WASHINGTON — What’s the key to having a happy family? That’s a common question
among parents, but the answer isn’t one-size-fits-all.
In a recent article in The Week, author Bruce Feiler suggests
applying business theories to common family problems is one way to succeed. He outlines
practices such as creating a family mission statement, defining goals and holding
weekly family meetings.
And while there are theories behind this approach to parenting, it sparks
controversy. After all, should you treat your family like a business? Leslie Morgan
Steiner, parenting expert and blogger
for ModernMom.com, says
absolutely not.
“I thought helicopter parenting was bad enough, but now, taking it to this level where
we have to corporatize our families, it really just got to me,” Steiner says. “I don’t
understand why we need to take parenting and family life to this really sort of
sanitized, institutional level.”
Steiner says there is no need for kids to expect a rigid schedule when it comes to
spending time together as a family. After all, they spend much of their day in school
on strict schedules.
“To me, it just says to kids, ‘Look, we parents are so important that you have to
schedule
time,’ which is the antithesis of the wonderful, casual intimacy of a family.”
That’s not to say you shouldn’t talk to your kids about goals and expectations. Steiner
says you absolutely should, but be aware of how you communicate those
expectations.
“I think that kids are keeping such a close eye on us anyway, that they know what our
goals are, and we don’t need to have a family meeting for it. And in fact, you have to
be really careful not to communicate to kids inadvertently that you have low
expectations or that it’s OK for them to disappoint you. So, there is some wisdom in
here, I think it’s just way too far.”
If you’re skipping the family meeting, when should you expect to spend time together as
a family?
For years, experts have touted the benefits of a meeting-of-sorts for families: that of
a regular family dinner. But Steiner says, it’s not about the dinner, it’s about your
time
together.
“I think the point with that is to feed your kids well; nutrition really matters for
kids, but also to be together as a family.”
That family time can happen anywhere. For Steiner, it often takes place in the car.
“We’re together in our car a lot, and I feel like that’s a good substitute for the
dinner table. We fight, we talk about stuff, it’s exactly what I think experts are
trying to get at when they say gather once a day, or at least on a regular basis, as a
family.”
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