If you avoid networking events and dread making small talk, you aren’t alone. Studies show that one third to one half of the U.S. population has introverted tendencies. If you ask around, you’ll probably find that most people aren’t that fond of starting conversations with strangers. All you have to do is tap into your introverted strengths: solid listening skills, research and analytical savvy and preference for building deep relationships. And you’ll also have to step outside of your comfort zone.
Building new relationships is a necessary evil. Whether you are actively job searching or employed, expanding your network is an important step toward your professional success. Just look at the people you respect or admire. What actions did they take that lead to a new opportunity or opened a door? It only takes knowing the right people at the right place and the right time.
Try the tips below if you dread networking:
1. Learn about group events and prepare for them.
First things first: You have to learn about upcoming events, such as conferences, professional association meetings and meetups. Ask people you know in your field if there are events they would recommend. The more focused the networking group, the more likely you are to encounter people you have something in common with.
A little research in advance can help you feel more at ease. See if there is a guest list of attendees. Event registration systems often allow you to add your social network profile to the attendee list. If you aren’t comfortable sharing your information, you may be able to see the names of those who have registered. Scroll through the list of attendees, and look at their backgrounds. Remember, you are looking for something you have in common. Perhaps you attended the same college, share a passion for fly fishing or worked for the same company at different times. You can also ask people you know if they plan on attending.
2. Have your repertoire of questions ready. The easiest way to dismiss fear is to eliminate the unknown. If you worry about not knowing what to say, then you’ll continue to be fearful and avoid networking. In Keith Ferrazzi’s book “Never Eat Alone,” he outlines 10 key points for networking. One is to “create instant intimacy by talking to people right away about their interests.” Another is to “develop conversational currency.” It will be much easier to have something to talk about if you are keeping up with current events.
Knowing what to ask should help eliminate your fears and anxiety associated with networking. Step away from the obvious and boring “What do you do?” starter. Opening a conversation is sort of like shopping for clothes: You have to actually try it on to see how it fits! Here is a list of questions you may consider testing at the next event you attend. Listen carefully, and ask follow-up questions to keep the conversation going.
— What brought you here today?
— How’s your week going?
— What prompted you to come here today?
— What do you have planned for the weekend?
— Have you been to one of these before?
— Who have you enjoyed meeting so far?
If the event has speakers, these are some appropriate questions to generate a conversation:
— What did you think of the speaker?
— What part of the talk really resonated with you?
— What’s been the best session for you?
— What session are you looking forward to most?
3. Find something in common. Relationships are built on a foundation of mutual interest and trust. Your goal while networking is to find something you have in common with another person and see if it is possible to grow the relationship further. It all starts when you ask questions to discover a shared interest with someone you meet. One simple mantra to keep you on track comes from Dale Carnegie in “How to Win Friends and Influence People”: To be interesting, be interested. You won’t know which person in the group will become a new friend unless you put forth an effort to learn about people’s interests. Not all connections will bloom into new best friends, but you will never know what the outcome will be unless you make the effort
4. Try these tricks to hold you to task. If you have been known to back out of attending events or even if you’ve attended one before but were discouraged by the results, ask someone to meet you at the event. Your friend may be able to introduce you to people in his or her network or vice versa. The buddy system can be a great support mechanism.
Another trick is to set goals, such as meeting three new people, finding a contact in a target company or perhaps introducing yourself to the speaker. Setting a goal and achieving it will reinforce your actions and provide a feeling of accomplishment after the event.
5. Just do it! You aren’t alone in your discomfort attending networking groups and making small talk. A lot of people dislike it. In fact, this may be what you have in common with the next person you talk to!
Don’t feel like you have to “work the room.” Having two or three in-depth conversations is often better than grabbing business cards from everyone in the room. Remember, the secret to keeping the conversation going is asking questions. Be an active and engaged listener, and you’ll never run out of questions to ask. Even saying, “that’s interesting; tell me more” keeps the conversation flowing. Once you get over the initial anxiety of attending a group event, you’ll probably find it wasn’t as bad as you imagined.
Hannah Morgan writes and speaks on career topics and job search trends on her blog Career Sherpa. She co-authored “Social Networking for Business Success,” and has developed and delivered programs to help job seekers understand how to look for work better.
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5 Tips for the Networking-Averse originally appeared on usnews.com
