The transition to college is an adjustment for the whole family, not just the student. College is often the first time students are living independently, and parents may worry their child will face academic obstacles, peer pressure to try alcohol or drugs, or difficulties making new friends.
“It’s a new, exciting journey, and for the parents, they should be there every step of the way,” says Vaughn Calhoun, assistant vice president in the student services division and dean of the Center for Academic Success at Seton Hall University in New Jersey. “But realizing their role is going to change just a little bit, going from actually running the plays to maybe being more of the coach on the side.”
Here are six ways parents can support their child’s transition from high school to college.
Finish One Chapter at a Time
Some college prep tasks — like packing and filling out forms — can wait until after high school graduation. Soon-to-be college freshmen should focus on enjoying the rest of their high school experience. That means ending strong academically and participating in end-of-year activities, such as prom and senior skip day.
[See: Don’t Make These 8 Freshman Mistakes in College.]
“Make sure they are really taking in all of those moments,” says Josh Eisenberg, associate dean of students and dean of campus life at Pomona College in California. “And remind them to finish one chapter before they start the other.”
Have Conversations About College Life
Before move-in day, parents should discuss how college may be academically and socially different than high school.
For instance, alcohol and drugs are often part of the social scene in college. Parents should have honest conversations with their child about what they may encounter and ways to stay safe. And if students do choose to go out to house parties and other events where drugs or alcohol may be present, they should plan ahead on ways to get home, stay in a group and avoid leaving any beverages unattended.
Experts also advise parents to discuss academic performance and the challenges of college classes, as well as lay out communication expectations like how often they’ll talk on the phone during the school year.
Encourage Self-Advocacy
Unlike in K-12, college students have to self-advocate and learn to solve challenges that arise, such as roommate issues, inability to register for a certain class or conflict with a professor. Developing those problem-solving skills is necessary for success in college and post-graduation life.
[READ: Campus Support Every First-Year College Student Should Use.]
“I think so many of the parents are so heavily involved with their children in later years than was maybe typical in earlier generations. It can come as a big shock,” says Colleen Paparella, founder of DC College Counseling, an independent company that provides guidance to students navigating the admissions process. “As the student gains more independence, rather than give them solutions to the problems that come up, be a sounding board. Encourage them to come up with their own solutions while you discuss it together.”
Allow Mistakes to Happen
Mistakes are inevitable, including in college. College students may miss an assignment or oversleep for class, for instance. But students can’t learn from those mistakes unless they take responsibility and accept any potential consequences, experts say.
“Don’t be afraid to let your child fail in small ways and learn how to pick themselves back up from a big disappointment,” Paparella says. “Sometimes from a parent perspective, the hardest thing you can do is just let your child fail. But know this is for a greater cause down the line.”
Respect Their Academic Journey
College, particularly freshman year, is a time for students to explore their interests by taking a variety of courses. However, students and parents might have differing visions on what career route to take, Calhoun says.
“Respect their choices regarding matters of majors, course selection and even career pathways,” he says. “It should be part of the conversation to give guidance and share your insights, but ultimately allow them the freedom to make their own decisions.”
Limit Visits
Homesickness is a common feeling among college students. While it can be tempting to keep your children home, try to discourage them from visiting often, especially if they live close to campus.
[READ: How to Navigate College as a Neurodivergent Student.]
When students go home between breaks, “the rest of the campus is continuing on, people are forging relationships and it’s going to be so much harder to catch back up later,” Paparella says. “I would just think about the long game and not about how to put a Band-Aid on in the short term.”
Instead, schedule the first visit, whether that’s family weekend, fall break, Thanksgiving or winter break. Another way to address homesickness is pushing students to get involved in clubs, volunteer or attend events on campus.
“Too many students create a cycle where they don’t connect right away so then they call their families and feel homesick,” Eisenberg says. “Families might want to grab them, bring them home and say, ‘Hey, we’ll take care of you.’ What they really need to do is sit there and ask, ‘What did you get involved (with) in high school or what interests you?’ Or, ‘What are some things going on campus this weekend that you can go to? I want to hear about them on Monday.'”
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How Parents Can Support the Adjustment to College originally appeared on usnews.com
