Competition can be very healthy for kids. It motivates them. It keeps them focused on a goal. It teaches them how to win and lose, the value of teamwork, and perseverance. Whether kids engage in competitive sports or academic contests or compete in other ways, they learn to push themselves and work through obstacles to complete the task at hand. All of this results in resilience, new skills and passion.
When competition turns toxic, however, kids suffer. I was running an assembly on empathy and compassion for upper elementary school students when a question from a fifth-grade girl gave me pause. “What do you do when your grownups are always yelling at you from the sideline and telling you what you’re doing wrong and what you should be doing to do better?” she asked. The room fell silent as one hundred sets of eyes stared at me, waiting for my response. I asked if other kids experienced the same thing. Hands went up as they nodded in agreement. “Parents are terrible at losing,” remarked one boy.
Kids today face toxic levels of competition. Overzealous corrections from the sidelines are one thing, but kids tell me that their parents pressure them to succeed at school, in social settings, on the playing field, in extracurricular activities and just about everywhere they go. The push to achieve is intense, and our kids are crumbling under the pressure.
[Read: How Parental Stress Negatively Affects Kids.]
One study found that nearly half (49 percent) of students surveyed reported feeling a great deal of stress on a daily basis, and 31 percent reported feeling somewhat stressed. Given that high stress levels are associated with impaired behavioral, emotional and academic development and numerous health consequences, it’s important to step back and understand how toxic competition affects our kids on a daily basis and what we can do to counteract these issues.
It fractures friendships.
When kids experience achievement pressure, they are also forced to compete with, and judge themselves in relation to, their peers. Instead of building strong foundations of friendship, kids focus on winning and outperforming their peers. This not only leads to arguments and difficulty working together, but it robs kids of the opportunity to experience healthy and supportive friendships.
Unhealthy competition within social circles fuels negative peer interactions, including bullying and cyberbullying.
It triggers stress.
When kids are pressured to achieve, they are forced to spend long periods of time practicing, studying and working toward success. This leaves very little time for downtime, self-discovery and fun. Kids of all ages need to learn how to practice self-care, and that begins with creating balance. When kids are under stress, it’s very difficult for them to maintain healthy habits. This only exacerbates the stress cycle, which can result in anxiety, frequent illness and symptoms of depression.
[Read: How to Help Kids Cope With the Stress of Competitive Sports.]
It results in burnout.
Survey data shows 70 percent of youth drop out of organized sports by age 13. The pressure to be the best and rise to the top is insurmountable. Overuse injuries plague adolescents due to early sports specialization. Often, the game simply isn’t fun anymore.
The competition to succeed academically, socially and within other areas of interest also results in burnout. Childhood and adolescence is meant to be a time of discovery, but many kids today face intense pressure to find their passion and succeed within that passion starting in early childhood. Instead of taking the time to figure out who they are and who they want to become, kids are forced to perform.
It fast tracks childhood.
When kids are consistently forced to excel, they race through childhood at a fast pace, potentially missing important developmental tasks along the way. Kids need time to practice social interaction skills, to learn how to set and reach goals, to make mistakes and build resilience, and to hone their interests.
[Read: How to Raise Resilient Kids.]
As parents, the onus is on us to step back from this culture of toxic competition in childhood and adolescence. Try these strategies to promote a healthy balance in your home:
— Resist the urge to fill each afternoon with structured activities.
— Encourage your child to try a variety of sports instead of specializing in just one.
— Teach healthy coping skills.
— Promote non-competitive activities to balance out competitive ones.
— Redefine success, failure and mistakes, focusing on the learning experience.
— Make time for family, friends and downtime.
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How Toxic Competition Is Ruining Our Kids — and What to Do About It originally appeared on usnews.com
