Disease.]
We Can’t Know What’s Going Through a Person’s Mind
A former caregiver friend who also showed signs of dementia after her husband died with Alzheimer’s, responded with a slap, punch, kick, or cane jab to most kind gestures. A gentle massage of her forearm or an attempt to brush her hair were met with resistance. Surprisingly, she loved hugs. Once, it took me 45 minutes to trim one fingernail.
Years earlier, she spoke of being raised by her grandmother after being beaten by her mother on multiple occasions. Perhaps, she felt threatened by helpful gestures, recalling these incidents some 75 to 80 years earlier. I felt sorry for her caregivers after she moved into residential care. Whatever it was she perceived, she responded to most offers of assistance with a slap, kick, cane poke, punch and painful pinch.
[See: 14 Ways Caregivers Can Care for Themselves.]
Hallucinations and Delusions Are Often Unexpected
Beyond the day-to-day care, which is overwhelming, delusions wrapped in paranoia will break a caregiver’s heart. Oftentimes, a misplaced wallet, purse or keys will result in hurled accusations to family caregivers and even professionals. “You took my purse!” “You stole my money!” “I haven’t eaten in a week.”
My late mother was alarmed and for weeks expressed disdain after my grandmother said she didn’t have anything to eat. A dried orange positioned on the corner of her dresser left my mother believing her mother-in-law. It’s likely she didn’t want to waste the orange having escaped the Armenian Genocide decades earlier. My father said something similar to my husband an hour after we finished eating, “I haven’t had a thing to eat in a week!”
People With Dementia Will Have Hallucinations of Departed Family Members
While living with us, my father felt comforted by his late wife. When I came into his bedroom, he held his finger to his lips and whispered, “Shhhh, Ma’s sleeping.” Again, despite her passing almost four years earlier, I tiptoed to the bed and gently removed the covers. Restraining my surprise at his comment, I said, “We can talk louder, now. I think she got up to make us breakfast.” He smiled and said, “Good. I’m hungry.”
Sometimes, the Hallucinations and Delusions Are Funny
While talking about his three children, my father asked me about the other brother. “What? I have another brother?” I played along, realizing this made-up admission was coming from a mind trying to muddle through the devastating destruction of Alzheimer’s.
[See: 9 Habits That May Reduce Your Risk of Developing Alzheimer’s.]
A caregiver friend once found her husband with Alzheimer’s holding another woman’s hand. Heartbroken, she removed him from the nursing home. Less than a month later, she returned him to the home realizing this is the disease and not a threat to their nearly six decades of marriage.
Regardless of how we react to our loved ones’ hallucinations and delusions, we must remember they are real for them. They can be frightening, joyful, funny or disdainful. The key is not to challenge their reality. Instead, understand the nature of the disease and try as hard as you can to go along with and comfort them. Be sure to practice what I call the “diamond tip” of caregiving.
The Alzheimer’s Association also offers tips for dealing with people having hallucinations or delusions on the second page of this PDF document such as “assess the reality of the situation” and “respond honestly.”
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Caregiving for People With Dementia Who Hallucinate originally appeared on usnews.com
