Your partner may notice your health issue before you do.
Clinicians say often a spouse or partner is the first to take note of a health concern, from skin abnormalities to memory lapses that may speak to brain health. It could start with a simple pronouncement like, “You don’t seem like yourself,” says Dr. Wanda Filer, president of the American Academy of Family Physicians. Whatever the case, when a significant other raises a concern about an issue that potentially affects your physical or mental health, she recommends taking stock, rather than shrugging it off or being defensive. “It’s a message of caring,” Filer says. In the name of good health, she adds, couples should keep an open line of communication.
A relationship is no guarantee of good health — but couples should seize opportunities to be well together.
Research finds being married is generally associated with better heart and mental health, and improved longevity, but married people tend to gain more weight than singles, and a bad marriage can negatively affect well-being. Dr. Steve Zweig, chair of the department of family and community medicine at the University of Missouri School of Medicine in Columbia, notes three primary ways couples can look out for one another in sickness and health: prevention — such as exercising together and eating well; safety, like taking immediate action at the first signs a partner may be having a stroke or heart attack; and early diagnosis, by taking note of subtle, but potentially important, health changes in one other.
What to do when skin issues are uncovered.
You see each other naked. It’s hardly an exam — or certainly shouldn’t feel like one — but it could lead to a medical discovery. Case in point: Sometimes skin issues are covered by clothing and obscured from sight, like changes to a mole on a person’s back. “That’s a fairly common one,” Filer says, regarding potential health concerns a partner may notice first. “I do see a number of people who come in because their spouse has identified something on their body that they can’t see,” Zweig adds. “Most times those abnormalities in skin are not caused by skin cancer, but they could be, and they’re certainly worth bringing up.”
While sleeping together is certainly revealing — pay attention to a partner’s tiredness as well.
It’s hard to miss when your significant other is sawing logs. “I think that sleep apnea is probably one the most common things that I see identified in a spousal partner,” Zweig says. “Oftentimes partners begin to sleep in separate areas because of really loud snoring.” However, experts say couples shouldn’t ignore this sleep disorder, which can briefly, repeatedly cut off a person’s breathing. In the light of day, take note of persistent fatigue, too, since this can signal a range of health concerns from a vitamin deficiency to heart failure. Rather than play doctor, though, encourage your partner to discuss any concerns with a real physician.
Remember — if your significant other can’t — to seek a medical opinion.
Family members and partners routinely raise concerns about dementia or changes in memory, says Dr. Jennifer Phillips, vice chair of clinical services for the department of family and community medicine at the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque. While in some cases, dementia is caused by treatable health issues, there’s no cure for Alzheimer’s disease — the most common cause of dementia in older adults; but early identification and treatment may slow symptom progression. Most of the time those developing dementia are not aware it’s happening, Zweig says. But, he adds, spouses may report early on that, for example, partners begin to miss obligations, start messing up a checkbook or banking, or have driving problems.
Speak up if your spouse is having trouble hearing.
Zweig says in older patients he sees, the most common concern partners raise about their significant other is probably hearing loss. The change is typically gradual — the TV volume steadily goes up — and often goes unnoticed by the individual with hearing loss. “I like to talk to couples about that because the person with the hearing impairment thinks that the other person has startled to mumble, and the person without the hearing impairment now thinks that the hearing impaired person isn’t paying attention to [her or him],” Zweig says. In that scenario, he adds, it’s usually a man who is experiencing the hearing loss, though hearing loss is common in men and women.
Fight addiction as a team.
Maybe you stumble across the problem when you look behind the bathroom mirror. “I think abuse of prescription drugs is another area that spouses might pick up — the person accumulating prescriptions, frequently requesting a prescription [and] seeing accumulating pill bottles in the medicine cabinet,” Zweig says. Partners tend to be particularly sensitive to issues involving addiction, whether alcohol, marijuana or other substances, Phillips says, and it’s frequently a subject patients don’t broach with their doctors. Experts say partners should seek (in a caring, nonjudgmental way) to encourage significant others to get help to break an addiction; and if it’s one you both share — including smoking — quit together to provide critical mutual support.
Don’t ignore signs of depression.
While colleagues and friends might not notice, early signs of depression may be apparent to significant others — even if not fully recognized by the individual going through it. Sometimes partners pick up on these changes — such as a loss of interest in things the person used to enjoy, poor appetite or sleep, or maybe some personality changes that the individual may be less likely to identify, Zweig says. A person may self-medicate, such as through substance abuse, and — as with an addiction — fail to disclose concerns to a physician. This is another occasion, experts say, where a partner should provide support and encourage a significant other to seek help.
Have the sex talk with your doctor.
A drop-off in sexual activity can sometimes be an indicator of issues that go beyond the relationship. In addition to more obvious changes like menopause or issues like sexual dysfunction that may affect sexual activity, experts say it’s important to discuss less understood declines in sexual activity that could also signal health concerns. “It can be related to a lot of different things,” Phillips says. It could be something as simple as weight gain that affects how a person feels, she says, or relate to issues ranging from the onset of heart failure or heart disease to depression.
Don’t turn health into a battle of the sexes.
In heterosexual relationships, women routinely take greater responsibility for the health of families, including urging male partners to see the doctor. “At least in our culture … oftentimes women are the ones that encourage men to come in and get things checked out,” Zweig says. But experts say both partners should be proactive in broaching health concerns and be supportive of making lifestyle changes together. That can signal a commitment not only to wellness, but to each other. “Collectively as a couple, think about what your personal health goals are,” Filer says. “Working together on one another’s health is not only good for health, it’s good for the relationship.”
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What Only Your Partner Knows About Your Health originally appeared on usnews.com
