Most parents know sex is complicated, and that it can be difficult to talk about the subject with their kids.
But sex can be particularly complicated for students adjusting to life in college. That’s why parents should take time to revisit the topic and make sure their incoming college kids understand what safeguards are in place to prevent sexual assault.
Here are important and effective ways you can help your child stay safe on campus:
Know campus policies. Each campus or university system sets its own sexual behavior and assault policies. On some campuses, affirmative consent is required. This means that a student must consent in some way to each sexual activity. These are sometimes referred to as “yes means yes” policies. Kids should know what the consequences are for policy violations, how to report incidents and what their rights are should something go wrong.
[ See: 10 Ways to Broach the Subject of Sex With Your Teen.]
Know the physical environment. It’s vital that your child always know where she is in relation to safe places and how to escape. While colleges take painstaking steps to make campuses safe, there are always blind spots and places off campus over which schools have no control. Your kid should ask other students, staff and faculty about places to avoid and should check with upperclassmen about unfamiliar places before visiting any of those.
Never go it alone. It’s always advisable to have someone trustworthy close by, whether your kid is going to a party or to study in the library. Your child will learn to look out for his friends and help them with everything from studying to keeping them from doing things they might regret. Your kid’s best friend should always know where he is, when he’s supposed to be back, and how to get in touch with him. Your child should do the same for his friends.
Understand real gender differences. Talk to your son about the fact that when another student dresses provocatively, flirts and visits his dorm room late at night when no one else is around, those are not necessarily signs that person desires sex. Your son must not focus on sex as a conquest. While some men are still socialized to treat sex in this way, those behaviors will not lead to strong relationships or appropriate behavior. The only way for sex to be healthy and safe is for your son to demonstrate sincere respect for his partner.
Your daughter must account for the fact that she may not be as strong physically as someone who wishes her harm. She must understand that, while she has the right to wear whatever she wants or go wherever she wants, any messages she sends may be misinterpreted. She must be explicit about her intentions and desires and should leave immediately when those are not respected.
[See: How College Students Can Avoid Getting Sick.]
Know that drinking causes bad decisions and bad sex. Alcohol and other drugs are a part of the college experience for many students. As your kid deals with her newfound freedom and responsibility, she must consider the effects that these substances have on her ability to make decisions, especially if she’s inexperienced with them. These also impair memory and her ability to escape threatening physical situations. All students should keep a close eye on their drinks at all times to avoid being given a drug or more alcohol against their will. If your kid believes that buying his date another drink is a good way to gain affection, he might want to reconsider. All kids should understand that, while drinking and drug use may make socializing easier, substance use usually leads to clumsy and less rewarding sex.
Get and give permission. Regardless of whether your child’s campus has an affirmative consent policy, he should be taught to get and give permission for sex. Starting a sexual relationship with someone in which sex is discussed openly, honestly and without shame will lead to a healthier, more meaningful connection.
Talk frankly and openly. The most powerful tool at any parent’s disposal is modeling. You’ve known this since your kid first put on a pair of your shoes and tried to walk around in them or said that word you never meant for her to hear. The best way to get kids to talk openly with their partners about sex is to talk openly about the subject at home. It’s also vital for your kid to know you’re ready to support her as she overcomes challenges.
Take responsibility. Colleges work hard to provide a safe environment, but one that also emphasizes individual freedom and responsibility. Your child is responsible for personal safety. If your child falls victim to any kind of assault, he or she should report it to local law enforcement, then follow up according to campus policies. In addition, if your kid becomes aware of an assault, he or she must report it to the appropriate authorities. This can be difficult, but the only way to stem the tide of sexual assault on campus is for everyone to behave carefully and respectfully.
[See: 7 Ways to Build Resilience for Crises and Everyday Life Challenges.]
An open and honest discussion about sex and safety leads to a healthier campus and more rewarding college relationships. Effective conversations about private behaviors can be difficult, but it’s absolutely worth having them. And while your kids will act like they don’t want to talk about sex with you, they will appreciate your wisdom.
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Talking With Your College Kid About Safe Sex originally appeared on usnews.com
