Like many Americans, Lori Kogan hauled herself out of bed and to the gym on New Year’s Day 2006 with new resolve to make early-morning fitness a habit. But unlike many Americans, Kogan’s commitment never wavered; she went to the gym the next morning, and the next morning and the next.
[See: 8 Morning and Nighttime Rituals Health Pros Swear By.]
Her secret? “I saw this guy there and I thought, ‘That guy’s really cute,’ and proceeded to think that for a month or so,” remembers Kogan, now a counseling psychologist and associate professor at Colorado State University. At that point, the pair struck up a conversation, started working out together and eventually took their relationship out of the gym and into a coffee shop. Today, they hit the gym every weekday morning as husband and wife.
“[The gym] is a great place to meet people because you’re looking for people who have a similar lifestyle … or one you aspire to have,” Kogan says. “Doing an activity is a great way to engage with somebody that’s not quite as intense as conversations over dinner.”
Others agree. In fact, a survey of 1,000 Brits conducted by a U.K. dating website found the gym to be the best place to hit on (and be hit on by) strangers. Pubs ranked No. 3; nightclubs and the workplace didn’t even make the top 10. The world of dating apps and matchmaking services is catching on, too: Consider Sweatt, an app that matches people based on when, how often and how they work out, or the Love Me Run, a 5K in which singles run five 1-kilometer loops with different potential partners. “More and more people are recognizing that [health and fitness are] a key life value, and that it’s important to put it out there and find someone who’s similar to you,” says Terri Orbuch, a sociology professor at Oakland University in Rochester, Michigan, who’s known as “The Love Doctor.”
But even more than a mutual love of, say, art or animals, a passion for exercise bodes particularly well for couples-to-be. Brain-imaging research shows that exercise generates some of the same mood-boosting and pleasure-enhancing neurotransmitters that have also been shown to be released when people see pictures of people they love romantically. Taken together, the findings suggest that consistent exercise might prime the brain to feel love, speculates Rachael Donalds, a Boston University doctoral student in counseling psychology who studies how social and physical environments interact to affect people’s well-being. “[Exercise] is not only training your muscles, but also training your brain to experience love.”
Similarly, exercise creates a state of arousal that can positively color your experience, including the people pumping iron around you, says Orbuch, author of “Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship.” “I’m constantly telling people about fitness and exercise as not only a way to find love or potential partners, but to boost the passion in your relationship,” she says.
Merging your love and gym lives can also boost your commitment to fitness, Josh Leve, founder and CEO of the Association of Fitness Studios in Oakland, California, has found. Six years ago, he fell in love with his Pilates instructor, who encouraged him to take up distance running. After finishing a 5K, 10K and 10-mile race, Leve proposed after the pair completed a half-marathon. They’ve been married two years. “[Exercise] has become part of my daily routine, whereas for her, it just comes naturally,” he says.
Inspired? Here’s how experts suggest (literally) chasing love:
1. Keep an open mind.
When Tara Fitzpatrick bared nearly all two years ago for the Mason City, Iowa, Cupid’s Undie Run — a Valentine’s Day-themed race in which participants run about a mile in their underwear to raise money for the Children’s Tumor Foundation and neurofibromatosis research — she didn’t expect to find romance. But the race gave her the opportunity to spark up a conversation with one of the event’s volunteer photographers. The pair has been dating (and participating in Cupid’s Undie Run together) ever since. “Put yourself out there,” says Fitzpatrick, Mason City’s deputy assessor. Doing so — whether by signing up for a flirty 5K or joining a singles hiking club — allows you to “open yourself up to more opportunity than if you’re swiping left or right,” Leve adds.
[See: 10 Themed Races To Make Getting in Shape Fun.]
2. Be yourself.
Kogan’s now-husband saw her in gym gear many times before ever laying eyes on her in a flirty top or first-date-worthy dress. “When you’re working out and you’re all sweaty, then you are who you are,” she says. “Some of that pretense that goes with the artificiality of some other dating settings is already done.”
Indeed, Donalds says, any environment you enjoy that forces you to be present allows you to be authentic in a way that’s attractive to potential partners. (At the gym, for example, you can’t waste energy worrying about the bags under your eyes when you’re worried about the weight overhead.) When you work out with the intention of centering yourself rather than improving your looks, Donalds says, “you’re better able to pursue a more meaningful relationship with someone else.”
3. Be consistent.
When Kogan started her early-morning gym routine, she didn’t realize her pattern was backed by a psychological concept called the “mere exposure effect” as a top way to find love. “If you go to the same class or the gym at the same time, or you see the same people, that exposure to those people will increase liking to you and you to them,” Orbuch says. Read: Sign up for a recurring class, join a weekly run club or at least be sure to hit the gym at about the same time each time you go. “Take it slow,” Kogan suggests. “You’re going to see them again.”
[See: How to Be the New Kid in Fitness Class.]
4. Use common sense.
Of course, most people go to the gym with one goal: to work out. Don’t forget that. “You want to make sure you’re not infringing on someone’s boundaries,” Orbuch says, so don’t interrupt him or her mid-circuit, try to score a number from someone wearing headphones or flirt with your personal trainer before understanding the gym’s policies. Instead, Leve suggests, strike up a conversation about fitness when the time and place are right, like in the lobby after a class you’ve taken together a few times. Just like chatting up a stranger at the bar, Leve says, “you just have to do it the right way.”
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How to Find Love Through Fitness originally appeared on usnews.com
