Preparing for your child to have surgery can be a nerve-wracking experience.
“While surgery may be routine for medical professionals, it becomes a core memory that stays with parents and children,” says Katie Taylor, a certified child life specialist and CEO and founder of Child Life on Call.
The combination of entrusting your child to a care team you may have just met and the weeks of planning involved — or an emergency — add to the intensity.
One thing that helps is knowing what to expect and how to prepare, both for you as the parent and for your child and other family members who may be involved.
Here are eight tips that can help surgery go a little more smoothly.
[READ What Is a Child Life Specialist?]
8 Tips for Parents to Know Before a Child’s Surgery
1. Discuss the surgery in advance with your child
Your child may be upset at the thought of having surgery. To avoid upsetting them, some parents may try to put off the surgery discussion.
However, experts say that children often can accept things explained in age-appropriate language.
“If we’re keeping kids in the dark, we aren’t giving them any time or space to process through their fears, emotions and questions,” says Jamie Gentille, a child life specialist and system director of Child Life Services and Community Engagement for Inova Children’s Service Line at the Inova L.J. Murphy Children’s Hospital in Falls Church, Virginia.
Work with your child’s health professionals to find child-friendly language you can use to discuss the surgery. Ask if the hospital where you will go has a child life specialist, which is someone who works with children to prepare them for hospitalization, as well as can help a child and their family through illness and injury.
“As child life specialists, we know that word choice is immensely important,” Gentille says. “We are choosing every word with intention, based on experience and training.”
One thing that Taylor has seen as a surprise for families is the need to change into a hospital gown before surgery.
“Putting on ‘hospital pajamas’ can be the signal that things are happening, and they feel like they’re losing control,” she says.
This is especially the case for toddlers and preschoolers. Giving them the heads up about this small but important step can help.
[SEE: 10 Items to Pack in Your Hospital Bag.]
2. Prepare your child for fasting
If your child will have anesthesia, their care team will instruct that they shouldn’t have anything to eat or drink for a certain amount of time before surgery. This cuts down on the risk of throwing up those food items or having them enter the lungs while under anesthesia.
Here’s how Taylor recommends that parents explain anesthesia: “When you get sleepy medicine (anesthesia), your whole body falls asleep, even your stomach! Doctors want to make sure your stomach is empty so you don’t throw up your breakfast while you’re asleep.”
Taylor has seen some parents who will fast along with their children because they feel bad for them, but she recommends a different approach.
“Their child is having surgery, and we want parents fueled and caffeinated, if that’s what they need, so they can be the best support possible,” she explains.
3. Be ready to wait
Even if you may want surgery to start right on time, don’t be surprised if it doesn’t.
“Surgery start times can sometimes get pushed back,” Taylor says. “This is incredibly frustrating, especially when you don’t know why and your family is anxious to begin.”
This is where having plenty of things to entertain yourself and your children comes in handy (see separate tip).
Here are a few other ways to help manage delays:
— Find out if your hospital has a play room. This could be a place to take other children if you have them with you.
— Ask a friend or family member to come with you to help pass the time or to help manage other children you may have with you.
— Consider a quick visit to the cafeteria.
— If possible, take a walk around the public areas of the hospital.
— Make a quick visit to the gift shop.
4. Know that it’s OK to speak up
“Speak up for what your child needs,” Gentille advises. “Be their voice. Things go better when we listen to parents and kids, so come prepared to tell the care team what works best for your child and what just doesn’t work.”
Stay on top of your child’s care by writing down questions you want to ask as well.
Here are a few examples of questions you may want to ask:
— When will I be separated from my child before surgery starts?
— Am I allowed to be with my child when they fall asleep?
— Is there a child life specialist who can go with my child?
— What is the best way I can support my child as they wake up after surgery and during recovery?
5. Pack plenty of things to do and to stay comfortable
You’ll want to pack two bags of items, one bag for yourself and one for your child.
Your child’s bag can include toys and favorite comfort items, in addition to any hygiene items as recommended by the care team. If age-appropriate, get your child involved in packing items of choice, Taylor advises.
For yourself, think about items to stay entertained while you wait, a change of clothing if your child will be there overnight, and food that’s easy to snack on. Make sure you pack sweatshirts or similar warm items as waiting rooms are often cold.
Kara Ryska, a San Marcos, California-based life and leadership coach and host of The Special Needs Mom Podcast, also highly recommends an eye mask you can use while sleeping.
“It’s a game changer to get sleep in a hospital,” says Ryska, mom of four children with a 16-year-old son, Levi, who has had several surgeries.
[SEE: How to Prepare Your Child for a Hospital Stay]
6. Know what to expect with anesthesia
For routine outpatient surgeries, children around the age of 10 or younger will get anesthesia while breathing through a mask and fall asleep before an IV is placed, Taylor says.
Older children and those having more extensive surgeries often get an IV in the preoperative area. Then, anesthesia is given through an IV and provides relaxing medication to make separation from parents easier.
Seeing your child fall asleep with anesthesia can be distressing, as their eyes may roll in the back of their head, you may hear them breathe hoarsely and they may move their body involuntarily.
Once surgery is over, the anesthesia will start to wear off. Your child will likely not remember any of it.
“They may wake up grouchy. It may take some time for their sweet little child to come back,” Gentille says.
Staying calm during their recovery will make it easier for your child.
7. Don’t be surprised if a hospital stay is longer than planned
Ryska wishes that the medical team that has worked with her son was more transparent and less optimistic about how long his hospital stays would be.
“In many cases, we’ve had complications. Our first surgery was supposed to be a five-day stay/recovery, and we were in the hospital for 60 days,” she says.
Bottom line: Ask the medical team how any potential complications could change the hospital stay length. If you have other children at home and can set up care for them with family, you may want to add extra time into your expectations.
8. Let friends and family help
“Waiting while your child is in major surgery is super stressful, and it’s nice to be surrounded by people who are comforting to you,” Ryska says.
Another area where people may want to help is by cooking meals for you or your family.
“Always say yes,” Ryska advises. “It’s not always about the meal itself but letting others be with you in these moments. It’s their way of trying to hold the load with them. Let them.”
Support for caregivers is available. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Bottom Line
Going through your child’s surgery won’t be a stress-free experience, but tips like the ones here can make the experience a little easier.
Be prepared and ask questions when something is unclear. Do your best to stay calm around your child for a smoother recovery. Accept help when it’s offered from loved ones.
You may be pleasantly surprised by a quick recovery, too.
“Kids may bounce back pretty fast physically (and be) up and walking around the same day, depending on the surgery,” Gentille says.
More from U.S. News
13 Signs and Symptoms of a Medical Emergency
What to Pack in Your Hospital Bag Before a Surgery or Procedure: A Checklist
Migraine Hacks and Remedies for Fast Relief
8 Things Every Parent Should Know Before a Child’s Surgery originally appeared on usnews.com
