When you’re in a relationship, it’s a good idea to pay attention to the way your partner deals with money. There could be signs of deeper problems that if left unaddressed can impact both of you. Keeping your concerns bottled up isn’t healthy, but it’s common.
A 2024 Fidelity Investments Couples and Money study found that 27% of couples say they are often frustrated by their partner’s money habits, but let their concerns go to keep the peace.
Having different approaches to personal economics doesn’t have to be a deal breaker, but finding common ground is important.
According to Deacon Hayes, financial coach and president of Well Kept Wallet, some money habits can be red flags that your partner might have deeper financial instability issues.
“The important thing is to approach your partner with a curious attitude and to try not to make assumptions about what’s really happening,” Hayes says.
Here are nine signs that your romantic partner may be financially unstable. When you address them quickly and thoughtfully, you can move forward.
1. They’re Reluctant to Talk About Money
A 2024 report published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology found that when a person experiences high levels of financial stress, they’re less likely to communicate with their partner about finances. They fear greater conflict.
Therefore, avoiding these conversations can indicate anxiety over their financial circumstances. Not knowing won’t benefit you, though, and couples should have candid conversations about money when managing joint finances.
How to Move Forward
Schedule a monthly money date where you specifically talk about your finances and check in on your goals. The more you can discuss finances, the easier it gets. These dates should be nonconfrontational, with a focus on what you can and will do to manage any problems.
2. They Don’t Pay Their Bills
While anyone can miss the occasional due date, regularly failing to pay bills on time can be a sign that they are deliberately avoiding payments, or are irresponsible. Look for envelopes marked “final notice.” Your partner may also be receiving phone calls from debt collectors.
[Read: How to Negotiate With Debt Collectors]
“When you’re seeing those types of notices — especially if your partner can afford the bills but is avoiding them — that’s an indication of something going on internally, not just financially,” says Marcella Mollon-Williams, a behavioral financial advisor and co-founder of Legacy Builder Group.
How to Move Forward
Mollon-Williams says to sit down with your partner to talk — without being accusatory — about what’s keeping them from staying current on their bills and how their current financial situation makes them feel.
You should know the underlying reasons. In some cases, you may want to take over the task of paying bills, especially shared ones, and let your partner focus on different tasks.
3. They Change Jobs Too Frequently
Testing out different occupations is fine, but when your partner is changing jobs several times in a year or is fired often, something could be wrong. They may not be performing well enough or just can’t adapt to the position. Whatever the case, their unstable income source can put you both in a very precarious place.
How to Move Forward
Lawrence Sprung, a certified financial planner and founder and lead wealth advisor at Mitlin Financial, says this is your cue to be realistic about your partner.
“You may want to be with someone ambitious, but they’re not thinking in that direction,” he says. “Communication is key. Ask what they are really looking for, what’s the roadblock? You have to decide if you’re really a match.”
4. They’re Dealing With Addiction
When someone is struggling with addiction — drugs, gambling, shopping or something else — they often make poor money choices. Either they are losing the money, spending it on things they shouldn’t, or can’t earn and save as normal. So, if you’re noticing any kind of compulsive behavior, dig into your shared bank statements. You might find empty accounts or high debt.
How to Move Forward
Getting your partner help for their addiction may take precedence over the related financial issues. While it may make sense for you to take over money and bill management, Mollon-Williams recommends trying to include your partner as much as possible while they’re working toward recovery.
“You don’t want to dehumanize them through the process,” Mollon-Williams says.
“You want to allow them to be part of decision-making but at the end of the day, it’s going to be the responsibility of the sober partner to make sure that everything is stable and the finances are operating as planned,” she adds.
5. They’re Spending to Keep Up With Others
Overspending may be common, but it’s definitely not positive, especially when your partner is doing it to keep up with their peers. It could mean that they are feeling inadequate. Red flags include spending on goods and services that are clearly outside the parameters of their paycheck. Your neighbor has a $1,000 backyard grill? Suddenly, so do you. And the credit card bill to go with it.
[Read: Inside the Psychology of Overspending and How to Stop.]
How to Move Forward
It’s not OK for your partner to drive you into debt out of competition or a sense of inferiority. It’s time to set limits and for you to monitor how much is going out and on what, but also to recognize what is triggering their overspending.
“When a partner is spending excessively, it is often about the feeling that shopping provides them,” Mollon-Williams says.
“It can provide a temporary escape from reality. The important thing that both partners need to identify and address is what the spender is trying to escape from … and how they can explore this issue together,” she adds.
6. They Overuse or Underuse Credit Cards
Credit cards are part of life for most people, but it’s a bad sign when your partner is relying on them to make ends meet. It’s often a sign of poor credit and money management skills.
And, if your partner is completely avoiding credit cards and only pays with cash? They may feel uneasy with the process because they haven’t learned to do it right. “It could also be a sign that they have had past credit troubles and can’t get a credit card,” Sprung says.
How to Move Forward
Using credit cards positively is a learned skill, so if you know how to handle them well, help your partner get up to speed. Or, listen to personal finance podcasts, read books on the subject or consider credit counseling.
Being candid is paramount when you’re in a relationship, but more so when you’re married. Sprung recommends that each of you pull your credit reports and review them together. If you identify too much debt, create a payoff plan.
[Related:6 Easy Ways to Pay Off Debt]
7. They Want to Control Your Money
When you’re in a committed relationship, particularly a marriage, there is a certain amount of financial commingling. However, if your partner is being overly controlling by overseeing even the smallest of transactions, restricting work or withdrawing funds from your accounts without your permission, be very careful. It could also be a sign of abuse.
Nearly six in 10 domestic violence victims say their abusers hurt their credit, and more than half say they lost jobs because of their abusers, according to the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
How to Move Forward
No one should take advantage of you or your money, so if setting reasonable ground rules doesn’t work or is dangerous, seek professional assistance. Placing a call to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 may help you determine your next step.
8. They’re Not Prioritizing Their Financial Life
When you’re young, preparing for the future may not be a priority. Research from Bank of America’s Better Money Habits 2024 survey found that roughly half of Gen Zers are delaying common milestones like buying a home, saving for retirement and investing. Eventually, though, those avoidant habits can catch up to you.
How to Move Forward
Set money goals together. Whether you’re saving for a house or planning your dream retirement, having something to work toward together may inspire your partner to take a more proactive approach to their own finances.
“Just because someone is currently bad with money, it doesn’t necessarily mean they will be this way forever,” Hayes says. “If you have deep conversations about money early on, it is possible that it could be the motivation they need to start making better choices with money.”
9. They Blame Everyone Else for Their Financial Problems
Your partner never seems to have enough money for the things they want or need, but it’s never their fault. Their boss won’t give them the raise they deserve, the economy is terrible, bill collectors are out to get them and they’re constantly fending off expensive emergencies that were completely unexpected. It’s not fair, they believe; life is stacked against them!
How to Move Forward
Everybody has moments when they feel that they simply can’t get ahead, but with the right actions, making great strides is more than possible. How do you change someone’s outlook, though, and encourage them to take accountability?
“This is definitely time to bring in a professional,” Sprung says. A therapist can help your partner explore why they have unrealistic expectations and provide tools and perspective. “Otherwise, you live with it,” Sprung says, but “this is this kind of thing that gets worse, not better, over time.”
Don’t Ignore Signs of Financial Instability
It can be tempting to avoid the signs of financial instability, but be proactive. As a couple, what your partner does with money impacts you in the short and the long term. When you recognize that something is off, don’t wait. Take steps to make it right.
More from U.S. News
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9 Signs Your Romantic Partner Might Be Financially Unstable originally appeared on usnews.com
Update 07/23/24: This story was published at an earlier date and has been updated with new information.
