It’s an exceptionally difficult time right now for everyone. The stress and anxiety of illness, social distancing, being cooped up in quarantine, trying to work from home with children trying to distance learn from home, serious economic concerns and no known end in sight with tremendous uncertainty about the future is a collective trauma of sorts for us all.
As a result, we expect that some of us are going to struggle with mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. In adults, the symptoms of anxiety and depression are often reasonably obvious, such that both the sufferer and someone close to that person can see it.
But for kids, especially young children, the expression of feeling overwhelmed, traumatized, anxious or sad isn’t always so easy to spot. In addition, what is noticeable is often something for which in ordinary circumstances you might think to correct your child and indicate you are disappointed in their behavior. I’m speaking of childhood regression, the return to behaviors that developmentally they had already appropriately moved past — things they had stopped doing.
[READ: Protect Your Family’s Mental Health During the COVID-19 Pandemic.]
For children ages 2 to 7 the ability to hold urine overnight and not wet the bed, to eat with utensils at the table, to stop thumb-sucking and having temper tantrums, even to separate from you to go to school or go to a friend’s house without fear and misery are all developmental accomplishments. Most children will make these milestones and keep moving forward, not looking back.
When something truly traumatic happens in a child’s life, like a death in the family, being in a serious accident or experiencing a natural disaster, rather than talking about how they feel, they may simply revert back to a behavior that was long gone. A child may start wetting the bed, having tantrums, clinging to you and refusing to go anywhere without you, sometimes even insisting on staying in the same room with you. In all likelihood your child has no idea why they are reverting back to these behaviors, and you might not either because they aren’t able to verbalize their feelings.
If you do notice regression in your child, don’t panic. Once a child has worked through the trauma they are grappling with, chances are these behaviors will disappear. What you don’t want to do is punish them for this because that will likely make the trauma and the regression even worse.
What you do want to do is help your child to experience and express their feelings. Give them a feeling of comfort and safety as much as you are able. Children this young need help with expressing how they feel, so ask them to tell you a story about what has been happening or what happened that was difficult. Suggest that they tell the story any way they like.
As an alternative to telling their story, kids might instead draw the story or play out the story using their dolls, stuffed animals or toy soldiers. They can put on a play capturing what happened.
The point is to give kids different age-appropriate vehicles for conveying their view of their experience and processing what’s happened over time. In addition, frequently remind them that they are OK, that you are OK and that you’ll stay together and take care of them through all of this.
Give them extra time at bedtime to talk about their feelings and tell their story. This is the scary part of the day for many children because they will separate from you to go to sleep. Give them extra hugs and loving gestures and place emphasis on anything that is going well, that they and you can appreciate or feel good about.
Doing all of these things now, even before any regression shows up, may prevent it from happening in the first place. These techniques help to keep children from growing increasingly anxious or becoming depressed, and they may be able to generally feel OK if they know that you and they are OK.
Limit a young child’s news exposure as much as possible. Show them you are coping. Try to create as much “normalcy” as you can in the day by having online play dates, family dinners, time to be physically active, a schedule with a set time to get up, do online schoolwork, have meals, playtime and go to bed. Children feel more relaxed with structure and predictability. Structure can help prevent regression.
[Read: Anxiety in Kids.]
If a child has experienced extreme regression despite implementing this plan at home, then it is appropriate to call a child mental health professional to seek help. Treatment can be extremely effective for children, and over time regression will recede.
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Trauma and Childhood Regression: What to Do When Your Child Goes Backward originally appeared on usnews.com
