Over the course of my years as a substance abuse therapist, I’ve heard one question time and again: “How do I prevent my children from becoming alcoholics and drug addicts?” The question comes from active alcoholics and addicts who don’t want their kids to suffer like they do, as well as from people who have witnessed addiction destroy their families and murder their loved ones’ spirits.
[See: 10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health.]
The simple answer is: If addiction runs in your family, don’t drink alcohol or abuse drugs. But the full answer is more complex. Here’s what you can — and can’t — do to reduce your children’s risk for addiction:
1. Forget parenting techniques.
Understand that there is no right or wrong parenting technique that will keep your child from the grasps of addiction or alcoholism. The only way you can promote a sober lifestyle for your child is by role modeling a sober lifestyle.
2. Ask for help.
If you personally suffer from addiction, alcoholism or both, ask for help — it’s the most powerful example you can set for your child. Though your own sobriety does not promise abstinence for your children, it does relay the message that asking for help is courageous and brave, and that living a sober lifestyle is an admirable aspiration.
[See: How to Find the Best Mental Health Professional for You.]
3. Know the limits of parenting.
Some of my clients come from seemingly perfect families that appear to belong on the set of “Leave it to Beaver.” They went to church on Sundays, kept a curse jar on the kitchen counter and didn’t have a bar in their homes other than a coffee bar. Still, at 20 years old, they need treatment for heroin addiction.
I’ve also heard horror stories from close, well-adjusted friends who grew up in volatile households, left home at age 16 and barely made it out of their 20s alive. Yet somehow, they have never developed an addiction to chemical substances. This dichotomy is tricky because it’s closely related to the chaotic argument of nature versus nurture.
If you refrain from having alcohol or drugs in your home, your child can still develop an addictive relationship with these substances if he or she has the disease of addiction. In that case, he or she will manage to one day encounter a substance that masks deep pain and makes feelings of isolation seem obsolete.
You see, the reality is that alcoholism and addiction are diseases intertwined into our DNA. While they are often propelled by an exposure to an alcoholic environment; sometimes, they seem to originate from thin air. Recognize that no matter how good or bad of a parent you feel that you are, your child’s addiction is not your fault.
4. Take control.
My intention for acknowledging this topic is not to make you feel helpless, but rather to make you feel empowered — empowered to ask for help if you suffer from addiction or alcoholism and empowered to live a life of self-care and self-esteem. You can then pass those traits on to your children.
[See: 14 Ways Caregivers Can Care for Themselves.]
5. Fall in love with yourself.
When no one is watching, how do you treat yourself? What does your internal dialogue look like? Is it positive self-talk or harsh words of disbelief? I am a strong advocate of the old adage: You can’t love others unless you love yourself. To set an example of someone who doesn’t need drugs or alcohol to feel good about themselves, fall in love with your positive and negative attributes, and let your children watch this long-term love affair. That way, they can fall in love with themselves, too.
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How Can You Prevent Your Kids From Becoming Alcoholics or Drug Addicts? originally appeared on usnews.com
