Whether you’ve been with your partner for days or decades, understanding how they think about money is key to long-term romantic and financial success.
Having different approaches to money doesn’t have to be a romantic deal breaker, and finding common ground is often a sign of a healthy, long-term relationship.
That said, some money habits are red flags that could be signs of deeper financial instability issues that could impact both of you. When that’s the case, you need to address the issues.
“The important thing is to approach your partner with a curious attitude and to try not to make assumptions about what is really happening,” Deacon Hayes, financial coach and founder of Well Kept Wallet, says.
Keep reading to discover signs that your romantic partner may be financially unstable — and how you can work through the issue together.
You Don’t Talk About Money With Each Other
The first step to getting on the same financial page is regularly communicating about money — but that’s easier said than done.
One-third of new couples recently surveyed by the financial well-being app Stackin said they don’t feel at all comfortable talking to their partners about money, and 31% said they had arguments with their partners about money in the last month.
How to Move Forward
Schedule a monthly “money date,” to talk about your finances and goals. The more you can talk about money, the easier it gets.
They Don’t Pay Their Bills
While everyone makes mistakes and it’s easy to miss a payment occasionally, regularly failing to pay bills could be a sign of a bigger problem. This may be the case if you notice your partner is getting bills marked “final notice” or receiving phone calls from debt collectors.
How to Move Forward
Sit down with your partner to talk — without being accusatory — about what’s keeping them from staying current on their bills and how their current financial situation makes them feel, Marcella Mollon-Williams, behavioral financial advisor with Legacy Builder Group, says.
“When you’re seeing those types of notices — especially if your partner can afford the bills but is avoiding them — that’s an indication of something going on internally, not just financially,” she adds.
In some cases, you may want to take over the task of paying bills, especially shared ones, and let your partner focus on different financial tasks.
[READ:14 Easy Ways to Pay Off Debt]
They’re Dealing With Addiction
When someone is struggling with addiction — drugs, gambling, shopping or something else — they often make poor money choices.
How to Move Forward
Getting your partner help for their addiction may take precedence over the related financial issues. While it may make sense for you to take over financial management, try to include your partner as much as possible while they’re working toward recovery.
“You don’t want to dehumanize them through the process,” Mollon-Williams says.
“You want to allow them to be part of decision making but at the end of the day, it’s going to be the responsibility of the sober partner to make sure that everything is stable and the finances are operating as planned,” she says.
[READ: Candy, Cash, Gifts: How Rewards Help Recovery From Addiction]
They’re Overspending
“Keeping up with the Joneses,” or spending like others in your peer group — whether you can afford it or not — is a dangerous financial habit. But it can also be a sign of deeper financial challenges.
How to Move Forward
Talk to your partner to see if they recognize their overspending habits and discuss what may be triggering them.
“When a partner is spending excessively, it is often about the feeling that shopping provides them,” Mollon-Williams says.
“It can provide a temporary escape from reality. The important thing that both partners need to identify and address is what the spender is trying to escape from … and how they can explore this issue together,” she says.
[Read: Inside the Psychology of Overspending and How to Stop.]
They Want to Control Your Money
Your partner wanting to control your money might be a sign they’re having trouble with their own finances — and a red flag that your relationship may not be healthy. Nearly 60% of domestic violence victims say their abusers hurt their credit, and more than half say they lost jobs because of their abusers, according to the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
How to Move Forward
If you think your partner’s attitude toward your money is unhealthy or abusive, you may need professional help. A call to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 may help you determine your next step.
They’re Not Prioritizing Their Financial Life
Moving toward financial security requires making intentional decisions about your money with an eye toward the future. If your partner isn’t interested in doing that, they may not be able to improve their money situation.
How to move forward
Set money goals together. Whether you’re saving for a house or planning your dream retirement, having something to work toward together may inspire you partner to take a more proactive approach to their own finances.
“Just because someone is currently bad with money, doesn’t necessarily mean they will be this way forever,” Hayes says. “If you have deep conversations about money early on, it is possible that it could be the motivation they need to start making better choices with money.”
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6 Signs Your Romantic Partner Might Be Financially Unstable originally appeared on usnews.com
Update 02/28/23: This story was previously published at an earlier date and has been updated with new information.
