In the wake of the #MeToo Movement, the cultural reckoning over sexual harassment and assault continues to expand day by day. Movie mogul Harvey Weinstein, who faces dozens of allegations from rape to sexual harassment spanning decades, was formally charged last week with rape and several other counts of sexual abuse involving two unnamed women. And Bill Cosby, once described as “America’s Dad,” was found guilty on three counts of aggravated indecent assault in April and awaits sentencing.
Now more than ever it’s important for fathers to do the work of proactively making changes with our own children to prevent sexual violence.
Just as I look to other adults for mentorship, our sons and daughters look to the men in their lives as models for how to treat girls and women. If we want to make true, lasting change, one key lesson boys need to get — from men and women alike — is that acting like a man has nothing to do with demeaning, disrespecting or abusing girls and women. A man proves his strength by treating women with dignity and equality, and as described in the Futures Without Violence “Coaching Boys Into Men Playbook,” does everything he can to make sure others do so as well.
[Read: Teen Dating Violence: What Parents and Teens Should Know.]
Far too often, when a man makes a sexist joke, or comments on a woman’s body, other men (even if they are friends or coworkers) see their choice in binary terms: Either join in or simply say nothing at all. Most men learned as boys that to speak up would result in accusations about our own sexuality or “sensitivity,” and that staying quiet is easier.
It’s precisely because of men’s silence that our daughters and women in our lives have had to learn to live with the fear of sexual assault (including abuse by other male family members) and harassment. If, on the other hand, men were to hold each other accountable for treating girls and women respectfully, things would undoubtedly be much different.
It’s of critical importance that we, as fathers and as men, understand the reality, scope and pervasiveness of the problem of male violence against girls and women in the U.S. today, and its impact on those we love:
— Girls are at the greatest risk for rape or sexual assault at age 14.
— Girls of all races are equally vulnerable to violence by an intimate partner, according to estimates from the Bureau of Justice Statistics.
— Nearly one-third of all women in the U.S. will experience physical or sexual abuse in their lifetime.
— A Harvard School of Public Health survey suggests that 1 in 5 high school girls is physically or sexually abused by a dating partner.
— Girls and young women who are raped or sexually assaulted almost always know the perpetrator.
— According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, fewer than half (48 percent) of all rapes and sexual assaults are reported to legal authorities.
[Read: Child Sexual Abuse: When Trust Gets Shattered.]
As dads and men, we have a major stake in creating a safer world for our daughters and sons. By teaching the next generation of boys about the attitudes and behaviors that can lead to violence against women, and modeling a different approach, change is possible.
Here are five practical steps you can take:
1. Pay attention to the messages your daughter receives. That includes the messages she gets from you, other family members, religious or ethnic traditions, the media, peers and other influences about the gender stereotypes she faces as a girl or young woman today. Be open to feedback regarding ways you may reinforce gender stereotypes and learn how you can challenge and resist them as well
2. Be curious and learn about the media she consumes. And try to do so without judgment. This ranges from from movies to music to video games — what she likes and dislikes. Discuss her viewpoints. Find out if her school teaches media literacy, and addresses body image issues, gender-based violence and sexual harassment.
3. Be involved. Whether it’s coaching her teams, volunteering at school, helping out with carpooling or taking her shopping for new school clothes, there is no better way to both show your love and learn about her life than by getting involved.
4. Focus on your daughter’s thoughts, actions and dreams — not her looks. Never make comments about her weight.
[Read: 5 Ways To Help Our Daughters Develop a Positive Body Image.]
5. Share your experiences as a boy. Think about stories you may recollect regarding a time you felt pressured to behave a certain way towards girls (and boys) and how you handled it. Discuss what it meant to you growing up to respect girls and women, as well as what it means to you today, and how you handled body image issues as a boy in healthy or not-so-healthy ways.
More from U.S. News
10 Ways to Broach the Subject of Sex With Your Teen
4 Opioid Drugs Parents Should Have on Their Radar
11 Ways Healthy Community Design is Working
What Dads Can Do to Make the World Safer for Their Daughters originally appeared on usnews.com
