When Sandi Mitchell’s partner died in fall 2023 after a difficult illness, she was devastated by the loss, though it was far from her only taste of grief. Her first husband had died in 1999 after a long illness, and her second husband died suddenly in 2012. The third strike, however, was the one that really dinged her resilience, and she spiraled into depression and loneliness.
Despite living comfortably in her son’s home, his family’s circumstances had also changed over the 13 years that Mitchell, now 80, lived with them. The grandchildren had grown up, and Mitchell was left alone at home most days with little to occupy her time. Her grief, sadness and mobility challenges stemming from osteoarthritis made getting out and staying active in the community difficult.
So, Mitchell’s children suggested she move into an independent living community where she could receive more social interaction than in her family home. After a relatively short search, Mitchell, who also happens to be my mother, found a community that felt like home and signed a lease. She moves in tomorrow, and it’s a big step that we all hope signals a new chapter for her.
My mom’s story is not unique. Many older adults, especially those who’ve recently lost a spouse or partner, find it difficult to establish or maintain a routine and sense of purpose. However, it’s not always clear if loneliness or another issue is at work.
Here’s what to know about loneliness in older adults, how to determine if that’s what’s plaguing your loved one and how best to support a parent who’s dealing with it.
The Negative Impact of Loneliness
According to a 2024 review of national data from researchers at Michigan Medicine, the University of Michigan’s academic medical center, 33% of older adults reported feeling lonely some of the time or often in the previous year.
That’s especially concerning, as research consistently shows that chronic loneliness can lead to a range of negative health effects, including an increased risk of:
— Cognitive decline and dementia
— Type 2 diabetes
— Heart disease and stroke
— Depression, anxiety, suicidality and self-harm
— Earlier death
“Loneliness is more than just a feeling — it’s a health risk,” explains Christopher Nguyen, director of neuropsychology and the Office of Geriatrics and Gerontology at the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center and College of Medicine in Columbus. “That’s why it’s important not to brush it off as ‘just part of getting older.'”
[READ Loneliness in Older Adults: Challenges and Remedies]
Loneliness vs. Illness in Aging Parents: How to Tell the Difference
It’s not always easy to tell if your parent is battling a health issue or simply feeling isolated. So how can you recognize if they’re experiencing loneliness? It starts with understanding what it is and recognizing the signs.
“Loneliness isn’t always about being physically alone — it’s the distress someone feels when their social connections don’t meet their emotional needs,” Nguyen says.
In older adults, this can show up subtly and may sometimes be mistaken for other conditions, such as cognitive impairment or dementia.
Some signs you may notice include:
— Changes in mood, such as increased irritability, hostility or aggression
— Changes in behavior, such as withdrawing from activities they once enjoyed
— Emotional distress
— Prolonged feelings of sadness, depression or grief
— Sleep disruptions and fatigue
— Frequent headaches or nausea
— Increased anxiety or worrying
— Changes in appetite leading to weight loss or gain
— Changes in daily habits, such as neglecting personal appearance
— Difficulty concentrating and memory changes
Some of these symptoms can overlap with other conditions, including depression, dementia and even urinary tract infections. This is why it’s always a good idea to have your parent discuss any new or disruptive symptoms with their doctor.
While loneliness in later life is common, it isn’t just a side effect of aging, Nguyen says. “It’s a sign that someone is missing connection, purpose or a sense of belonging. And it’s not something we should accept as inevitable — older adults still want and need to feel valued, heard and emotionally connected.”
There are ways to support a loved one who’s experiencing loneliness, but it means taking the time to understand what matters to them. “Aging doesn’t take away the need for closeness; if anything, it deepens it,” Nguyen explains.
[The Truth About Depression in Older Adults]
Best Ways to Support a Parent’s Loneliness
It can be challenging to be the adult child of a parent who’s experiencing loneliness. The impulse is to fix it for them, but they may not want help and many of us don’t know where to start.
This step-by-step approach to addressing loneliness in a parent can help you identify the issue and provide support to your aging parent.
1. Ask and listen
“Start by truly listening to your parent, without rushing to solve the problem,” Nguyen explains.
Ask a lot of questions to determine how they’re feeling and encourage them to expound on what they’re experiencing. Open-ended questions that can help you build a dialogue include:
— What do you miss most these days?
— What used to make you feel connected?
— How are you really doing?
Listen carefully to their responses and resist the urge to correct or argue, even if they don’t have all the facts straight. Instead, validate their feelings and underscore that you want to support them.
“These conversations can reveal what kinds of relationships or activities once gave them purpose,” Nguyen says.
Having a purpose is critical to feeling fulfilled, and once someone retires from a career or their kids have grown, they may struggle to find a reason to get out of bed every morning.
“We recognize that both emotional connection and cognitive engagement are crucial for maintaining healthy aging,” Nguyen says, so help your parent explore what might help them feel more connected to others.
2. Establish a structure
My mom had spent several years caring for her partner, Phil, as he went through cancer treatment. It was a demanding job that kept her focused and on a routine. When he died, that all evaporated, and Mom was set adrift on an open schedule with few social engagements.
One thing that helped her, however, was joining the ARORA group at her local Life Time Fitness Center. This group, designed for people ages 65 and older and available at locations around the country, helped her get involved with a water aerobics class four times a week and provided meaningful structure to her days. The pool became a strong outlet for Mom to make new friends, feel connected to others, get the exercise she needed and feel a little less alone most days.
Nguyen says this structure is so important, but that it doesn’t have to take a specific format.
For my mom, a water aerobics class helped; for your parent, something as simple as a daily phone call, a weekly family video chat or a recurring outing, such as a Friday morning walk, could be enough to create predictability, which helps with emotional regulation and orientation.
3. Encourage engagement
Major life changes, such as losing a partner, can be incredibly stressful and disruptive. But they also create some space to pursue interests your parent might not have had the time or capacity to explore before. You can help them find a nascent or unexplored passion by encouraging them to engage in lifelong learning classes, community center events or even online discussion groups.
“These don’t just fill time; they stimulate the brain and create opportunities for connection,” Nguyen explains.
And your local senior center can be a great place to look for that engagement, says Jay Zigmont, founder and CEO of Childfree Wealth, a Tennessee-based investment adviser dedicated to serving childfree people, and Childfree Trust, a company that enables childfree people to appoint a trust company as their medical power of attorney, financial POA, executor and trustee.
“The goal of senior centers is to engage seniors. The bonus is that there are a wide variety of opportunities to engage with other seniors,” he says — from outings and educational offerings to clubs and shared meal opportunities.
Many centers also offer day trips, shopping excursions and more, which can be great for fostering connection with peers, Zigmont explains, adding that many senior centers provide transportation to and from these events.
4. Encourage reminiscence
Especially in the case of a parent who has lost a spouse, your impulse may be to avoid talking about the departed loved one for fear of upsetting your parent. But burying the past might actually make matters worse.
Instead, encourage your parent to talk about the good times and use memory cues to spark conversations, Nguyen recommends. For example, you can lean on a rotating digital photo frame or a family ‘memory jar’ with prompts to encourage storytelling.
“You can also help your parent feel purposeful by inviting them to mentor younger relatives, share family recipes or volunteer remotely with a cause they care about,” Nguyen says.
5. Get connected
In this digital age, it’s easier than ever to stay connected to your loved ones, and while it might take a little work to get it all set up, supporting your parents’ use of technology can help open up more lines of communication and connection to not just family but friends and a wider community too.
“Sometimes, simply helping them become comfortable with texting or using voice assistants can expand their social world,” he adds.
[READ: Senior Living Benefits: Making a Community Home]
6. Consider moving to a senior living community
When the measures we’d put in place at home didn’t seem to solve Mom’s loneliness, my family and I began exploring whether moving into an independent living community would better support her.
The jury is still out on whether that will prove to have been the right move, but Nguyen notes that for some older adults, moving into a community of their peers can be very helpful, “especially for older adults who have been feeling isolated or unsafe living alone.”
In many independent or assisted living communities, your parent will have ample opportunities for social connection through shared meals, social events, interest-based clubs and structured activities that can provide both companionship and a renewed sense of purpose.
“For some, this change can be transformative, leading to increased social engagement and improved mood. However, it’s not a guaranteed fix,” Nguyen notes.
Moving and the downsizing that often comes with it can be traumatic, especially for a parent who’s grieving, and moving to a new location brings a whole new set of logistical challenges and complex emotions.
“The transition is deeply personal and can bring a mix of relief and grief, especially if the move was prompted by health issues or loss of independence,” Nguyen says.
What’s more, “some older adults may feel disoriented or resist participation at first, and that’s normal,” he says. “The quality of the environment matters — a setting that fosters autonomy, dignity and a true sense of belonging is much more likely to reduce loneliness than one focused solely on care or convenience.”
And after they move, give them time to adjust at their own pace.
“A successful transition isn’t just about the place — it’s about feeling seen, respected and connected within it,” Nguyen says.
7. Stay consistent
Lastly, it’s important to note that loneliness can also bring a fear of abandonment in some individuals.
This is why “consistency matters most,” Nguyen says. “A regular rhythm of contact, paired with emotional presence, can go a long way in helping your parent feel seen, valued and connected.”
It’s important to remind your parent, through your presence, words and actions, that they haven’t been left behind, he notes. Remind them of all the ways they’re still deeply connected to the people who love them, and that this new chapter can still offer meaning, friendship and joy.
Helping your parent feel less lonely isn’t about big gestures, Nguyen adds. “It’s about small, consistent actions that rebuild a sense of routine, identity and meaning.”
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How to Tell If Your Aging Parent Is Lonely and What You Can Do About It originally appeared on usnews.com
