Parents know it's a good idea to help kids get their school supplies organized. However, paying attention to the friendship factor can also be important to help children have a positive start to the school year.
The start of the school year means a lot of change for children. They might wonder whether their teacher will be nice and whether the work will be too hard or too much. But the No. 1 concern for children as they head into the new school year is whether they will have a friend in their class.
As parents, we know it’s a good idea to help kids get their school supplies organized and try to shift their sleep schedules to align with waking up early on school days. However, paying attention to the friendship factor can also be important to help children have a positive start to the school year.
When my children were young, I used to tell them, “Somewhere in your new class is a kid who is just waiting to be your friend!”
They’d ask, “What does he look like?” or “What’s her name?”
I’d say, “I don’t know. You’re going to have to figure that out. What are some clues that might tell you who it is?” We’d come up with possibilities such as someone smiling, playing with them or sitting next to them. Being on the lookout for these signs made them more aware of friendly gestures from their classmates. They almost always came home from school the first day feeling proud that they’d “figured out” who at least one new friend would be.
Beyond setting up positive expectations about friendships, here are some other tips for helping your child make friends in a new classroom drawn from a book I co-authored, “Growing Friendships: A Kids’ Guide to Making and Keeping Friends.”
1. Encourage friendly behavior.
Greeting other children, smiling, complimenting, helping and cooperating show classmates that your child is open to friendship. Shy children often have trouble with this. They’re focused on their own discomfort, so they tend to shrink away from others, but that unintentionally sends the message, “I don’t like you, and I don’t want anything to do with you.” Practicing friendly greetings with family or close friends can help children gain confidence with this.
[Read: What to Do When Your Friends’ Kids Drop Your Child From Their Group.]
(Thinkstock)
Thinkstock
2. Look for similarities.
Children are most likely to become friends with kids who are similar to them in age, gender, interests and behavior. Help your child figure out, “Which classmates are like me?” Some children focus exclusively on wanting to be friends with the most popular kids, but if they have nothing in common, that friendship is not likely to develop. Looking for common ground is a better bet for identifying potential friends.
(Thinkstock)
Thinkstock
3. Focus on fun activities.
Kids make friends by doing fun things together. What does your child enjoy doing with other kids? Whether it’s an informal interest or an organized activity, this could form the basis of a friendship. Lonely children are often inactive children. Staying home alone is not a good way to make friends. Help your child find activities that fits her interests, personality and aptitudes. For some children, you may need to look beyond the common activities of sports and dance. A Lego club, choir, religious group, volunteer activity or less common sport like fencing may be key to helping your child find kindred spirits.
(Thinkstock)
Thinkstock
4. Replace off-putting behaviors.
Sometimes, because of immaturity or misguided efforts to get attention from peers, children do things that are irritating to classmates. This could include bragging, being aggressive, disrupting a game or making annoying noises. If you see your child doing these things, explain how your child’s actions make other children feel and offer better alternatives.
[Read: The Most Common Reasons Kids Have Trouble Making Friends.]
(AP Photo/Dieu Nalio Chery)
AP Photo/Dieu Nalio Chery
5. Arrange one-on-one play dates.
Once your child has identified some potential friends, inviting them over for a play date is a great way to deepen the friendship. Often, children hesitate to invite classmates over unless they know them extremely well. However, if your child has had fun with a classmate at school, he knows that child well enough to have a play date. Inviting someone over says, “I like you, and I want to spend more time with you!” That’s a wonderful compliment that can launch a friendship.
(AP)
