When I was a child — and granted that was quite a while ago — kids and adults used to talk to each other. And, yes, holiday gatherings were an especially wonderful time for children and adults to spend together and more importantly to engage in conversation.
But sadly these days face-to-face conversation seems to be a lost art, especially since digital communication and electronic gadgets have become so omnipresent and popular. At any gathering now you’re sure to see people with their phones out, staring at screens; and it’s not just the children and the teens checking their text messages and social media, but adults as well.
[Read: 6 Tips for Talking to Your Teen About Anything at All.]
My goal is to help adults teach their kids how to engage in conversation with relatives. While this should be a priority throughout the year, the holidays in particular present many opportunities for connection.
Please keep in mind that as the adult, you are your child’s most important role model. Precisely because you are in such a powerful role, it’s important to remember to put your phone or laptop away as you demonstrate the lost art of conversation. Here are some ways you can bring this art back for your children, so they can better connect with their relatives:
1. Put electronic devices away. Explain to your children and especially your teens that during holiday gatherings electronic devices should be tucked away, so they can be polite and have enjoyable interactions ( making eye contact, rather than showing relatives the tops of their heads).Your kids will experience new and more nuanced interactions while they look at others and pay attention to the tone of their voices, and not their personal devices.
2. Seat adults and kids at the same table. Frequently at holiday gatherings, adults and children are seated at different tables. I have never been a fan of this. (Even as a child, I didn’t enjoy being relegated to the kids’ table.) I strongly suggest individuals of varying ages be seated next to each other. This proximity creates opportunities for all sorts of new relationships to develop.
[See: 12 Questions You Should Ask Your Kids at Dinner.]
3. Suggest some conversation starters. Prior to going to holiday gatherings, consider prepping your kids by mentioning potential topics that they might enjoy talking about with adults. Your kids might not understand that they can discuss all sorts of topics with relatives of different ages. They may have the misconception that adults and kids have totally different interests. Make sure they understand that there are many overlapping topics that can be discussed across the generations. This will help them develop confidence and conversational skills.
4. Consider breaking out the board games. Invite everyone to play. Board games serve as terrific ice breakers. Moods generally lighten (except for the very competitive), people laugh and conversation flows.
5. Model talking to other adults about what life was like when they were growing up. It is my experience that kids love hearing stories about lives over time. The hope is that young children and teens will become intrigued, ask questions and perhaps even begin to share some of their own experiences. I have seen this happen repeatedly and everyone appears to benefit from sharing both old and new experiences.
6. Keep the conversation going. After the holidays, it will be important for your children to continue the dialogue with their relatives. Encourage them to pick up the phone and call, not text, relatives who they broke the ice with during the holidays. Perhaps they can begin by calling on special occasions like birthdays and then move on to calling for no particular reason other than to say hello. Explain that contact is so very much appreciated by most (other than a possible Scrooge in your family). Make your children aware that a simple conversation can make someone’s day. This is a wonderful life lesson to impart to the younger generation. Don’t you agree?
[See: 10 Ways to Raise a Giving Child.]
7. Praise your children’s efforts. Encourage kids as they hone the ability to make conversation with relatives of all ages. Your kids will love your praise. Just don’t expect them to tell you that. Teens especially would be appalled if they knew that you knew how much they appreciated your praise. Trust me though, your praise will go a long way. After your kids have become more comfortable speaking to their older relatives, perhaps the next step will be to encourage them to talk to younger cousins.
Good luck, and happy holidays!
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7 Ways to Teach Kids How to Engage With Relatives originally appeared on usnews.com
