WASHINGTON – Few people have lived a fuller life than Jane Fonda.
She ranks among the greatest actresses in movie history. At times, she’s been controversial, but she’s also been an inspiration to millions.
It’s almost impossible to believe by looking at Fonda that she’s 74 years old. Advancing years of life can be hard to face, but Fonda has remained timeless.
She’s revealed her secrets, along with some hard practical advice, in her New York Times bestselling book “Prime Time.”
Happiness in her old age
Fonda says she’s happier now than she’s ever been in her life.
“Isn’t that weird? It’s been true for about five or six years,” she tells WTOP. “I can’t believe it. It’s not what I expected at my age.”
Fonda says she wanted to write a book to see if this pervasive happiness rang true for other people as well. She says she discovered that it’s true of most people over 50.
It’s partly because older people have grown comfortable in their own skin, but it’s also the sheer amount of life experience that allows them to know what’s not important, she says.
“We have this long past,” Fonda says. “We’ve been there, we’ve done that, we survive. We’ve had heartache and we survive. We’ve had financial crisis, we’ve survived. We don’t make mountains out of molehills.”
Young people don’t necessarily understand what or who they need to know and what can be left behind. Not so for older adults.
“We know we don’t really need to know that,” Fonda says. “We can just let it go.”
The third and final act
In Fonda’s book, she compares life to a theatrical play in three acts. For a life to be memorable, the final act has to pay off to justify the first two, she says.
For it to go well, Fonda suggests people need to follow in the footsteps of all actors and actresses by mentally rehearsing it ahead of time.
“When I entered my third act as I was approaching 60, I realized, how do I make this a good act?” Fonda says. “In order to know where I was supposed to go, I had to know where I’d been. So I had to review my life.”
Fonda says she isn’t afraid of death. It’s a fear of regrets at the end of life that haunts her.
“I had to think, right now, what would my regrets be if I don’t do anything about it?” she says. “You can’t do anything about it at the end, so you have to spend your last act dealing with the regrets.”
Fonda’s biggest regret is never really having the kind of relationship with a man that she wanted — a truly intimate relationship where she shows up fully as a whole human being, not just with the parts that she thought were lovable.
“I worked to become someone who could do that, and I succeeded,” she says. “I also envision myself dying, and what do I want? I want my children to be around me, and my grandchildren, and friends who love me.”
“Well, if that’s what I want … I have to live a third act such that I will deserve love, that I will have friends and that I will have made amends with my children and my grandchildren, if that’s appropriate.”
Staying curious and interested is crucial, Fonda says. So is getting over the fear of death.
“We have to live life very intentionally and deliberately,” she says. “That’s one of the things that makes it very beautiful.”
Wanting intimacy and learning to laugh
The years Fonda spent with Ted Turner were the best years that she had while in a relationship with a man, Fonda says.
“Ted taught me how to laugh and we’ve remained very, very good friends,” she says. “But I’ve had three marriages and several other relationships, mostly with men who, like me, had a hard time showing up. We had our own personal issues that made it hard for us to be fully intimate.”
Fonda says the intimacy she desires has nothing to do with sex.
“That has to do with emotions and really being able to be present in a relationship,” Fonda says. “I knew that even after Ted, I had more to go. I had to learn more and try to go deeper into a relationship.”
The most important lesson Fonda imparts from her book is that it’s never too late, she says.
“You can give birth to yourself in your old age,” Fonda says. “It’s never too late to become who you were meant to be.”
WTOP’s Heather Brady contributed to this report. Follow WTOP on Twitter.
(Copyright 2012 by WTOP. All Rights Reserved.)
