Resilience can help you avoid making bad choices.
Whether it’s a health issue like cancer or heart disease or a tight work deadline, everyone faces crises and challenges. Sometimes, these situations can feel overwhelming. “In our society today, every day’s a stress,” says leadership expert Andrew Wittman, author of the book “Ground Zero Leadership: CEO of You.” Whenever you’re faced with a stressful situation, your body’s endocrine system releases hormones, which Wittman calls a “hormone dump.” This creates anxiety, potentially leading to bad decisions, he says. “It’s like an emotional seizure, which can lead to a cascade of unforced errors,” Wittman says. Building resilience can help you avoid those errors.
Clarity is crucial.
Many people have an easier time describing outcomes they want to avoid rather than talking about what they do want to happen, says Wittman, a former U.S. Capitol Police officer who once worked as a State Department security contractor. For example, a golfer’s target should be to hit the ball into the hole. But if a golfer thinks about not hitting into a sand trap, he or she may well do that instead, he says. Subconsciously, such negative thoughts can become a target. Have clarity about the outcome you want, rather than brooding about what you don’t want to happen, Wittman says. Here are seven strategies to develop resilience and mental toughness:
Have a role model for each part of your life.
Who do you know who’s best at leadership? At maintaining a sound marriage and solid family life? At staying socially engaged and connected? One person may check all these boxes, but it’s more likely that different people you know will excel at different challenges. Keep each of them as part of your inner circle, people you can emulate and go to for support and advice, Wittman says. Such role models will also hold you accountable if you’re not doing your best in various parts of your life. “Build a team,” Wittman says. “You don’t have to reinvent the wheel; just model after what the people on your team do.”
Take on fear-inducing challenges.
Unfamiliar tasks that initially create anxiety and trepidation can quickly become humdrum if you do them often enough. “Like a teenager learning to drive on the interstate,” Wittman says. “Extremely scary at first, but make them drive for six hours on the way to grandma’s house and an hour into it, [the adolescent’s] bored and fiddling with the radio to stay awake.” The same principle holds true for work-oriented tasks such as getting accustomed to a new computer system at work. The more repetitions you have with a new challenge, the less daunting it becomes.
View challenges as manageable.
Embrace an attitude of coping and managing rather than focusing on negatives, says Mayra Mendez, a licensed psychotherapist and program coordinator for intellectual and developmental disabilities and mental health services at Providence Saint John’s Child and Family Development Center in Santa Monica, California. “Manage feelings of hopelessness and helplessness by catching negative thoughts and shifting attention away from catastrophic thinking,” she says. “Normalize situations and events as manageable.” Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems, the American Psychological Association advises — try focusing on how things might be better in the future.
Recount your success stories out loud.
Remind yourself — literally out loud — about all the times you overcame adversity and situations that initially seemed calamitous. Your success could be managing a chronic disease like diabetes or a substance use disorder. Recounting such stories out loud focuses your mind and emotions on the times you coped with anxiety and challenges successfully, Wittman says. “Your conscious mind is reminded that you have a track record of handling difficulties and if you’ve done it before, it’s easier to do it again,” he says. “Saying it out loud makes a difference.”
Never say “try.”
“Trying is lying,” Wittman says. “Have you ever invited someone to a party you were having and they said they would ‘try to make it’? Did they show up? Chances are a big no. Why? Because humans use the word ‘try’ to give themselves wiggle room. Alas, we only give ourselves wiggle room in order to take it.” Wittman offers this analogy: “Be the pig, not the chicken. On the breakfast plate of bacon and eggs, the chicken is involved but the pig is committed. Commitment is the bedrock of the resilient-minded; without it, humans will cut and run as soon as the going gets difficult.”
Have courage and never give up.
It’s natural to feel anxious or fearful if an unexpected challenge occurs, whether it’s a car problem, a career change or an unexpected home repair. Courage isn’t an absence of fear; it’s the choice to override the fear, Wittman says. Couple that with a refusal to give up, he advises. “Courage and persistence are like the Batman and Superman of resilience,” Wittman says. “If you are courageous enough to face adversity and persistent enough to find a way to stay in the fight long enough, a solution almost always presents itself.”
Take action.
Dealing with a romantic break-up can induce feelings of anxiety, stress and fear. Taking action can help you manage those feelings and make thoughtful decisions about how to react, rather than lashing out, misusing substances or drunk dialing your new ex, says April Masini, who dispenses relationship advice on her “Ask April” advice forum. “An active behavior, whether it’s a sport, a walk in the park or simply cleaning out a closet or desk drawer, is therapeutic and promotes health when you’re facing disappointment in your relationships,” she says. “You’re taking action, so you’re burning off energy and time — and giving yourself an emotional ‘time out’ so you can get distance from your feelings and make a thoughtful decision about how to react.”
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7 Ways to Build Resilience for Crises and Everyday Life Challenges originally appeared on usnews.com
