The defensive posture it seems many men have taken in response to Gillette’s “The Best Men Can Be” campaign is simply absurd. Calling the company’s latest ad “an attack on men” is first and foremost a denial of reality. It is also narrow-minded and missing the point entirely.
Sexual harassment in the workplace did — and does — happen.
The provocative ad campaign, as I see it, reflects an idea that educator Peggy McIntosh is largely credited with: windows and mirrors.
In the mirror, today’s men can see different aspects of masculinity — some we identify with, others we don’t, and some we’d prefer not to admit to identifying with, but that in truth, we actually do. The latest ad also provides a window into a new, aspirational and expanded version of masculinity that millions of men increasingly identify with, actively strive for and already embody today.
[Read: Beyond Heroes or Villains: Looking Back at Your Father’s Legacy.]
In my opinion, it boils down to which of Gillette’s purposefully polemic, simplified portrayals of masculinity you most strongly identify with: what Stanford University psychology professor Carol Dweck calls the fixed-mindset — the “we are who we are” man who is accepting of the sexually harassing, boys will be boys, violence as a norm, and patronizing version of manhood; or what Dweck characterizes as a growth-mindset — or the “we can change and evolve” man who rejects and actively challenges the demeaning, threatening and violent treatment of women, is aware of his influence on children (his own and others), and holds himself and other men and boys to a higher standard version of manhood.
Of course, it should be noted that no ad can capture the true complexity of a subject like masculinity. The unfortunate result of oversimplification is an either-or proposition. In reality, most men, I believe, struggle in the gray area when it comes to which aspects of masculinity to embrace (that is, if they accept gender as a legitimate construct in the first place).
The featured ad, for example, does not touch on some of the most damaging aspects of traditional masculinity, such as rampant alcoholism that has plagued generations past and present, or the widely and systemic acceptance of violence against women and children.
[Read: Why Dads Should Get More Involved in Their Kids’ Schools.]
And to be fair, many positive aspects of traditional masculinity that men want to carry forth were left out, such as the joys and proven benefits of “rough and tumble” play with and amongst children (versus violently beating each other up) or values such as strength and sacrifice that so many men in past generations embodied.
Still there are things that men can take stock of that could prove instructive in all areas of life — including parenting, and being a role model for children.
Take Action: Moving Into the Gray
Here are a couple things I’d suggest:
— Consider the perspective of other men. Whether you consider yourself more of a traditional or modern man, consider how your peers may view the world. If you find yourself offended by the Gillette ad or feeling like manhood is under attack these days, challenge yourself to see how someone (of any gender) could be empowered by this reexamination of masculinity. As Nobel Prize nominee Thich Nhat Hanh said, the best way to solve conflict is to figure out how the other person is right.
[Read: Creating Your ‘Dad’s Vision Statement.’]
— Look in the mirror. Ask yourself: In what ways do I support (either vocally or quietly) or embody any of the popular portrayals of masculinity that I currently find to be offensive, immoral, reprehensible or just straight wrong? (Hint: If you can’t find any, my guess is that you aren’t willing to be part of this important conversation; dialogue is critical to growth, and growth is painful.) Make a commitment to either stop, change or, at a minimum, discuss this unpleasant light you see yourself in with two other people in your life that you consider to be honest, caring and trustworthy.
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Define Masculine: What Does it Mean to Be a Man Today? originally appeared on usnews.com
