“I don’t want her, you can have her, she’s too fat for me.” These song lyrics are what come to mind when I think about my relationship with my father and food. For years he sang the “Too Fat Polka” to taunt my sister and me about our chubby bodies. Not exactly the way to build positive self-esteem in your young daughters, is it? Both my parents were people of larger body size, so what exactly did he expect? Thus began my rocky journey with food, weight, body size, dieting and self-acceptance.
I don’t remember being put on a diet when I was a kid per se, but my father was very critical and controlling. We were only allowed to eat at mealtime with no snacks in between. We were scolded if we served ourselves more than he thought we should. We were never allowed to have seconds. We ate well-balanced breakfasts, lunches and dinners, and usually created a big garden every year filled with fresh produce, even enough to share with our friends and neighbors. Healthy foods, controlled portions; neither of these prevented every one of us from being fat!
It wasn’t until I entered the work force and left home that I learned about dieting and became a serial dieter. It just seemed like the thing to do at the time with my co-workers. We’d try the latest diet du jour … and on and on. I was caught up in the diet-weight loss-weight regain-repeat cycle.
Things really haven’t changed much in the workplace. I see young friends doing the same things with their colleagues that I did back then. Too bad they haven’t heard that it’s really better for you in terms of mortality to maintain your weight, even if the scale reveals higher-than-desired numbers, versus yo-yo diet.
My diet mentality continued until just after I’d turned 30 and married for the second time. I don’t think I was dieting then, but remember asking my husband if I looked OK in my jeans or if they were too tight. His positive, loving response set me free, and maybe for the first time, I wasn’t concerned about my size because he loved me just the way I was. Imagine that … I wasn’t too fat for him.
While that relationship had other issues and he is no longer part of my life, I will always be grateful that he was instrumental in helping me accept myself — and my body size.
Years later, a friend introduced me to a magazine that was all about the acceptance of large bodies. There was a small ad in the classifieds for a convention being organized by a civil-rights group that was working to end the discrimination against fat people. I could identify with this because I had once been given an ultimatum by my boss: lose weight or lose my job. At 280 pounds, my weight did not interfere with my ability to do my job as a student counselor, accounts-receivable clerk and librarian for a small religious school, so I was confused. Since my boss was also my spiritual leader, I felt devastated. Thinking I had no choice at the time, I went on Weight Watchers and lost 120 pounds in a year and a half. After reading a study on the National Institutes of Health’s website, I understand why I gained it all back — and then some — within about five years. This is typical of most weight-loss efforts.
At the convention, there were educational workshops, dances, swim parties and outings … all in an environment free of judgment about my big, fat body.
I realize that some people, regardless of how big or small they are, have trouble with the word “fat.” I felt it rather ironic that my father bullied me with the word “fat,” and 30 or so years later, I discovered an organization full of activists who have embraced the word “fat” and use it freely, taking away the sting for those who might try to use it against us.
Let’s examine the word for a moment. Fat has gotten a bad rap. It’s something that is essential to life for us humans, yet has been used for years to manipulate people. Just what is fat?
Fat:
— Is an important part of the human body.
— Serves as an immediate energy source, and socks away fuel the body can use in the future.
— Plays a vital role in maintaining healthy skin and hair; insulates the body’s organs against shock; maintains body temperature; and promotes healthy cell function.
— Serves as a buffer against a host of diseases by filtering and storing harmful substances until the body can dispose of them. Extra fat improves mortality in certain health situations including heart failure, stroke, acute asthma and septic shock.
— Is a vital part of the human diet.
— Is one of the three main macronutrients needed for survival, along with carbs and protein.
— Is used in cooking.
— Is used to make soap, paints and protective coatings.
Fat is not a four-letter word, yet it’s flung around like profanity.
Back when food supplies were short, only the wealthy could afford enough food to have fat stores in their body. As mankind developed its agricultural skills and food became plentiful, the wealthy decided it was no longer cool to be fat — that fat no longer symbolized status.
The pendulum has instead swung dramatically in the other direction so that now, in order to be acceptable, one must have a slim, sleek body. Now any extra visible fat stores on the body are considered horrible, disgusting and something to be shed at all costs. Hmmm, sounds like a great new moneymaking industry. Let’s create diets, diet foods, diet products, exercise equipment, workout clothes and drugs, lots and lots of drugs!
Over the next few years, I became involved in what is known as the size-acceptance community. I eventually began working closely with the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance and became an advocate and activist, fighting to end discrimination against people with large bodies.
The size of my body, I realized, should not in any way diminish my rights as an American citizen. I should have the same access to accommodations, employment, equal pay, parental rights and health care. But I don’t. My rights are being eroded and it’s all happening in the name of my well-being. Now more than ever, we need to guarantee equality at every size!
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In Defense of Fat: Learning to Love My ‘Big, Fat Body’ originally appeared on usnews.com
