Being a caregiver brings fulfillment, purpose and joy.
Being a caregiver is stressful, lonely and depressing.
Finding a balance within the caregiving continuum can be challenging. Caregivers cope in diverse ways. Some attend support groups where they learn what to expect, and how to manage and gain strength from others in the same situation. Some overcome feelings of guilt to take a much-needed respite. Caregivers who work outside the home search for and take advantage of the resources in their communities, such as in-home care or adult day services.
Journaling is an outlet shared by many caregivers. From the pre-Internet era through today, journal entries have housed remarkable expressions of creativity through poetry, artistic renderings and refreshing insights. After speaking at caregiver retreats, I have offered to facilitate a support group or journaling session. In these more intimate breakout sessions, caregivers’ perspectives would shift dramatically from initially heavy emotional burdens to smiles and even laughter.
While journaling has helped many caregivers over the years, the Internet offers unimaginable possibilities. Years ago, it was, “Where did you find such a fancy notebook?” In less than two decades, we’ve moved from a mostly private record of one’s thoughts, feelings and experiences, to a virtual public arena filled with likes, follows and connections.
Blogging helps caregivers release a range of emotions, from the stressful and toxic to the joyful.
Those who post consistently — monthly, weekly or even daily — grow their audience, creating a virtual support group. Their words touch others who interact with them, fueling their sense of belonging within a community of caregivers.
One of these bloggers is Sheri Zschocher, who cares for her husband, Robert, who was diagnosed in 2008 with younger-onset Alzheimer’s and frontal temporal lobe dementia. To balance the stresses and joys of caregiving with full-time work, Sheri began chronicling her experience in a column that people have come to know as ” Living with Bob and ‘Al.’”
It consists of daily mini adventures with her husband, Bob, and “Al.” Bob is the peaceful and gentle soul Sheri married 26 years ago; whereas, “Al” ( for Alzheimer’s) was the unwelcome intruder that Sheri and Bob have learned to live with over the years. Sheri writes her blog in third person. She explains that this helps her cope as she steps out of her caregiver role and observes from a distance “Al’s” antics and the caregiver’s response. But there are times when “Al” really gets in the way and is hard to ignore, which she details in this post she wrote a few years back:
The Battle of the Button
Sheri has what is probably a very silly issue. She HATES that Bob and “Al” button every shirt (including his flannel shirts, polo style and button-down collar style) all the way up to his throat. Now this is something he just started doing during the last several years. It drives Sheri crazy! He looks like a giant 6-foot-4 kindergartner.
After years of reaching up and unbuttoning that button, only to have him re-button it within minutes, sometimes seconds, Sheri, the wise woman that she thought she was, came up with a plan.
Sheri and daughter No. 2 took some time during the weekend to cut off the top button of each of his shirts. Now she admits that some might feel she was overreacting to this button-up-to-the-neck issue, and Sheri may have just a touch of obsessive-compulsive disorder, but we all have our faults, and for Sheri, well … this is one issue she needed to resolve.
The first day Sheri hands Bob the shirt with the top button cut off, she is smiling, almost smirking to herself, because she knows she has won “The Battle of the Button,” and is feeling so much relief she’s almost giddy. Then “Al” emerges from the bathroom, and Sheri realizes that “Al” is a much more determined fellow than she thought. Staring back at her from Bob’s neck was the top button hole that “Al” had stretched all the way over to the left (from Sheri’s point of view) to button onto the button at the tip of the collar of Bob’s shirt.
Sheri is a warrior she will continue to fight the button fight 🙂
(Heavy sigh)
Sheri was named The Caregiver’s Voice “Caregiver of the Month with a Heart of Gold” in 2012, a caregiver-recognition program I developed with others. In an email to me, she wrote: “When I started blogging, it was my sister’s suggestion to help me get my feelings and thoughts out of my head. I soon realized that there were other caregivers like me living this experience each day. As more caregivers began writing to let me know how my blog helped them feel less alone, I began to feel the same way. Peeking at my own life with the added dimension of ‘Al’s’ humor, helps lighten my heart and make life bearable. Whether it is directly through the blog or through social media like Facebook, blogging about my life as a caregiver provides some relief from the isolation that caring for a loved one with such a devastating disease like Alzheimer’s brings.”
Some caregivers who blog for balance gain a following through social media channels such as Facebook, Twitter, Google+ and Pinterest. Heartened by engaged followers, others go on to turn their blogs into books helping many more people.
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Blogging: A Powerful Outlet for Caregivers originally appeared on usnews.com
