As I look back about on my childhood, I often reminisce about sharing meals around the kitchen table.
Sometimes the phone would ring and my mom would say, “Why do they always call at dinnertime?” Other times my dad would tell silly jokes that made us laugh so hard we could hardly chew. But every time we sat down for a family meal, we shared more than food. I learned about the behind-the-scenes professional challenges my parents faced as teachers, what was happening in our community, and how we could help meet the needs of others. I listened to my older sister talk about her friendships and what she’d learned in Spanish class. My family listened to me, as I talked about school and track practice.
Looking back, I realize I grew up with a privilege many don’t have today: the time to share a meal and connect with family.
These days, getting the family around the dinner table can be a huge undertaking. Many experts suggest all that’s needed to make this happen is a priority shift, but it’s just not that simple. In almost 20 years of nutrition practice I’ve had the honor of working with families who have opened my eyes to differences in food cultures, family units and work demands. Many families long for more time together but aren’t sure how to make a meal happen when there are so many moving parts.
[Read: 9 Lessons I’ve Learned About Feeding Kids.]
Given the varied challenges families encounter, I think it would help to approach this with a more flexible mindset. Here are some common misconceptions that keep us from sharing something as simple, and powerful, as a family meal, that we need to dispel:
Everyone must be present at the table.
Waiting on Mom or Dad to get home from work or brother Jon to finish baseball practice makes it difficult to get the whole family seated around the table. But there is no rule that says all family members have to be present every time. If Dad can only meet his self-care goal of lifting weights with a friend at dinnertime on Tuesday and Thursday evenings, the rest of the family can still have a meal together on those nights. When mom works nights, dinner as a family may seem impossible, yet perhaps a relative would be happy to have a meal with the kids. While on other occasions, maybe not only the whole family but friends as well could eat a meal together. The key is connecting with those who are present and enjoying the food that’s shared.
[Read: 8 Ways to Get Cooking With Your Kids.]
Dinner is the only time to have a family meal.
Many families can’t have dinner together because of their jobs — work they have to do to provide for their families. For some families with members working different shifts, breakfast may become the connecting meal that works for everyone. For others, Sunday lunch is a prime time to catch up on what’s happened throughout the week. Dinner is just a time of day. Sitting down with our loved ones, regardless of the time, is the meat of the meal.
The meal needs to be food television quality.
For many of my clients, making a beautiful meal feels like a requirement for the family table. Nothing could be further from the truth. Like in so many areas of our lives, if we wait for the perfect moment, it may never happen.
Family meals don’t require everything being just so –there are no lights or cameras. All that’s needed is some tasty food and to engage with your loved ones. The meal could be as simple as toaster waffles and some scrambled eggs. It could be a refrigerated pasta with rotisserie chicken and a ready-to-eat salad you picked up on the way home. While I wouldn’t discourage anyone from taking time to cook a meal, that’s not always possible — and it’s not a prerequisite to making those important connections with family around the table.
[See: 12 Questions You Should Ask Your Kids at Dinner.]
Just the other day I asked my daughter what she liked about having family meals. She said she liked that we all hang out together. We can learn so much from our kids. Her response was a great reminder that sitting down for a meal together isn’t only about the food. Taking time away from our busyness, worries and gadgets to enjoy each other’s company feeds our souls, too.
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3 Common Misconceptions About Family Meals originally appeared on usnews.com
