The sold-out Watermark Conference for Women in Silicon Valley on Feb. 23 drew over 6,500 attendees, and one topic was particularly popular — dealing with work-life balance. Several of the breakout sessions and workshops focused not on how to get ahead, but on how to simply stay afloat and stay sane when career and personal demands seem nearly impossible to wrangle. As Courtney Carver, conference speaker and author of the new book “Soulful Simplicity: How Living With Less Can Lead to So Much More,” said: “It’s brave to come to a conference about growing and doing more but think about potentially doing less.”
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Packed into standing-room-only discussions, women and men alike paid rapt attention and scribbled frantic notes as they tried to absorb the lessons on subjects from how to transform your working life by tweaking your daily routine to figuring out a new equation to build a life that works by doing what’s important to you.
Carver was among the most popular speakers of the day, delivering a message of slowing down that clearly struck a chord with the audience. She explained how her frantic and “must get it all done” lifestyle came to a screeching halt when she received a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. She began to rethink the way she had been living her life, which she described as being a “busy addict.” “I used to wake up, coffee up, rush my daughter out the door and get to work,” said Carver. “I complained about my busyness and got completely high from it at the same time.”
Carver told the crowd that she had initially started to rethink her addiction to being busy when she had a sudden aha moment while driving her daughter home from school: “I was barreling down the freeway with my phone to my ear, and she was telling me about her day,” Carver recalled. “This is hard for me to admit, but she was used to talking to me while I was doing other things.” As they pulled into the garage, the frenzied mom realized that she not only couldn’t remember anything her daughter had said to her during the commute home, but also couldn’t recall the drive at all. She knew then that something had to change.
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“I was so consumed with being busy that I risked our lives being as distracted as I was and missed a precious opportunity to connect with my child.” She added that she had started to think of her phone as a “body part” and that she “didn’t know how her priorities had gotten so screwed up.”
The next day, Carver implemented what she now refers to as her “busy boycott,” which began with banning her phone from her car so that she could give her full attention to the people she cared about. While at first nervous that her new approach would affect her work performance, she was relieved to discover that her clients and boss didn’t even notice. “My sales went up, and most important, my daughter came first, not just in my thoughts but in my actions too.”
As part of her busy boycott and desire for a more minimalist approach to her daily dealings, Carver said that she decided to eliminate as much stress as possible. Here are four ways she recommended that people in any industry can use to create a less complicated, cluttered and chaotic life:
— Establish a morning practice. Carver emphasized that the best way to begin to get closer to what matters to you is to start a meaningful morning routine. Hers began with just five minutes of yoga upon awakening, and then she used “habit stacking” to build on this, adding five minutes of writing the next week and a five-minute meditation the following week. “This gave me a 15-minute routine of things I loved and wanted to do more of,” she said.
— “Make under” your closet. By dressing with less, Carver noted that you can start to have more time, money and attention for what matters to you. She advocated a minimalist approach to fashion that she has dubbed Project 333 where she challenges people to dress with just 33 items or less for three months. To get started, she suggested that you “remove anything in your closet that makes you sad or mad.”
— Unclutter. This applies not just to your home and office but also to your digital devices and mind space. “Start with your home and get rid of stuff that doesn’t matter to you,” Carver suggested. “First hide it and if you don’t miss it or remember what you hid, let it go. You might put a box in front of your door and start dropping things in it. Let things go that are getting in the way of your life.”
— Start saying no. Carver referred to gracefully declining obligations and invitations as “the art of no-ing.” She referenced entrepreneur Derek Sivers’ method of saying no to anything that isn’t a clear “Hell Yeah!” “I will not say yes if my heart says no,” concluded Carver.
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While taking steps to close the gap between an overstretched lifestyle and a simplified one can seem overwhelming in itself, Carver encouraged the audience to do a little something daily toward the mission. “Most days, we’re overinspired by social feeds and inspirational quotes — we’re hyperinspired, so instead of choosing something, we just feel tired,” she said. “So start small and it doesn’t matter where you start. Just carve out time for yourself every day to think about what matters most to you.”
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