As children enter adolescence, teen friendships become increasingly important. In fact, parents sometimes feel ignored or abandoned by their children in favor of friendships. That’s because teens are hardwired to begin building peer relationships outside the family. These connections are essential to their process of forming an identity, declaring independence and finding a sense of acceptance and belonging.
We all know that having good friends makes us happier. But scientists have put this feeling to the test. In a study that used data from a nationally representative sample of more than 111,000 adolescents, researchers investigated whether teenagers who were integrated into friendship networks had better mental health, as measured by a number of depressive symptoms. The findings made clear that teens with more friends had fewer symptoms of depression.
The Benefits of Teen Friendship
Social connections, such as teen friendship, create a host of positive benefits, including:
— Higher-functioning immune system
— Better self-esteem
— Lower rates of anxiety and depression
— Happier, more optimistic outlook
— Longer life expectancy
— Stronger emotional regulation skills
— Improved cognitive function
— More empathy and feelings of trust toward others
— Better ability to cope after a stressful event
Furthermore, teenagers who have close friendships in adolescence have better mental health as young adults. New research published in the journal Child Development followed 169 people, starting at ages 15 and 16, and compared teenagers with close, intense friendships to popular teens with a larger friend group. Each year, the participants were given questionnaires to assess their levels of anxiety, depression and self-worth.
The researchers found that people who had close friends as teens reported higher levels of self-worth and lower levels of social anxiety and depression at age 25, compared with their popular peers. It seems that the most beneficial teen relationships are deep, close friendships in which teenagers feel seen for who they truly are.
[Read: Money Can Actually Buy Some Happiness. But How Much?]
Technology and Teen Friendships
Today’s teens maintain friendships with the help of social media, messaging apps and daily texting. However, sharing on social media can have negative consequences for teen well-being: Teens learn about events and activities to which they weren’t invited, or compare themselves unfavorably with the images they see on social media. According to a report from the Pew Research Center, 21 percent of teen social media users report feeling worse about their own life because of what they see from other friends on social media, and 68 percent of users have experienced drama among their friends on social media.
Here’s one place where parents can step in to set boundaries. Create phone-free zones and unplugged activities (including mealtimes). Limit the data available. Set electronic curfews — and stick to them. Plan tech-free family outings. And talk about it; teens are smart enough to understand the research around social media and smartphone addiction and its implications for them and their friendships. If their friends are real and not just virtual, they’ll still be there even when the screens go dark.
[See: 10 Tips to Lighten Up and Laugh.]
The Good and Bad Sides of Peer Pressure
Parents have always understood that peer pressure can encourage teens to make poor choices that typically relate to risky behavior, such as drug use and drinking, unsafe sexual behavior, and unsafe driving. Now scientists have evidence of the link: Research using brain-imaging technology shows that teens experiencing peer pressure are more likely to make risky decisions in a gambling game — even when the peer is anonymous and not physically present.
However, the study also found that there are beneficial aspects to peer pressure: Teenagers who believed they were being watched while gambling learned faster, did better on the task, and were more likely to try out new ways of approaching the game. Researchers concluded “that teenagers learn more quickly and more effectively when their peers are present than when they’re on their own.”
In addition, a survey of approximately 1,500 adolescents and their families showed that the vast majority of young teens are not pressured by their friends to drink, smoke, use illegal drugs or engage in other risky behaviors. In fact, the study found that friends are much more likely to support each other’s efforts to do well, rather than pressuring each other to take risks or make poor choices.
So parents would do well not to jump to conclusions. Instead, they can observe their teen’s friend group over time and determine whether the influence of peers is, overall, a good thing. Parents can also help teens recognize how friends influence each other, in both positive and negative ways. When teens understand the power of peer pressure, they can make clearer decisions.
How to Talk to Teens About Friendship
Parents can’t choose their teenagers’ friends, and they can’t (and shouldn’t) control their friendships. But parents can and should talk to their teens about what friendships should feel like, and help them understand how to be a good friend.
The best teen friendships allow teenagers to speak honestly and openly about how they are feeling, without fear of being judged or insulted. Friendships depend on listening as well as sharing, and responding with compassion, encouragement and positive feedback.
It’s also helpful for teenagers to be reminded that not all friendships last forever. People change as they mature, and therefore they may grow apart. Parents can encourage teens to think about the qualities that are important to them in a relationship. Friendships are more likely to last when teens have similar values and priorities, and when they want the same things out of the relationship.
[See: 6 Proven Ways to Bring Happiness to Your Life.]
Moreover, teen friendships help adolescents learn how to navigate conflict, giving them the opportunity to look at themselves and recognize what they could do differently. They learn how important it is to say “I’m sorry,” and also how important it is to forgive.
Bottom line: The more accepting parents can be of their teenager’s friends, the better, as long as they don’t threaten a teen’s safety or long-term happiness. The priority for parents is to maintain closeness and communication with their child, and that means respecting their friendships, along with the other choices they make as they mature into adulthood.
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Adolescent Friendships and Relationships: When Parents Should Step In originally appeared on usnews.com
