Couples in long-term relationships share many parts of life — including their finances. But does that mean you have to check with your partner before every purchase you make?
Julia Carpenter brought up this important topic in her recent article in The Wall Street Journal, $50 or $500: When Do We Tell Our Partner What We’ve Spent?
Many desire a level of financial autonomy despite being in a marriage or long-term partnership. If, for example, you’re out shopping with a friend and find a nice pair of shoes, you may want to buy them without asking your partner. Or, if you’re out to dinner with a friend or family member, you may want to pay for the bill without waiting for the green light from your spouse.
The big question is — how much can you spend before you should check with your partner?
[READ: Revenge Spending: What It Is and How to Stop It]
Spending Limits for Couples
There’s no hard and fast spending limit that’s going to suit every couple. The number you and your partner set can vary depending on your current budget and what makes you both feel comfortable. A key to avoiding potential conflicts is having an open conversation about it.
“I recommend that couples create an agreement about when they need to check in with each other before spending money and when they don’t,” says Susan B. Saint-Rossy, a licensed clinical social worker and relationship therapist.
“Without the agreement, couples can experience unnecessary conflict and anxiety about money habits, especially if one tends to be a spender and the other is more conservative,” she adds.
To find the right limit for you and your partner, discuss the number each of you feels comfortable with and try to come to an agreement.
For example, if you’re comfortable with a $100 spending limit and your partner wants a $300 limit, review your budget together and discuss the reasons behind each of your numbers. Perhaps you settle at $200 or one of you comes to the other’s side.
[Read: Inside the Psychology of Overspending and How to Stop.]
Reassessing the Spending Limit
Once you and your partner have set a spending limit, it shouldn’t be set for life. The limit is something you’ll likely want to revisit each year or when you undergo a significant life change.
If you get a promotion, for example, your income will increase, which may make you both feel more comfortable with a higher spending limit. On the other hand, when you begin having children and your expenses increase, you may want to lower the limit.
It can also be necessary to revisit the spending limit if it’s getting met too quickly or unevenly.
“If this fun allotment is depleted too quickly by either partner, then you should sit down, together, and review everything to see what is going on overall,” says Christina Vilaboa-Abel, a founding partner of CAVA Law who has practiced in the area of debt-related advocacy.
[READ: Revenge Spending: What It Is and How to Stop It]
What Should You Consider When Setting Spending Limits?
When setting spending limits, consider the amount of money that’s left over after accounting for all of your monthly expenses and joint goals.
If you and your partner earn $8,500 per month after taxes and have $6,000 in monthly expenses, for example, you’ll have $2,500 left over each month. If $2,000 per month goes to joint goals like building your savings fund, investing in retirement and covering date nights, you’ll have $500 left. With that in mind, you and your partner may agree that occasional purchases up to $100 are OK without letting the other know.
But a spending limit isn’t your only option: Some couples opt to set a monthly allowance instead.
“My husband and I have been married for 34 years and have found what works best is to give ourselves a monthly allowance. We discuss all major purchases which come out of our joint accounts but we each get an equal amount of money every month to spend on whatever we want,” says Audra Exgington, a retiree from Texas and travel blogger at Passports and Photographs.
“This way neither of us feels like someone is getting more than the other out of ‘our’ money,” she says.
The right solution for you and your partner will be unique to your relationship and situation. The most important thing, however, is having a proactive conversation so you’re both on the same page.
More from U.S. News
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How Spending Limits Can Help Partners Avoid Money Conflicts originally appeared on usnews.com
