Common Caregiving Tasks to Do for Your Older Loved One

[IMAGE]

Although it’s not something we like to think about, the older loved ones in our lives will eventually likely need to be taken care of.

“My mother was 72 and still working as a social worker when she began struggling to learn the new computer system in her office. She couldn’t figure it out, and it upset her so much that she retired,” says Judy, who lives in New Jersey and asked us not to use her last name.

That was the first sign something was wrong. For several years after, Judy noticed more clues, such as repeating the same questions. At 76, her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.

“Though I wasn’t surprised, I still felt shocked,” Judy says.

Her father asked her mother to move into a continuing care retirement community (CCRC), which are senior living communities that offer a continuum of care as residents’ needs change.

“She hadn’t wanted to go. Change was not her thing. But right after her diagnosis, they moved in. This was perhaps the best decision of their lives,” Judy says.

It was a difficult conversation for Judy’s family to have about moving into a new situation — and one that is all too common. Many older loved ones will lose some ability to properly do many of the activities of daily living and may need help either in their home or at an assisted living facility.

For Judy and her family, moving her parents into a CCRC offered several benefits — including improved care for her mother and a reduced caregiving burden for her father and herself. But often, seniors are reluctant to leave their homes. In such instances, the responsibility of caregiving may fall to the spouse, children or hired help. Yet, many caregivers aren’t always prepared for the many challenges involved in taking care of a senior.

“Often, critical events like medical emergencies bring on the sudden need to care for elders, leaving us in confused emergency mode while furiously striving to adapt quickly,” says Julia Beck, founder of the family advocacy group It’s Working Project. One of the smartest and kindest things you can do for everyone is to have the difficult talk now about their elder care, she says.

For family members who choose to take care of a parent or another loved one, the work can be full-time and physically and emotionally difficult. To help you best prepare for the challenges of taking care of a senior who may need your assistance, it’s helpful to learn about the possible caregiving duties and expectations you may face as a caregiver for a senior. Consult the following list of common caregiving tasks and responsibilities.

[Signs It’s Time for Memory Care]

Duties and Tasks a Caregiver Might Expect to Do

Most older adults prefer staying in the comfort of their own home and age in place. As a result, the U.S. government estimates that there are some 53 million unpaid caregivers — typically relatives caring for a parent or other senior.

1. Adaptive changes to the home

If your loved one decides to age in place, consider changes for home safety and for tasks your loved one may no longer be able to handle:

Stair lift

— Bathroom grab bars

— Brighter lighting for better vision

— Decluttering, moving wires and loose carpets to reduce tripping hazards and prevent falls

— Ramps for wheelchairs or walkers

— Adjustable bed, if needed

Lift chair

— Functional carbon monoxide and smoke detectors

— Technology, including medical alert devices, in-home cameras and digital medication reminders.

Adapting the home should also include the older person’s “wants,” not just “needs.”

“Figure out what’s important to the senior — what do they value, what did they always enjoy doing — and then creatively adapt the home,” says Steve Barlam, a certified care manager, licensed clinical social worker and president of Aging Life Care Association. “I had a client who loved gardening but is now wheelchair dependent, and was not able to get on his knees to get his hands into the soil. We worked with a handyman to build planter boxes at sitting level, allowing him to continue gardening.”

[READ: Understanding the Different Eldercare Options]

2. Household tasks

— Cleaning and housekeeping

— Food shopping and meal prep

— Laundry

— Home maintenance

— Yard work

Keeping up with daily tasks can be a challenge for caregivers, depending on what your loved one is still able to do. But a caregiver won’t be able to do it all on their own either.

“Aging-in-place parental care is very hard to do alone. You will likely face an intense drain on many of your most valuable resources, such as money and time for self-care, your career, personal endeavors, friendships, your spouse, sleep and your sense of humor,” Beck says.

Splitting tasks among adult siblings, neighbors or friends or hiring paid help can make them more manageable.

Some programs, such as Meals on Wheels, also deliver ready-made meals to seniors at a reduced cost; the National Council on Aging (NCO) provides other resources for free or reduced food assistance for seniors.

[READ Senior Home Care: Services, Costs and Tips for Aging in Place]

3. Activities of daily living

Activities of daily living (ADLs) entails personal care, including:

— Bathing and personal hygiene

— Toileting

— Dressing

— Eating

— Moving from one place to another, such as bed to chair

“Aging in place is expensive and relies on full knowledge of a parent’s insurance, savings and other sources of financial support,” Beck says.

Some state programs may help cover the costs. Contact Eldercare Locator online or call 1-800-677-1116 to find out more about local programs.

[Read: 11 Signs Your Aging Parent Needs Senior Care]

4. Driving and transportation

Seniors often find it hard to give up driving.

“This is such a challenging situation for many family members, as they want to balance respecting the wishes of their parents to be independent while assuring safety,” Barlam says.

Arrange an alternate plan for getting around to keep seniors active and social and prevent isolation.

Neighbors, friends and relatives might also be happy to help out.

“My mother can no longer drive, so I pick her up at her place. We always go to the same diner, where she knows what she will eat, because it’s always the same thing,” Judy says of the visits that help her mom get out and about.

Leveraging the opinion of a third party, such as the loved one’s geriatrician, could make them more receptive to stopping driving.

Resources include:

Government programs. Some state, local and non-profit programs provide free transportation.

Medicaid. Medicaid also provides transportation to doctor’s appointments.

Public transportation. Public transportation has discount rates for seniors.

Rideshare programs. Rideshare programs, such as Lyft Up, offer senior discount rates.

AAA. AAA offers online self-assessments and improvement courses and driving skills evaluations through your local AAA club.

5. Health care management

Caregivers play an important role in their older loved one’s health care — even without a crisis.

They help provide support and manage day-to-day activities, such as:

— Making and keeping doctor’s appointments, including transportation

— Attending doctor’s appointments, taking notes and ensuring follow through with doctor recommendations

— Advocating for your loved one with health care professionals

— Managing medications, including creating a system to ensure they’re taking the proper medications and doses at the proper times; also, making sure they have refills or new scripts for medications when needed

— Dealing with insurance coverage and claims

6. Protect against theft and scams

Unfortunately, the elderly are common marks for financial scams, both online and by phone.

“Nobody is immune to these threats, but when cognitive issues are present, the risk is even greater,” says Judith Flynn, a certified elder law attorney in Massachusetts and president of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys’ (NAELA) board of directors.

She advises taking actions with your loved one, such as:

— Use caller ID and have your loved one agree to only answer calls from those they know.

— Don’t respond to any email or message without discussing it with you first.

— Sign your loved one up for free credit reports each year to check for new accounts or suspicious activity.

— Place a freeze through the three major credit bureaus to prevent new accounts from being opened.

7. Social support

Research shows isolation and loneliness worsen health problems in older people, while social connectedness can improve physical health. As a caregiver, you are the first line for social support.

“Checking in with the senior is critical. It can be a brief call on a regular basis,” Barlam says.

In addition, caregivers can facilitate getting their loved ones involved in things they enjoy, such as volunteering, joining groups or clubs.

“It’s about helping to connect the senior with activities that have meaning and interactions with people with whom the senior enjoys spending time,” Barlam says.

If you think your older loved one is depressed or lonely, reach out to their doctor or geriatric care manager.

[How to Prepare for End of Life: Medical Care and Planning]

Legal and Financial Caregiving Tasks to Consider

Getting ahead of health care planning before medical problems strike is critical.

“Be proactive,” Beck says. “The time of crisis is really too late and the least desirable starting point.”

1. Health care proxy

Being a health care proxy, or “agent,” allows you to only legally make decisions when your loved one, legally called the “principal,” has lost capacity to do so.

“At that point, the role of the health care agent is to make the decision the principal would make if they were able, so the first step is knowing what the principal would want,” Flynn says.

Questions you’ll want to ask your loved one, Flynn says, include:

— Would they want CPR and in what circumstances?

— Is there a point at which they would want to put a do not intubate or do not hospitalize order in place?

— Would they want dialysis if needed?

— Would they want artificial hydration and nutrition?

In addition, older people should have a living will (or alternate document recognized by your state), specifying these decisions.

“It would be particularly advisable for a health care agent in a dysfunctional family situation to ensure the principal has a living will in place to document their wishes, as this will serve as support for the health care agent if their decisions are challenged down the road,” Flynn says.

2. Power of attorney

Managing your loved ones’ finances, paying for health care and daily expenses and protecting them from scams are heavy responsibilities best planned for with the help of an elder care attorney and with your older loved one’s input.

A durable power of attorney document names an “attorney in fact” (AIF) to deal with financial and legal issues when necessary.

“The AIF must act in the best interest of the principal, must never co-mingle their assets with the principal’s, and must keep very clear records of every transaction to show they were acting in the principal’s best interest. This is even more important in dysfunctional family situations, when a future challenge is almost as certain as death and taxes,” Flynn says.

If a power of attorney is not named ahead of time, the court will appoint one when the loved one becomes incapacitated. The person selected may not align with their wishes, so it’s important to have this set up before then.

Flynn advises never making cash payments on behalf of your loved one, as there’s no verification where the money went. When paying by check, also get an invoice or receipt to prove what it was used for.

Most importantly, don’t get yourself or your loved one into legal or financial trouble because you abused your power over their money.

“I’ve seen a situation where a principal was denied benefits because the credit card statement documented significant purchases at a resort in the Caribbean when the principal was homebound,” Flynn says.

3. Government financial assistance programs

Different Medicaid benefits are available for both in-home and nursing home care, but the rules vary by state. Flynn recommends caregivers consult with an elder law attorney for local options that best fit their needs.

“We always seek to obtain benefits to keep clients safe in the home for as long as possible, and there is a (benefits) plan for every situation,” Flynn says.

Medicaid operates with an asset limit, though, which means your loved one won’t be eligible until they spend their own money on care down to a certain amount.

In addition, Medicaid has a five-year “look back” rule, which means any money or assets gifted during this period are still factored into their income, to discourage gifting in order to fall under the limit.

This is another reason not to use cash to pay for care.

“If the principal needs to apply for Medicaid benefits to pay for nursing home care within five years, those cash payments may be deemed ‘gifts’ because there is no verification that they were payments in exchange for care,” Flynn says.

[READ Dementia Care: Tips for Home Caregivers]

Preventing Caregiver Burnout

While it’s important to look after loved ones, family caregivers also need to take care of themselves to avoid compassion fatigue and burnout.

“If something happens to them, they will be of no help to the senior,” Barlam says.

— Make time for activities you enjoy: Chat with friends, do yoga, read, binge watch reality TV, take a long walk, listen to music or simply have a quiet moment to yourself.

— Talk with a therapist or coach.

— Find a peer support group.

— Allow yourself your feelings.

“Not only is the work challenging, there are complex layers of emotions,” Beck says. “Anger, frustration and guilt are absolutely normal.”

Respite care programs for caregivers are available to give you a break. For additional support, consider these third-party resources:

Geriatric care manager. A geriatric care manager, who is often a social worker certified in elder care, can help caregivers and their loved ones navigate these difficult changes.

Your employer. If you’re employed, check to see if your company offers an employee assistance program (EAP).

Aging Life Care Association. Contact the Aging Life Care Association, a nonprofit association that provides support for those navigating the aging journey, online or call 520-881-8008.

Bottom Line

Most older individuals want to stay in the comfort of their own home for as long and as independently as they can, but it requires personalized planning and support from their caregivers to ensure their safety and comfort.

Knowing what to expect and making early arrangements to support a loved one’s home setup, finances and mental well-being can make the process smoother.

In some cases, as the burden of caregiving increases, older adults may consider downsizing to an apartment or moving to a senior care community., where they can receive professional caregiving and more opportunities for socialization and activities.

If your loved one needs more care than you’re prepared to give, consider a senior living community that might better fit their needs. You can start your search for top-rated assisted living facilities with U.S. News’ Best Senior Living Communities.

For caregivers like Judy, whose last few years with her mom are bittersweet, there are a lot of responsibilities to consider.

“They say the average Alzheimer’s patient lives 6 to 7 years after diagnosis. She is coming up on year 4. The worse she gets, the more I will be with her, even as she disappears,” she says.

More from U.S. News

How to Pay for Senior Living

7 Signs It’s Time to Move to a Senior Living Facility

Common Problems in Senior Living Facilities and How to Handle Them

Common Caregiving Tasks to Do for Your Older Loved One originally appeared on usnews.com

Federal News Network Logo
Log in to your WTOP account for notifications and alerts customized for you.

Sign up