When you have one child, it can feel as if the entire world is telling you that your child needs a sibling. Your mother, your mother-in-law, friends, even total strangers feel compelled to comment on your family size.
Some say a brother or sister will solve behavioral problems you might be witnessing. For instance, your child won’t share his toys, or she’s not making friends, or he’s not doing well in school or she’s having a meltdown in the grocery store. These incidents and the comments you hear can shake your confidence.
You will probably waiver each time something goes wrong, and think, “This wouldn’t be happening if my child had a sibling.” You may begin to wonder if a sibling will resolve your son or daughter’s issues as well as provide him or her companionship later in life. There are benefits to siblings, but rarely can they be counted on as a cure-all for behavioral or emotional difficulties or your child’s success in life.
[See: 10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health.]
With regard to academic success and educational aspirations, there are distinct advantages to being an only child. A study by Feifei Bu of the University of Essex in the UK found that firstborn children — whether they are male or female — have higher aspirations, and that these aspirations play a significant role in determining their levels of professional attainment later in life.
That certainly holds true when you consider the long list of prominent only children, including Franklin D. Roosevelt, Indira Gandhi, Alan Greenspan, John Updike and Barbara Bush, to name just a few.
In a presentation to the American Sociological Association, Ohio State researchers explained why that may be by looking at the dilution theory. Simply put, parents have a finite amount of time, attention and money to devote to their children. The more children in a family, the less each child receives.
In important areas, such as self-confidence, calmness, health or age of marriage and education, “onlies are much more like other children than they are different,” reported John Claudy of the American Institutes for Research more than 30 years ago. His landmark 20-year study mirrored Bu’s, also showing that only children in two-parent homes exhibited higher intelligence and higher levels of achievement than children with one sibling.
[See: What to Say and Do If Your Daughter Thinks She’s Fat.]
As part of the research for my book, “The Case for the Only Child,” I spoke with Pete Stavinoha, a neuropsychologist at the Children’s Medical Center Dallas. He concurs with Claudy’s findings and explained one reason for an only child’s success: “Only children have the best of everything and, in some ways, they are better off. Not sharing their parents’ time and resources helps to explain only children’s achievement motivation and verbal skills. They are more likely to continue higher education and more driven to succeed. Some parents choose to have one child for those very reasons,” he told me.
Your having an only child may have been due to several factors. Maybe you started your family “later,” had fertility complications or want to keep your career path uninterrupted. Your reasons could be economical or personal ones that you don’t want or need to discuss with anyone. In those trying moments when you question whether you’ve made the right choice in raising your child as a singleton, remember that countless elements go into a happy upbringing.
“Understanding the fundamentals of what builds a child’s personality requires one to revisit the inexhaustible argument of nature versus nurture,” noted Samantha Olson in her Medical Daily article, “Brothers and Sisters and Nobody: The Science Behind Growing Up.” Considering scientific reviews of twin studies, Olson concluded, “that it is a combination of both, and in that case, siblings would only provide a smaller impression on overall upbringing. Everything, however, is circumstantial when it comes to how much of an effect a brother, sister, or lack thereof, has on an individual.”
[See: 10 of the Biggest Health Threats Facing Your Kids This School Year.]
For those who say, “you can’t do that” to your child, you can believe with confidence that, yes, you can. You are not cheating your only child. If anything, you are giving your child an edge.
More from U.S. News
Apps for Kids with Chronic Conditions
9 Things to Do or Say When a Loved One Talks About Taking Their Life
9 Sports Injuries That Sideline Kids
No Siblings: Am I Cheating My Only Child? originally appeared on usnews.com
