As one of only a few pediatricians at last week’s TED2017 conference in Vancouver, British Columbia, I want to let you in on a little secret I’m fairly sure most parents and conference attendees don’t know: The TED conference is actually a parenting conference.
Sure, influential people from around the globe gather to hear thought-provoking talks delivered on “the world’s largest stage.” But when you get right down to it, the 90-plus carefully curated talks collectively paint a picture of the world in which our children will live.
It is this glimpse into what the future holds for our kids that makes TED especially relevant to parents. Whether you’re the world’s greatest female athlete sharing thoughts on becoming a parent (as Serena Williams did), or a parent on the go, what unites us is our shared hopes and dreams for our children. The legacy we leave will depend on how well we prepare our children to live healthy, meaningful and productive lives in a rapidly changing, complex world. This makes parents the people most in need of knowing the direction in which the world is headed. Ironically, we are also the least likely to have enough spare time to watch a 15-minute video online. That’s why I’m so compelled to share a handful of key parenting takeaways from TED2017.
[See: 10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health.]
Learning to Play in the Same Sandbox
OK, so no one actually used the word “sandbox.” But from architect Grace Kim’s description of living in more socially connected neighborhoods to urban planner Peter Calthorpe’s vision of cities designed to maximize cohesiveness, the importance of learning to play well with others in the shared spaces where we live has never been clearer. Al Gore and many others reminded us to apply this concept to the biggest sandbox of all — our planet — by protecting the environment.
Shifting the Focus From “Me” to “We”
As a pediatrician, I can tell you this shift begins around age 3. At TED2017, musicians reinforced the unifying aspects of music, while the live-streamed words of Pope Francis reminded us “we can only build the future by standing together.” Behavioral economist and neuroscientist duo Dan Ariely and Mariano Sigman made the case that collectively sharing ideas leads to more “right” answers — both factual and moral — while author Ashton Applewhite cautioned us that “all prejudice relies on ‘othering,'” a divisive tendency to focus on differences rather than our shared humanity. Even bioinformatics visionary Wang Jun concluded that understanding the “digital me” isn’t enough. We must focus on the “digital we.”
Making Friends
In an ode to friendship, psychologist Susan Pinker shared that social integration and close relationships rank highest on the list of what it takes to live a long and happy life — ranking above even kicking bad habits such as smoking and drinking alcohol in excess and making positive lifestyle improvements like exercising. Equally compelling was physicist David Brenner’s description of his new approach to combating drug-resistant superbugs — a professional war waged in honor of a personal friend. For all the promise of technology, the clear takeaway is that friendship and meaningful relationships matter most.
Looking Up — and All Around
When author Anne Lamott described how bees become trapped in mason jars, even in the absence of lids, simply because they don’t look up, this fun fact got me thinking about how many speakers were on stage because they do look up — from climate researcher Kate Marvel, whose cloud-gazing is helping to combat global warming, to psychologist Adam Alter’s plea to look up from our screens. But looking up isn’t enough. It’s also about looking down and all around, like the glaciologist Kristin Poinar looking beneath Greenland’s massive ice sheets, Elon Musk’s vision of reusable rockets and traffic-alleviating tunnels and so many other visionaries who remind us, as parents, the value of seeing a world of possibilities — and teaching our children to do the same.
[Read: How to Close the Empathy Gap.]
Focusing on How Our Kids Use Technology
One elephant in the room, where much focus was on breaking technological barriers, was the potentially negative effects technology can have on kids. PBS’s Sara DeWitt shared technology’s promise of promoting learning, empathy and connectedness, while Alter warned that the way we consume media today sucks us in with no “stopping cues ” — encouraging behavior that’s dangerously analogous to allowing children to eat mouthful after mouthful of marshmallows.
Google design ethicist Tristan Harris revealed that there are hundreds of engineers whose sole job it is to technologically control the thoughts, feelings and behaviors of billions, including our children. His concerning conclusion: “The race for attention [has become] a race to the bottom of the brainstem” — the same part of the brain responsible for all of the impulsive behaviors we work so diligently to teach preschoolers to control. This should make all parents stop and pay especially close attention to ensuring we teach our kids to control their use of technology instead of the other way around. Recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics include setting time limits and considering the quality of the content kids are consuming, while emphasizing that mealtime, playtime and bedtime should be screen-free.
Seeing the World Through a Child’s Eyes
My children’s book co-author, Julia Cook, has long shared that “in order to teach children, you must enter their view of the world.” If nothing else, TED is all about retaining childlike curiosity, as demonstrated by stuntman Richard Browning, who strapped on jet packs in order to fly. British photographer Levon Biss perhaps captured it best, noting how his “curiosity and creativity had become dulled by familiarity.” It was only through the eyes of his still-curious-about-the-world child that he stumbled upon what would become his life’s work photographing insects.
Harnessing Parenting Superpowers
In today’s world, creativity, critical thinking and people skills are nothing short of superpowers — earning their place among the World Economic Forum’s Top 10 skills needed to thrive, and recognized by speakers ranging from TED Prize winner Dr. Raj Panjabi’s vision of community health workers as superheroes to powerhouse performer Cynthia Erivo’s conviction that “with music, we have a bit of superpower.”
As parents, we too have superpowers. What we do matters, as noted by speakers ranging from Pulitzer Prize-winning author Dr. Atul Gawande, who made the case that “everyone needs a coach,” to science journalist Helen Pearson, who concluded that our parenting superpowers are evidenced in our everyday life-changing acts of talking, reading and listening to our children. While we can help prepare our children for the future, Lamott reminds that each child must eventually take their “hero’s journey” on their own.
[See: 10 Ways to Raise a Giving Child.]
As parents, we have the power to not only decide what stories we tell our children about the world — a complex world rich in wonder and diversity — but the unique opportunity to bring to life the stories they will eventually tell to define themselves. And that is another TED conference-inspired idea I hope you agree is worth sharing.
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Key Parenting Takeaways From the TED2017 Conference originally appeared on usnews.com
