Boys need our help. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, boys are 30 percent more likely to flunk out or drop out of school than girls. They’re less likely to attend or graduate from college, and far more likely than girls to die by suicide. The suicide rate for boys ages 15 to 24 is about 18 per 100,000, according to the National Institute of Mental Health; that compares with about 5 per 100,000 for girls.
In a world where most positions of power are still held by men, and at a time when sexual harassment and pay inequality are making national headlines, it can be difficult to focus on boys. But today’s boys are tomorrow’s men. They may grow to perpetuate the problems of sexism and misogyny, or they may contribute to creative solutions. It’s in our collective best interest to nourish and nurture boys’ social, emotional and physical development.
Here are eight ways to nurture boys:
1. Say no.
The ability to accept and handle rejection is intrinsic to mental health and well-being. Hearing “no” now and again also helps children develop resiliency and creativity.
[Read: Building Up Boys.]
2. Say yes.
Boys are hard-wired to take risks. Our risk-adverse society and our desire to keep our boys safe make it hard for us to accommodate their natural inclination to test their capabilities. So, say yes. Think of one thing you’ve consistently pooh-poohed or denied. (Using power tools? Jumping their bike off a ramp? Walking to school independently?) Find a way to say yes, and watch your boys’ confidence soar.
3. Model responsible use of technology.
Nearly every parent and teacher of boys complains about boys’ use of tech. They worry about the hours boys spend playing video games, and wonder what kind of trouble they’re getting into online. ( Porn? Sexting? Cyberbullying?)
Help your boys establish healthy digital habits by modeling responsible use of technology. Put down your phone at mealtimes, and insist your children do the same. Keep your phone and tablet out of bed, and explain to your kids why you’ve decided to keep your bedroom a tech-free zone — and ensure your kids’ bedrooms are tech-free zones as well. Verify facts and stories you share online, and only engage in respectful digital discussions. Kids learn by example, so do as you want them to do.
4. Talk about healthy relationships.
Sex education still focuses primarily on the mechanics of sexual interaction. That’s important stuff, but kids also need to know how to interact in a safe, respectful manner. Loveisrespect.org has some great information online in their “Relationships 101” section that applies to romantic relationships as well as friendships, and work and family relationships.
[See: 10 Ways to Broach the Subject of Sex With Your Teen.]
For at least a week, comment only on what your son does right; suppress all your negative comments, and skip the nagging. You’ll likely be happier; research has shown that choosing to focus on the positive can improve well-being. Plus, humans are programmed to repeat behaviors that bring positive rewards. So recognizing boys’ efforts may lead to an increase in desired behavior.
6. Indulge their interests.
When you support and encourage a child’s interests, you support his curiosity and developing sense of self. Your actions let the child know that you trust him, and your trust allows him to trust himself. I’m not really interested in snowmobiles, four-wheelers, fishing and farming, but my boys are, so I drive them to fishing holes, visit power sports dealers and let them dismantle engines in my basement. My youngest son especially loves farming because of the machines and tractors that are involved.
7. Let them be.
Boys face so much pressure to act and behave in certain ways. The so-called “man box,” a set of beliefs that describe how “real men” behave, has limited and shaped boys’ behavior for decades, if not centuries. Loosen the bonds. Let your boys follow their inner light instead of external expectations — even if that means saying yes to eye makeup. Boys who are interested in stereotypically male pursuits should be encouraged also. Strive to honor each boy’s individuality.
[See: 10 Ways to Raise a Giving Child.]
8. Encourage activity.
Boys (and girls) learn better when moving. Unfortunately, most schools don’t allow a lot of time for free movement. You can help the boys in your life by providing ample opportunity for physical play. Make your home a haven for activity, and learn to tolerate some noise and chaos. Your boys will thank you.
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8 Ways to Nurture Boys originally appeared on usnews.com
