Some people seem to effortlessly command respect at work while others struggle to be taken seriously. Why? It often comes down to how assertive and authoritative you are.
Understanding what it means to be assertive and learning how to cultivate that skill can make a huge difference in how you’re perceived in the workplace.
What Does It Mean to Be Assertive?
Assertiveness is a soft skill that many employers value. “Assertiveness is the ability to communicate openly and honestly while respecting the rights and opinions of others,” says Arianny Mercedes, founder and principal consultant of Revamped, a global career and workplace consultancy.
The opposite of assertiveness is passiveness, which means letting things happen to you instead of advocating for yourself.
Many people misconstrue assertiveness as aggressiveness, but they’re not the same thing. “You can be assertive without being a jerk and alienating people,” said Dawid Wiacek, an executive career coach, in an email. “Plus, unlike aggressiveness, assertiveness usually (though not always) makes people respect you, even if they don’t always like you.”
[READ: Job Skills to List on Your Resume (And What to Exclude)]
Why Is It Important to Be Assertive at Work?
Assertiveness is important because it affects your overall satisfaction as an employee. “If your needs are being met because you are clear, direct and assertive, that means you are less likely to feel resentment toward your workplace or burnout,” Wiacek said. And if you’re a manager or boss, assertiveness can help make your vision and road map clear so that others can feel inspired or at least mobilized with clarity.
How Can I Become More Assertive in The Workplace?
If you tend to be shy or passive in the workplace, don’t worry. You can shift gears and become more assertive and even more authoritative at work. “Assertiveness is a skill that can be developed over time. It’s like a muscle. The more you work at it, the stronger you become,” Mercedes explained. Here are 10 actionable tips to help you become more assertive, whether you are a manager or an individual contributor.
1. Set Boundaries
The first step to becoming more assertive in the workplace is to define your boundaries. “Aggressive communicators don’t respect other people’s boundaries, and passive communicators often don’t respect their own. Assertive communication is all about being clear, direct, thoughtful and respectful — to both yourself and others,” Wiacek said.
Some boundaries could include not working on weekends, signing off at 5 p.m. or pausing your Slack notifications when you’re focusing on important work. You may also have boundaries about the type of language and tone that you find acceptable in conversations and emails. If anyone in the workplace violates these boundaries, communicate your expectations.
2. Find Allies and Mentors
Stereotype threat is common in the workplace. Minority employees, including women and people of color, often face stereotypes that label them as either too passive or too aggressive, regardless of their actual behavior. “These biases can make it difficult for them to assert themselves without being misunderstood,” Mercedes said.
If you’re a minority in the workplace, Mercedes suggests finding role models or mentors who come from a similar background. They may share how they’ve been able to assert themselves effectively in ways that fit their cultural experience.
3. Know How to Respond When You Don’t Know the Answer
You might not know how to handle every situation that comes your way, but you can still respond with confidence. Consider phrases like these: “You’ve given me a lot to think about, so let me get back to you” or “I appreciate you raising this issue, and I’ll think it over.” These statements let you exit tough conversations gracefully while remaining assertive.
4. Don’t Get Angry or Upset
Getting angry or upset signals that you don’t know a more effective way to respond and can undermine your authority. For instance, if you’re talking with an employee you manage about a performance issue, you might sound concerned, but you shouldn’t sound angry or hostile. You should be confident that you have the tools to back up your words with action.
[READ: 10 Types of Annoying Co-Workers and How to Deal With Them.]
5. Stop Worrying About Being Liked
You should focus on being respected and effective, not on being liked. To be effective, you’ll need to assert yourself without worrying about others’ approval when you deliver difficult news and make decisions that not everyone will like. If you’re deeply invested in being liked, you’re likely to sacrifice the very behaviors that will make people take you seriously.
6. Pay Attention to Your Tone and Body Language
Don’t shy away from declarative statements, and avoid ending sentences with a question unless they’re truly questions. If you regularly sound hesitant or unsure, people may assume that you either don’t have authority or that you’re not willing to use it.
Pay attention to your body language. Avoid fiddling with your hair, looking at your feet, crossing your arms or constantly touching your face. These habits can make you seem nervous and unsure of yourself.
7. Get Rid of Fillers
Filler words such as “um,” “like” and “I think” can make you sound unconfident. Aim to avoid these fillers when speaking because they can dilute your point and make you seem nervous and less confident in what you’re saying.
8. Be Comfortable With Silence
If you’ve ever seen someone rush to fill silence by chattering nervously, you know how it can diminish their assertiveness. When you’re speaking, make your point, and then stop. Similarly, it’s fine to pause before responding to a question. Confident people assume that others will wait for them to speak and know that they don’t need to rush to respond before they’ve formulated their thoughts.
9. Drop the Defensiveness
While responding defensively when your decisions are questioned is generally an attempt to protect your authority, it can make you come across as less assertive and authoritative. Assertive and confident people are open to the possibility that they might be mistaken or that there might be a better way of doing something.
10. Be Direct
Rather than shying away from difficult or awkward conversations, you’ll appear far more assertive if you say what needs to be said directly.
“Many of us make the mistake of buffering ourselves with extra words to soften the assertion, which could sometimes counteract our own desired outcome,” Heather Doshay, partner and head of talent at venture capital firm SignalFire, said in an email.
For instance, if you want to suggest hiring a project manager to your boss, Doshay recommends being concise and direct by saying, “We should hire a project manager next year to accelerate our progress toward our goals,” instead of “Do you think it might be OK if we were to hire a project manager for our team next year? I understand budgets are tight, but I wonder if it might be helpful for us to reach our goals a little bit faster.”
[Read: Salary Negotiation: How to Negotiate Salary and Succeed.]
Assertiveness Can Be Learned
Not everyone is naturally assertive, but it’s a skill anyone can develop. By practicing techniques like setting clear boundaries, communicating directly and using confident body language, being assertive will eventually start to feel natural to you.
But remember that assertiveness is not a manipulation tactic, nor does it guarantee that other people’s behavior will change. “Rather, it’s a form of insurance that your needs in the workplace are being communicated clearly in a way that the other party can hear, digest and understand,” Wiacek said.
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How to Be More Assertive at Work originally appeared on usnews.com
