The popular Netflix series “13 Reasons Why” has sparked controversy for its graphic portrayal of a teenager killing herself and other issues, including sexual assault and bullying.
“Some people are enjoying the series, some people are saying that it’s way too graphic, some people are saying it’s irresponsible,” says Peter Faustino, a middle school psychologist who treats high schoolers in private practice in New York. If there are so many varied reactions, then there are a lot of varied perceptions about the show’s themes, he says.
Suicide is among the leading causes of death for adolescents.
The show and similar programs can offer a starting point for parents and educators to talk with teens about suicide, says Dr. Christine Moutier, chief medical officer at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
The content of the show, based on a young adult novel, may elevate risk for some vulnerable youth, she says. But using the show as a hook to talk with teens about what they are going through may create a moment of prevention — not harm.
Still, Moutier encourages parents to view the show with teens and doesn’t advise teens with previous suicidal crises or attempts to watch.
The show shouldn’t be used as a teaching tool or prevention resource in schools either, she says. Instead, educators should discuss the show with their students if it comes up.
Faustino, a board member of the National Association of School Psychologists, which created a guide for educators and families about the show, advises not to discuss the show in class unless students are distracted and already talking about it. But at minimum, high schools should be promoting suicide awareness and that there are adults available to help.
Parents and teachers can use the following points for guidance when having conversations about suicide.
1. Let teens take the lead in conversations: In the case of “13 Reasons Why,” adults should start conversations by asking teens if they’ve heard of the show, if they’ve watched it and what they think about it, says Moutier. Then, adults should let teens take the lead and listen.
“It’s hard. We’re so quick to have ideas and jump in with instructions and directions for our teens,” she says.
2. Watch for warning signs: Teens may offer opinions about the show or how it relates to their own life experiences, such as loneliness, depression, anxiety or hopelessness, during these conversations, Moutier says.
[Learn how parents and teachers can help teens with loneliness.]
If parents and educators notice any level of distress, tone down the conversation, she says. “If they are telling you about some level of hopelessness or feeling overwhelmed, it’s very likely that’s like the tip of the iceberg.” Be ready to ask if they’ve thought about suicide, don’t judge and be ready to lead teens to professional help, she says.
Parents should watch for obvious warning signs, such as withdrawal from usual activities, and don’t write off behavior changes as stress or usual teenage issues. “You might not be able to put your finger on it,” she says. Teens might seem preoccupied, or their mood and some of the things they say may come across darker.
3. Ask teens how their friends are doing: “They know about what their friends are thinking or feeling, but they don’t often know what to do with that,” says Faustino. Parents can offer to listen and give guidance.
Teens don’t generally go to their parents for help if they are concerned about a friend, Faustino says.
4. Ensure conversations are in the context of suicide prevention and express hope: Adults should tell teens that suicide is preventable and that there’s no shame in sharing information with a trusted adult, Moutier says.
“The basic message can be that life is full of challenges,” she says.
[How parents can help depressed teens get through school.]
It’s always better for parents to err on the side of caution, says Faustino. Mental health professionals in schools can help students and parents, Faustino says.
Similarly, adults and students can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741-741.
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4 Points for Parents, Teachers to Talk With Teens About Suicide originally appeared on usnews.com
