When Lee Roosevelt goes to a baby shower, “it opens the Pandora’s box of negative birth experiences,” says the midwife and clinical assistant professor in the University of Michigan School of Nursing. It’s not unusual for a guest to say something like, “When my cousin’s cousin first removed had her baby, the head came out and then the baby died,” Roosevelt says. “Showers are the worst.”
Social media isn’t any better, finds Dr. Shannon Clark, an OB-GYN and maternal-fetal medicine specialist at the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston. “Social media has allowed people to one-up each other on their birth horror stories,” she says. “You hardly ever hear, ‘I went in and I had a good labor and I delivered my baby,’ because that’s not catchy.”
Birth horror stories may also seem more prevalent as women’s definition of “horrific” expands. Today, women can be made as fearful of medical interventions or deviating from their birth plans as older generations were of medical emergencies during birth, finds Susan Awad, 33, a health policy analyst in Silver Spring, Maryland, who read books during her first pregnancy that warned of the dangers of epidurals. “I psyched myself out that [if] I got an epidural, something crazy would happen,” she says.
More than unwelcome, fear-provoking childbirth stories can, in a way, be self-fulfilling prophecies. Research shows, for example, that women who have high levels of fear around childbirth report having worse birth experiences and higher levels of pain than women with either flexible or empowered attitudes toward birth. It makes sense, given that the physical state of being scared sets off the body’s fight-or-flight hormonal responses, which can enhance pain, and block the release of feel-good hormones like oxytocin, which can both dull the perception of pain and stimulate contractions. Fear and anxiety “can definitely amplify the pain,” Clark says.
[See: 10 Ways to Make Your Childbirth Easier.]
Of course, some anxiety around childbirth is normal and even justified. Maternal mortality in the U.S. has been rising (there were about 26 deaths per 100,000 births in 2015, up from 17.5 per 100,000 births in 2000) while it declines in other developed countries, and unnecessary medical interventions during childbirth are linked to further complications for mother and baby. Women can also sustain injuries like tears or fractures during birth and deal with problems like back pain, incontinence and depression afterward. “Birth is the ultimate parenting lesson in that it’s so unpredictable,” Roosevelt says.
The good news, though, is that plenty of positive or just plain fine birth stories exist, whether or not they’re heard. “Not everything is a beautiful water birth at home, and not everything is a bad horror story in the hospital,” says Clark, who gave birth to twins at age 41 after struggling with infertility. “Every woman is different, every birth experience is different.”
Here, five women share their better birth stories:
Carrie Haverty, 42, prenatal genetic counselor in San Francisco
“My water broke one night two days before my due date. There was heavy meconium [infant stool] in the fluid, and so I went to the hospital. Fortunately, contractions began on their own. About two hours later, I was dilated and in transition. That was a pretty painful 20 minutes, but I didn’t want to die or give up and figured the fastest way was [to push] through. It was only about three contractions of pushing and then my daughter’s head was out. After that, she was out. And she was perfect, and I was fine.”
Rosemary Plorin, 50, owner of healthcare public relations firm in Nashville
“I was high risk because I was 39 with a first pregnancy and an artificial hip. Most people sort of assumed I was going to have a C-section, and I was not psyched about that for a whole host of reasons. But we were going to do whatever we had to do to have successful birth.
“My water broke at 4:30 in the morning on Christmas Eve, so my O.B. was out of the country.” A doctor Plorin had never met came to assist. “Here I am, meeting this guy, saying ‘I’m old and I have an artificial hip,” Plorin says. Fortunately, he was head of the department and made Plorin feel comfortable, too. “I went in at 5:30 a.m., had an epidural by 8 or 9 in the morning. I pushed twice. It was intense.”
“The nice thing — she was born two and a half weeks early — was smaller babies are easier. The anxiety I had of ‘what exactly is childbirth going to do to my hip?’ Nothing. I had a perfectly normal, easy birth. An hour and half later, I was a eating tuna fish sandwich and going to the bathroom.”
Alaina Stoner, 24, stay-at-home mom in Lancaster, California
“My second son was born on his due date in my bathtub, with only my husband attending. We had planned to go to my midwife’s freestanding birth center, where I had birthed my first son, but this baby had other plans. My labor progressed unusually quickly in the last stage and I barely had time to get into my tub before I needed to push. My husband got our groggy 3-year-old settled on the couch and then tried to remember his EMT training so that he could assist me with the birth. He was born partially en caul, with the amniotic sac remaining intact until his shoulders emerged. There is nothing like the joy and thrill of delivering your own baby, with no interruptions.
“My mother and my midwife both arrived not long after, and I got to spend the rest of the day relaxing in my own bed with my new baby. Because of how much I loved this experience, I am planning home births for my future children. But hopefully with a midwife next time.”
Maria Burton, 33, business developer at a tech company in the District of Columbia
“Over the course of nine months, I told myself, ‘It’s a good pain, it’s productive,'” recalls Burton, who drew on her athletic background to mentally prepare for the delivery. “I did it so that when my water broke and when my labor started, I had all of that in my head.
[See: Mantras That Get 11 Diet and Fitness Pros Through Their Toughest Moments.]
“I went through a full labor and transition and could have been pushing, but because I had been so psyching myself up [I thought it was just the beginning]. They’re like, ‘You need to push.’ My water broke [in the] middle of the night at 2:30 a.m. and I gave birth at 12:30 p.m. the next day. I took a shower an hour after I gave birth. I was up and walking. I was really happy it was over.
“There’s fear, hope, excitement, boredom, pain, but it happens all in these waves. Because when you’re not having contractions, [everything is] fine. It’s an interesting emotional experience — it’s the whole gamut of human emotions.”
May Lane Hart, 40, health care human resource manager in Coronado, California
“At about 1 a.m., I wake up [in the hospital] hurting. Nurse Andi gives me Tylenol and goes away. A couple hours go by — I’m still trying to keep quiet — but it’s getting uncomfortable. I think, ‘Man, if dilating hurts this much, what is labor going to be like tomorrow?’ Around 4 a.m. Andi checks my cervix, and I had dilated all the way to 8 centimeters! I had been in labor, for God’s sake, and I had no idea.
“I get the epidural and it was immediate sweet relief. The on-call doc came in around 6 a.m. when it was time to push. My own doc got there around 7 and started yelling, ‘Get mad!’ to get me riled up to push harder and get this over with. And that baby arrived at 7:29 am.
[See: What’s the Healthiest Month to Be Born In?]
“The moment you know the baby is out is indescribable. Like you ran a marathon, climbed a mountain and cured cancer all at the same time. It’s the most badass feeling in the world. I did it!”
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The Childbirth Stories You Haven’t Heard originally appeared on usnews.com
