For Jennifer Coulombe, sticking to a budget is important. The New Yorker is in the midst of starting her own business — a line of socially conscious yoga clothes for kids — and she’s guarding her pocketbook carefully.
Sometimes, she says, pursuing her goals requires walking a thin line between being able to interact socially and generously with friends and not abandoning her spending plan. To be able to finance an occasional restaurant meal and split the tab evenly with her pals, she scales back in her day-to-day life, toting around snacks and meals in Tupperware containers and living cheaply in an affordable apartment.
For her, making those trade-offs is not a problem. “All of my friends respect where I’m at [with budgeting],” she says. “I’m a new entrepreneur, and I need to be tight with money.”
But striking that balance between being social and generous without breaking your budget can be tough. In a world where you’re expected to pick up bar tabs, split restaurant bills, buy everyone and their child a birthday present and donate to your friend’s fundraiser or crowdfunding scheme, it can be difficult to maintain a social life while staying true to your personal financial goals.
Money-conscious people are often forced to act like misers or bust their budgets to keep up with everyone else. That’s not fun — and it puts unnecessary pressure on your spending plan. Read on for a few strategies for acting generously, even when you’re broke.
[Read: Being the ‘Poor Friend’: How to Stick to Your Budget Without Being Shunned.]
Learn how to host. Maybe you can’t meet your friends for a decadent dinner at the hottest new restaurant. And next month’s birthday boy shouldn’t expect an expensive gift. But you can act generously with your time, cooking and cleaning skills by having everyone over to your home or apartment for a dinner, cocktail party or movie night.
That’s a low-cost social strategy Coulombe uses when hanging out with certain friends. “To have someone over and cook for them is actually fun,” she says.
Experts support Coulombe’s approach. “If you can’t afford to buy a round of drinks or pick up the tab at dinner with friends, don’t fret. And don’t feel ashamed,” says April Masini, etiquette and relationship expert and author, in an email. She recommends hosting a cocktail party where you buy a case of wine, some cheese and crackers and repay your friends for all the times they’ve treated you.
Better yet, hosting dinner doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive — making a family-style pasta dish or grilling hamburgers and hot dogs on the patio will do. And friends will appreciate the planning, preparation and hosting effort you’ve put into welcoming them into your home, even if you didn’t spend a small fortune.
If you don’t have the space to host — perhaps you’ve moved back into your parents’ house — then be generous in other nonfinancial ways, such as offering to babysit for your friends, Masini says. Consider recognizing birthdays and other special occasions with a homemade, hand-written card in which you’ve filled every available space with a thoughtful message, says Thomas P. Farley, an etiquette expert known as Mister Manners and keynote speaker at What Manners Most, a communications and coaching company in New York City.
[See: 10 Big Ways to Boost Your Budget — Without Skimping on Your Daily Latte.]
Prioritize your donations. For many people, donating money is an important avenue for generosity. When you’re on a budget, however, it’s difficult to give as much in charitable contributions as you’d like.
That was a challenge for Alexis Busetti and her husband while they were figuring out how to repay their more than $70,000 in debt while aiming to budget for charitable contributions to the religious organizations they support as evangelical Christians. They cut back on nonessentials, such as entertainment expenses, in order to continue paying tithe to their church and an extra $80 per month to a ministry, says Busetti, owner and financial coach at Cistern & Grove Financial Coaching in Houston, in an email.
Today, their financial situation has improved — they paid off that $70,000 in loans — and they’ve managed to continue their charitable giving.
Opt out or redirect. If you are horrified by the idea of looking cheap among your friends, try to opt out of situations where you’ll feel pressured to overspend.
A wedding is a classic event in which financial generosity is expected — even demanded — and can put a broke friend or family member in a tough situation. Don’t be afraid to turn down a wedding invitation or a request to be in a bridal party if your budget can’t handle it, Farley says.
“It’s far better to just have a heart-to-heart with the individual who’s asking you to be in the bridal party,” Farley says. “Try saying, ‘I am absolutely thrilled for you and so honored that you’ve asked me to be a part of your day, but I don’t want to commit to something that I don’t think my bank book will support.'”
You might be able to attend as a regular guest instead of a bridesmaid or groomsman, or send a generous financial gift instead of attending a pricey destination wedding. If you’re asked to go to an event or on an outing that your budget won’t support, just opt out or suggest a cheaper alternative.
[See: 8 Big Budgeting Blunders — and How to Fix Them.]
Take stock of your friendships. Good friends will be understanding when you can’t meet their level of generosity. They should comprehend that your scaling back isn’t because you don’t value their friendship or because you’re leeching off them. Carefully evaluate relationships in which you’re solely judged on your ability to financially contribute. If your budget is important to you, devaluing friendships in which you aren’t allowed to reasonably control your spending might be a good idea, experts say.
Coulombe says that her friends support her budget-conscious lifestyle and aim to accommodate it whenever possible. “Look, if they are a good friend of yours, they are going to support you and understand your situation,” she says.
More from U.S. News
7 Signs Your Romantic Partner Is Financially Unstable
12 Shopping Tricks to Keep You Under Budget
10 Ideas for Dating on a Budget
How to Act Generously When You’re Broke originally appeared on usnews.com
