At first, it felt like an itch they couldn’t scratch. That’s how Dana Michels, a 44-year-old lawyer and mother of three in Santa Monica, California, describes the first few minutes of a recent cellphone-free dinner with her husband and two other couples. What if the babysitter called? What if a work crisis arose? What if news broke?
[See: 10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health.]
But soon enough, the itch went away and the group dug into good food and meaty conversation — without checking scores or checking in on kids or even checking how accurately they had calculated the tip. Only one what-if lingered: What if, without cellphones, everything was just fine? “It’s like, ‘oh, this is normal.’ You get used to it fast,” Michels says. “We let go of that worry.”
Michels’ device-free gathering — which she organized using a new invitation template that her employer, Evite, created in partnership with the parenting nonprofit Common Sense Media to promote the concept — is one response to growing concerns about too much screen time and too few genuine human connections. “We’re seeing people starting to pay attention to how much technology they’re using” and how it makes them feel in different situations, says Pamela Rutledge, director of the Media Psychology Research Center in Newport Beach, California. “It’s a natural progression that we try all kinds of things and then we decide what works and what doesn’t.”
For example, technology can work to make social connections, organize events and sustain relationships, but it doesn’t necessarily work to enhance interactions like family dinners, date nights and, yes, parties. As Common Sense Media founder and CEO James Steyer puts it, “This is a no-brainer for a fun party: Pay attention to the people you’re with.”
Party Like It’s 1999
More than fun, deliberately ditching devices in social settings can be good for your mental and physical health. While most research and attention on the negative health effects of technology is on children, in adults, using smartphones or other devices too much or at the wrong times has been linked to musculoskeletal problems like “text neck,” sleep disturbances, anxiety, car accidents, relationship conflicts and even fertility issues in men.
[See: 7 Ways Technology Can Torpedo Your Health.]
“In adults, screen time is lumped in with sedentary time, and it has a number of negative physical health effects,” including an increased risk of heart disease, diabetes and even death from any cause, says George Nitzburg, an adjunct professor of clinical psychology at Columbia University, where he teaches about how technological advances impact psychological well-being.
Other research demonstrates just how much cellphones can detract from strong social relationships, which are also critical for physical and mental well-being. One series of experiments, for example, paired sets of strangers in rooms with either a (turned off) cellphone or a notepad on the table. When asked to rate their interactions, the partners who met in the presence of a cellphone — which, by the way, remained unused and untouched — reported feeling less closeness and connection to the other person, as well as having lower-quality conversations.
“They were seeing that cue and feeling the way they may have felt in all of these other times when someone was staring at their phone; when someone wasn’t listening,” says Nitzburg, who was not involved in the study. A later study found similar reactions hold true in real-life situations — and are especially negative among people in close relationships. “I think of this as the ‘How dare you?’ effect,” says Nitzburg, who’s also a research scientist at Northwell Health System studying technology-assisted treatments for substance misuse and addiction.
Of course, Michels doesn’t need a study to prove that scrolling through an iPad or obsessively checking a FitBit during conversations is rude. “It’s annoying; you feel unimportant or that no one is listening,” she says. “It’s the modern version of [how] I was taught never to read the newspaper at the dinner table.” For a modern solution, consider organizing a device-free gathering. Here’s how:
1. Set expectations.
Instead of nagging your spouse to put his phone away at dinner or letting your anger simmer when a pal keeps scrolling through Instagram during your coffee date, establish expectations for a phone-free event before it begins, suggests Michels, whose invitation read “join me for a cellphone-free dinner.” “I liked that we were on the same page before we sat down,” she says.
While Michels’ friends agreed to keep their phones in their pockets or purses rather on the table, you can temper guests’ temptation to text even more by, for example, placing a decorative basket at the party entrance to collect phones, suggests Steyer, who’s held a device-free board meeting and, when he teaches at Stanford University, requires students to put their phones away. “Leave your devices — and temptation — at the door,” he says.
2. Make exceptions.
There’s a time and place for technology — sometimes even at device-free parties. For example, hosts should establish a way for guests to be reached in case of an emergency and may also consider designating one person to photograph the event, Steyer suggests. And if you’re at a family reunion but missing Uncle Steve? Perhaps everyone agrees to Facetime him together. “It becomes a means of including someone who wasn’t there” rather than excluding those who are, Rutledge says.
[See: 8 Health Technologies to Watch For.]
You probably also don’t want to make all gatherings explicitly device-free. “There’s going to be a subset of people who say, ‘I don’t want you telling me what to do,'” and decline the invitation, Rutledge says. As a result, she says, “you’re going to start curating your friends down and creating a bubble.”
3. Make connections.
Keeping devices out of sight is one thing; keeping them out of mind is another. “Too often, conversations are dominated by the latest viral meme or something they saw on television rather than sort of big questions or how things are going personally,” Nitzburg says. “I think ultimately, you don’t just want to unplug from your phone — you’re trying to unplug from what is on the phone.” To do that, try to invite a rich mix of people, initiate games and prepare icebreakers. Challenge yourself to ask people questions whose answers can’t be found on Wikipedia. “If a party is interesting enough,” Rutledge says, “it will be [naturally] technology-free.”
More from U.S. News
17 Signs You Might Be a Workaholic
11 Ways Healthy Community Design is Working
9 Ways to Add Fitness to Your Wedding
How (and Why) to Throw a Device-Free Party originally appeared on usnews.com
