In my line of work, cardiac bypass surgery is a surgery I recommend for my patients at least once a week. When I discuss surgery, I mostly talk about the risks and the recovery — the mechanics of returning to a normal life. I rarely talk about what it will feel like to go through surgery. But recently, my father-in-law underwent cardiac bypass surgery. And as my perspective shifted from clinician to family member, I found myself much more preoccupied with the emotions than the mechanics. So on the eve of my father-in-law’s bypass surgery, this is what I said to him:
[See: 10 Heart-Health Breakthroughs.]
Be patient. Cardiac surgery is significant surgery. To get to your heart, they need to go through your sternum (breastbone). And then they operate on your heart. The healing can take weeks to months. In those first days, when you’ve moved beyond the immediate post-surgical period, time will move slowly. Every day will be better than the last – the pain will reduce, your strength will increase. But it will be slower than you want it to be. And the surgery itself will make you impatient – there is no greater motivator for wanting to get on with your life than undergoing major surgery. I promise there will be time for all of that. In in the interim, focus on the slow, incremental steps of recovery.
Be a patient. As a physician (my father-in-law is a family physician), I know it’s your instinct to direct your own care. It’s critical to your recovery that you let yourself be a patient. Not just for all the reasons we both know — decisions should be made by the professionals who can see the options without the emotional weight — but also because in your recovery, it’s difficult to handle the burden of recovery and the burden of decision making. Only you can bear the burden of recovery — others can shoulder the medical decisions.
[See: 10 Ways to Prepare for Surgery.]
Let yourself be taken care of. Independence is something I know you pride yourself on. And the helplessness felt in the days after surgery, when you will feel little in your own control, will make you crave those moments of independence more. Don’t worry: Even in those hardest moments after surgery, know that your independence will return. But in the between, relish the moments of being taken care of by those who love you most. This is not just for you. The people around you will feel similarly helpless after surgery, unsure of what will help you and what will be harmful. The simple tasks of helping you eat or get up from a seated position are little things that will remind them of their value to you and remind you of their love. So let them help you.
Have faith. As physicians, you and I have seen enough in the care of our patients to know that some of what happens is out of all of our hands. Have faith in the skills of your doctors and nurses, have faith in the support of your family and most of all, have faith in your own strength. You are a person of great resilience, and that resilience has already been tested many times in your life. This is but a small challenge in comparison.
[Read: 8 Quirky Things That Can Help You De-Stress.]
Remember the prize. On your toughest days, when the pain feels like too much or the progress is too slow, remember that the goal is a worthy one. It’s not just to extend your life but also to get the most out of it. To be able to beat your grandchildren in a race, to fully enjoy those extended walks along the shores of the bay, to continue to gift your son-in-law with the rarest of treasures — discrete bundles of knowledge containing equal parts medicine and philosophy. These are the prizes that await you when your recovery is complete.
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Musings On the Eve of Cardiac Bypass Surgery originally appeared on usnews.com
