Every employee’s nightmare: A conversation with the “F” word that ends with you packing your notebooks and dignity in a cardboard box, awkwardly telling co-workers and your mother-in-law that you won’t be working anymore and adding that ugly prefix “un” to your previously comfortable employment.
Unemployed. It’s a word that kicks you in the gut, but it certainly doesn’t mean “unhirable,” even if you’ve been fired. “Most people think when they get fired it’s the end of the world. It’s not,” says Andrea Kay, career consultant and author of “Work’s a Bitch and Then You Make it Work: 6 Steps to Go From Pissed Off to Powerful.” “It’s an event. It happened in your career, and it’s happened to most people in their careers.”
Kay and Alan L. Sklover, career strategist, employment attorney and author of “Fired, Downsized, or Laid Off: What Your Employer Doesn’t Want You to Know About How to Fight Back” offer this survival guide for folks who’ve been fired:
Phase 1: Tie up loose ends
Plow through the necessary paperwork. You’d think the one bittersweet (mostly bitter) perk of being fired is that you don’t have to work. But you do. There are several administrative tasks you need to handle ASAP, such as filing for unemployment (yes, you may qualify if you’ve been fired), reviewing severance agreements and organizing your finances.
Talk to your former manager — yes, the one who just fired you. Get both your stories straight when a future employer calls to ask about you and why you were terminated. “You and your manager need to come up with language and wording that is similar and accurate at the same time,” Kay says.
While this email or phone call may rank with your most awkward interactions, Kay points out that hearing what your former manager plans to say will likely provide some relief that he or she won’t bad-mouth you. Plus, chances are, this manager wants to help. “Most people are decent, and most people don’t like firing,” Kay says. “Unless you were fired for a criminal act, why wouldn’t they want you to get re-employed as soon as possible?”
Phase 2: Settle your mind
Obliterate stress. Because you’ll probably have a lot of it. “So long as it’s not alcohol, cigarettes or drugs, whatever you do for stress and anxiety — do a lot of it,” Sklover says, referencing activities such as yoga, meditation, prayer, counseling or simply walking. “Stress is a killer,” he says. “If you allow yourself to be stressed and get sick, you can’t go on in life.”
Vent. While you may be eager to interview and network into a new job, Kay suggests first unloading your negativity, partially so you don’t sound bitter while meeting professional contacts. “People need to vent. People need to say, ‘I’m hurt; I’m angry; this was not fair,'” Kay says. “Get that out of your system so there’s room now to be able to say, ‘OK, I got it out. Now I need to move on.”
But don’t talk smack. An important distinction: Vent to your spouse or parents about how your boss was a jerk. Spill to your dog about how the whole stupid company is corrupt. Just make sure whomever you’re venting to is someone you trust and not — oh you know — an industry peer you’re drinking chardonnay with at a networking event.
Say it aloud: No trash talking your former company, boss or co-workers. “The world is small, and word gets back to people,” Kay says. “You never know who you’re talking to and who they might talk to.” Plus, it’s just not a good look. “You’re showing your hand of what kind of person you are, which is someone who has sour grapes,” she says.
Reflect on why you were fired. “It’s time to come clean with yourself,” Kay says. “Was there any truth in what they said when they let you go?” She adds that asking yourself these tough questions will be easier after you’ve vented about your initial frustrations and disappointments.
This self-reflection isn’t supposed to make you feel worse during an already challenging transition. It’s supposed to help you move on. Kay points out that if you don’t pinpoint the behavior that got you canned, “you’ll go right back to that old behavior at the next place.” Plus, any insight you gain about why you were a mismatch (or at least perceived to be) in your old role will help build a meaningful answer when you’re inevitably asked about your termination in upcoming interviews. Speaking of which …
Phase 3: Move on
Prepare to explain why you were fired in interviews. Because you know you’ll be asked. “Everyone makes mistakes, but how did you handle the situation, and how are you handling it now?” Kay asks. “If you’re handling it diplomatically, with maturity and insight, that’s telling me a lot about you as a person.”
Pulling off an impressive response takes loads of practice and “non-emotional, non-judgmental language,” Kay says. She suggests a formula like this:
— Set the tone and give the facts. “I worked at XYZ company for five years and really enjoyed the positions I had there.”
— Give some context — not excuses — for what went wrong. “My boss worked out of San Francisco as I worked in the New York office, and we had communication issues.”
— Describe why you were fired. “My boss wasn’t aware that I worked weekends, which is why I altered my weekday schedule by occasionally coming into the office at 9:30 a.m. instead of 8 a.m. I was fired because of this repeat tardiness.”
— End the explanation on a high note by describing what you learned. “I was really disappointed by what happened, but I learned a lot. I’ll be a more committed communicator in the future.”
And if interviewers prod further, after your initial explanation? “Be prepared for that,” Kay says. “Think about the language and keeping it tight and short and sweet, and at the end, move it onto the subject of what’s at hand.”
Find your cheerleaders. As for finding references, don’t discount folks from your previous job — even if you left on uncomfortable terms. Kay points out that even your boss may still like you and vouch for you and simply felt you weren’t a good fit for the role
Now that you’ve done your venting, de-stressing and reflecting, take a look back, Kay says. “You may still have some cheerleaders.”
More from U.S. News
15 Career Mistakes to Avoid in 2015
Fired and Friendless: Now What? originally appeared on usnews.com
