Julia Breur, a licensed clinical psychotherapist in Boca Raton, Florida, says it’s important to clarify and even correct many false beliefs surrounding attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. “There are numerous myths and misconceptions about ADHD that are considered to be facts by those who do not appear to understand what ADHD exactly is,” she says. If you’re an adult who does not have ADHD, here are some things to keep in mind about other adults who do.
[See: 8 Things You Didn’t Know About Counseling.]
A person with ADHD can’t just turn off behaviors the same way a neurotypical person, Breur says. While medication and psychotherapy can help manage symptoms, Breur notes others may still perceive such individuals as perpetually rude, irresponsible, insensitive or clumsy. People without the disorder often stick with these assumptions, thinking that all a person with ADHD has to do is simply try harder. Such thoughts are unfair, Breur adds, because “people with ADHD try hard their entire life.”
Having ADHD Isn’t Synonymous With Rudeness
Elizabeth Broadbent, a South Carolina resident with ADHD who works as a freelance writer and has authored many articles for ADDitude magazine in print and online, adds that sometimes people with ADHD may say something abruptly that is unrelated to the conversation at hand. “It’s not that we weren’t listening to you or don’t care what you had to say. It’s that we just absolutely had to say something right then.” She explains that while her behavior may sometimes seem disrespectful, it’s not. “It’s a function of our disorder.”
People with ADHD process information differently, explains Stephanie Sarkis, an author and psychotherapist in Tampa, Florida. What they’re told and what they hear can often be two different things, so she says those without the disorder should not “take anything they do personally.” If, for example, a partner forgets to take the trash out, Sarkis says it’s not because he or she doesn’t want to or is conveniently ignoring a request, but rather it’s because easily becoming distracted — and sometimes forgetting things as a result — is a symptom of the condition.
“I’m aware we can be off-putting,” says Dona Yasser, an adult with ADHD who resides in New Jersey. Her habits have included bursting into someone’s office with an idea, talking too much or completing another person’s sentence. However, she says these actions don’t stem from the desire to be rude intentionally; they’re a part of her ADHD. Besides, her behaviors have been improving: “The older I get, the more I have learned to control these habits,” she says.
[See: Hoarding, ADHD, Narcissism: Inside the Minds of History’s Great Personalities.]
It’s Anything But a Deficit
Despite the fact that “deficit” is a part of the disorder’s name, Yasser feels it’s an inaccurate word. “There is not an attention deficit, there’s an attention explosion,” she says, explaining that just because it may appear that she’s not focusing on someone or on a work project, it’s because her mind “is connecting the conversation or task with a hundred other possibilities. I’m not inattentive. Essentially, when the tap starts running, it’s time to get a bucket and catch the creativity.”
Breur reminds others that many creative people have ADHD, including Jim Carrey and Bill Gates.
Yasser says that while it may take her some time to “settle into a task,” when she’s in her “zone,” that’s a sign for others not to disturb her. “ADHD hides a little gem called ‘hyperfocus,'” she says, debunking the myth that most people with ADHD are rarely able to get things done. “Give me a closed office door or headphones in a busy room, and I can knock out what’s needed by deadline.”
People With ADHD Are Sensitive
Interrupting or sometimes saying things that seem out of place may give rise to thoughts that people with the disorder are rude and lack sensitive feelings. But Broadbent says that people with ADHD can be highly sensitive. “There’s such a thing called rejection sensitive dysphoria,” she says. “Basically, we feel perceived, imagined or real slights more than other people do.” She explains that people with ADHD are often “anxiously awaiting the next social blow.”
ADHD Isn’t Only a Childhood Disorder or a Joke
Many neurotypical people may joke that they’re having an ADHD moment or even argue with an ADHD adult that the disorder isn’t real since everyone can experience inattention or feel hyper on occasion. Others may insist it’s a health condition only young children have.
Such comments diminish the severity of the disorder, Breur says, noting that while everyone struggles with interruptions and distractions or feels overwhelmed, the difference is that people with ADHD experience these challenges more frequently.
Broadbent adds that another misconception is that ADHD is only something adolescents have, a statement she flatly calls inaccurate.”Please don’t treat it that way, or act like it’s a joke. It’s a serious disorder that makes my life difficult in many invisible ways,” she says. The nonprofit organization Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or CHADD, notes that approximately 10 million adults have ADHD, which can impact careers, relationships and lead to “chronic feelings of frustration, guilt or blame.”
[See: 10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health.]
Don’t Assume, Just Ask
Caroline Maguire, a 41-year-old with ADHD who is a professional clinical counselor and the founder of New England Coaching Services in Massachusetts, says there’s a phrase linked with autism to convey the fact that everyone experiences the disorder differently: “You’ve not seen autism until you’ve seen my autism.” She feels that a similar phrase is needed for ADHD because each person’s challenges and symptoms vary and are managed differently.
“Every single person with ADHD experiences their ADHD in their own unique way,” says Breur, who suggests asking someone with ADHD about their disorder rather than making assumptions. “Tell them you want to learn and understand their ADHD. Connect, relate and embrace a person who has ADHD. It will make your life experience much richer and I predict their life richer, too.”
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What Adults Who Don?t Have ADHD Should Know About Adults Who Do originally appeared on usnews.com
