A friend recently told me an unbelievable story. At a yearly exam with her 5-year-old boy, without asking mom one question about her family’s eating and exercise habits, the pediatrician said to the shirtless child, “Be careful, you don’t want to look like a dough boy, do you?” while he poked at the boy’s belly area.
The mom was angry and confused — angry that the doctor would say something so hurtful to her child directly, and confused about whether or not her son was still healthy. Before she became overwhelmed by guilt and shame, she reminded herself about one thing: trust. Trust in her family’s structure. Trust in the value her family places on health and well-being.
Health is about so much more than weight. What about physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health? When we focus on weight instead of habits, we do much more harm than good, especially when it comes to our kids.
Even Good Intentions Can Drive Disorders
Parents often mean well when they encourage their overweight child to lose weight, but this push to diet and restrict leaves kids feeling ashamed of their bodies and at war with food.
One study found that 45 percent of girls were encouraged to diet by their moms, and 58 percent say they’ve been teased about their weight by family members.
Weight teasing has been linked to binge eating, increased body weight and unhealthy weight control behaviors. Additionally, dieting at a young age that may result from such teasing is a leading cause of eating disorders.
Weight-Based Bullying Tops the List
In the first cross-national study investigating weight-based bullying, published in Pediatric Obesity, the most common reason for bullying was not race, religion, physical disability or sexual orientation, but weight. Nearly 70 percent of participants agree that weight bullying is a “very serious” problem within schools.
There seems to be a widespread misperception that fat shaming is a positive motivator for people to lose weight. The unfortunate reality is when people are picked on because of their weight, they tend to engage in more unhealthy behaviors. Imagine that kid who gets bullied in gym class for being fat one day, and then no longer goes to phys ed class to avoid being bullied.
Changing the Message of Health
[IMAGE]
The fat shaming talk about weight is especially destructive because weight is not something a person can actively control. Even if we all ate exactly the same food and engaged in the same activities, our bodies would not all look the same.
Judith Matz, a licensed clinical social worker, wanted to offer an alternative approach. “What if kids were taught that bodies come in all shapes and sizes? Then the focus could be on healthful behaviors rather that fitting into the right size.”
She and illustrator Elizabeth Patch have created an incredible book called “Amanda’s Big Dream” as an alternative to the fat is bad/thin is good message that currently leads the conversation.
“We wanted to give kids a positive role model of a child who does not meet the cultural standard of thin, but who learns to feel good about herself and to practice healthful behaviors without trying to change her size. We wanted to teach children at any early age that kids come in all sizes, and that it’s important to be kind.”
Our Kids Deserve Better
Weight shaming and bullying are serious problems in our homes and schools, and this book provides a fun way to start the conversation with kids. “Amanda’s Big Dream” sends the message that our behaviors are more important than size and helps build empathy for those children who have incorrectly been told they are too big to be healthy.
The book comes with a conversation guide to help parents, teachers and others have the important discussions about feelings, dreams and taking care of your body in a positive and productive way.
” Health at every size” is an incredibly important message that not enough children or adults are hearing. We need to take the focus off weight and redirect it to healthy positive behaviors and accepting and respecting the natural diversity of body shapes and sizes.
Not doing so will only continue the societal epidemic of negative body image and dieting, and our kids deserve better.
More from U.S. News
What to Say and Do If Your Daughter Thinks She’s Fat
The Eating Disorder Spectrum — From Pregorexia to Drunkorexia
7 Ways Pets Can Make You Healthier
My Kid Is Overweight. Does That Mean He’s Not Healthy? originally appeared on usnews.com
