There are valid reasons for parents to be concerned about kids’ screen time. Smartphone use seems to hurt a child’s ability to maintain attention and bond with parents. When kids substitute device use for real-world interaction, they miss out on learning important language, problem-solving and social skills. One recent study shows a relationship between device use and depression and suicidal behaviors in teens.
Parents should be as concerned about their own screen time as well. Heavy use of smartphones is associated with symptoms of anxiety, depression and sleep problems. Frequent smartphone users are also more likely to fall ill, experience chronic pain and have eye problems. There’s also evidence of a relationship between parents’ smartphone use and kids’ bad behavior.
As a result of the risks, many experts and professional organizations routinely recommend that people limit screen time, and that advice is widely reflected in media coverage. But this advice falls short for a few reasons. First, it’s a well-established behavioral principle that telling people what not to do is largely ineffective. Instead, we must establish guidelines which tell people what to do. Second, the case made by some experts and in the media about the negative effects of social media is overstated. Despite evidence of relationships between screen time and negative outcomes, no one can say that screens are the cause of all of those things. Finally, the advice on limiting screen time ignores both the positive aspects of electronic devices and the practical reality that kids and parents have to do some things using computers, smartphones and other devices. We cannot expect people to follow unrealistic advice that does not allow them to do well at work or in school, or to otherwise engage socially in a virtually connected world.
[See: How Smartphones Sap Your Brainpower.]
Because electronic devices will remain an integral part of our lives, everyone in your family can benefit from a balanced, healthier approach to screen time. Here’s what you should try:
Assess what is realistic for the adults in the house.
Screens — including, but not limited to smartphones, tablets, personal computers and TVs — are a vital part of most Americans’ lives. They are our main communication and learning tools and are often how we entertain ourselves. While giving up screens for more than a day would be an interesting experiment, it’s unlikely that any adult could function for long without one.
Because kids will take their behavioral cues from you (and because kids won’t let you escape the consequences of violating your own rules) it’s important for you to set rules based on your own needs and desires. You must assess the expectations that other people — including bosses, clients, friends and family — have for you. You also need to realistically consider your willingness to stop watching TV, gaming and using social media.
It is worth experimenting with these limits for a week or two before trying to implement housewide rules. By the time you introduce these rules to your kids, you should be sure you’re willing to commit to them.
Most importantly, you must consider the vacuum created when you limit your screen time. Without something rewarding to fill that time, such as reading a book made of paper, taking a walk in the woods, playing a board game or actual poker with playing cards, or knitting, you and your children will quickly revert to heavy screen use.
[Read: 3 Ways You Can Teach Your Kids to Be More Mindful.]
Collaborate with children on activity (not just screen time) goals.
Once you have an idea of your limits, talk to your kids about their screen time. With younger kids, this will be simple, and setting limits will be rather straightforward. It’s unlikely for young kids to have unobstructed access to any screen, so you hold the keys to the kingdom. The discussion will be more complicated — and enlightening — with older kids who already have an established screen routine.
For older kids, parents must take into account — in the same way you carefully considered what the world wants from you — how screen time is important to their lives. Schools often require online work. Teachers and coaches may communicate important information via text and email. Kids use their smartphones to make plans with each other and to practice the skills they will use in real-world, face-to-face interactions. Talk to your kids — without sounding like you are interrogating them — about what they are doing on their phones or tablets and about what they’re doing when not attached to those screens. Craft reasonable goals for their screen time based on what you find out.
Once you understand your kids’ screen usage, talk to them about your plans in age-appropriate terms. Make sure they understand what you are doing is an experiment. Be sure to frame the experiment not as limiting screen time, but as being more careful about it and to highlight non-screen activities you’ll support or participate in as a family. Most importantly, talk to them about your screen and non-screen time and how you balance those.
Set clear expectations based on your ability and willingness to step away from screens and on your conversations with your kids. If you find the change is going to be drastic for either of you, try it piecemeal. Agree on a period for the experiment and give it a try.
Live according to those goals for a week or two and reassess.
Stick to the trial period you set. At the conclusion, talk with your kids. Make sure to give your kids’ experiences as much weight as you give your own and to be honest with them — as is age-appropriate — about what happened to you, focusing primarily on positive experiences.
People often find that the act of focusing attention on a behavior creates change. You may realize that responding to certain messages the next morning is as effective as responding immediately. Your kids may find that muting certain people on social media makes them happier or that turning off their phones and getting a good night’s sleep gives them more energy.
Any change in screen and non-screen behaviors will teach you all something about what you value and how you pursue those things.
Once the experiment is over, consider carefully what you have learned and set new goals, making sure to balance any screen time you’re cutting with novel activities that are equally valuable to you or your kids.
[See: 10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health.]
By finding a good balance between screen and non-screen time, we can model healthy behavior for our kids. In addition, understanding how our kids use electronic devices will bring us closer together and may teach us something important. These vital tools deserve a place in our kit, and our kids deserve the chance to learn to use them safely and effectively.
More from U.S. News
6 Ways to Help Kids Combat Materialism
7 Ways Technology Can Torpedo Your Health
9 Ways Watching TV Can Shorten or Ruin Your Life
How to Customize a Healthier Approach to Screen Use for Your Family originally appeared on usnews.com
