Your children may have started sleeping over at their friends’ homes during the middle school years or perhaps when they were even younger.
Maybe their first sleepover was at a relative’s house or related to a school trip. When kids are younger, sleepovers are mostly about bonding and growing up. Parents are usually in touch with the parents of their younger kids’ friends and can easily check in and find out about the plans for the evening.
Fast forward to the teen years, and sleepovers aren’t so straightforward. When your kids get older and more independent, you’re probably not as connected to their friends’ parents, so plans for the evening are likely less clear.
[Read: 6 Tips for Talking to Your Teen About Anything at All.]
Yes, I do feel that there is some merit to the sleepover in adolescence. Teens need to learn to function as members of a group not only at school and at extracurricular activities but also at the homes of others. It’s also important for them to develop the ability to function well away from home. After all, many of them will be away at college or living on their own in just a few years.
However, I have some concerns about the teen sleepover, and I feel that you should be aware of what goes on at sleepovers away from your home. It’s also my hope that when your teen’s friends are sleeping over at your house you will be mindful of these concerns.
Here are some things to keep in mind:
A sleepover is likely to disrupt more than teen’s sleep schedule. In many cases, when you get a group of teens together who are spending the night, they stay up very late. This, of course, leads to sleep deprivation, and that can lead to tired, reckless and distracted driving. Sadly, I have heard of tragic car accidents following sleepovers. While this is probably the worst-case scenario, sleep deprivation is never associated with anything positive. The day following a sleepover is often characterized by irritabilty and difficulty concentrating. I suggest that you limit consecutive sleepovers because of this issue. I’m sure you’re already painfully aware of how sleep deprivation affects your teen’s behavior and mood.
[See: 10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health.]
They might be up to something else entirely. Teens sometimes sleep over at friends’ homes simply to have fun and spend time together. At other times, however, they’re sleeping away from home so that they can go to parties that you wouldn’t allow them to attend. They may also be sleeping elsewhere to avoid getting caught drinking. After all, if they’re not coming home after spending the evening drinking, then you won’t be able to smell alcohol on their breath or take note of their behavior. I certainly hope that this isn’t what’s happening, but I know teens and how they attempt to avoid supervision from parents.
Your teen might act like a different kid. Sometimes teens will behave differently in groups than they will when they’re alone or even with one or two friends. When you put a group of teens together at a sleepover, that can increase the risk they will engage in reckless behavior. This includes misusing social media and posting photos and comments that they would not post in the light of day when they’re not influenced by group dynamics. Talk to your teens about your expectations for appropriate use of social media at all times. I suggest randomly looking at your teen’s use of social media as well, so that you’re aware of what’s going on in his or her virtual life. Also, keep in mind that teens may be using the sleepover as a way of spending time with a romantic partner. Pay attention to this, as I hear about this scenario frequently.
[See: 4 Opioid Drugs Parents Should Have on Their Radar.]
I’m not suggesting banning your teens from sleepovers, but instead that you keep an eye on things. Get to know their friends before you allow them to spend long days and nights at their homes. Try your best to become acquainted with their friends’ parents. Let your teens know that they have the right to leave sleepovers if they begin to feel uncomfortable. I am always a fan of parents letting their kids of all ages know that they will pick them up from uncomfortable situations at any time of day and night.
OK, I have warned you about the risks associated with teen sleepovers. Be aware. Here’s to safer nights!
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The Pros and Cons of Teen Sleepovers originally appeared on usnews.com
