If you’re frustrated about your attention deficit hyperactivity disorder diagnosis — whether newly-diagnosed or not — or you’re often on the receiving end of critical commentary about the disorder that leads to negative ADHD self-talk, experts say you might want to bring more humor into your life. This isn’t to say that you should engage in earthshaking belly laughs with every mention of “ADHD,” but rather that even subtle, lighthearted comments and thoughts about your symptoms may be a helpful coping mechanism.
Why laugh a little more?
[See: 8 Things You Didn’t Know About Counseling.]
Peter Jaksa, a licensed clinical psychologist with over 25 years of experience working with children, adolescents and adults with ADHD, says that usually people with ADHD grew up facing a barrage of punishments and comparisons. Over time, he says some people “build up negative scripts that they are lazy or a space cadet, which becomes a part of negative self-talk.” No wonder, he says, that this way of thinking might be a contributing factor as to why adults with ADHD may develop coexisting depression.
“Adults with ADHD are often carrying around this shame,” says Sandy Maynard, ADHD coach and the owner of Catalytic Coaching in the Boston area. “Having a sense of humor can alleviate part of that shame — it can be a relief in terms of eliminating the guilt of making a mistake,” she says, noting that it’s important to follow through with ways to prevent mistakes from always recurring.
One way to cope? These experts suggest turning those frowns upside down a little more often.
“Humor helps keep things in perspective,” says Jaksa, who is the president and clinical director of the ADHD Center in Chicago. “People with ADHD tend to be more sensitive to criticism and frustration and may be more likely to overreact when things go bad, often taking it to heart. But humor can be a shield against negativity.”
Humor as a Way to Keep Problems in Perspective
He explains that whether it’s a forgotten birthday or being late for lunch again, it’s important to be “emotionally resilient” and adopt the thought that “this is a part of my biology,” rather than thinking of the disorder as an excuse. As to the type of humor, he says there isn’t one cut-and-dry style; it’s all about what best suits each person. Some enjoy silly humor, while other people may prefer dry humor. Above all else, he says, is that it’s always best to “focus on solutions rather than problems.” He says that it’s essential “not to take ourselves so seriously” and to realize that sometimes bad things in life happen — to everybody, not just people with ADHD. “Acknowledge a problem and deal with it,” he says. “We all need to keep problems in perspective.”
[See: Hoarding, ADHD, Narcissism: Inside the Minds of History’s Great Personalities.]
Keeping problems in perspective — and with a sense of humor — is what entrepreneur Peter Shankman outlines in his forthcoming book, “Faster Than Normal: Turbocharge Your Focus, Productivity, and Success with the Secrets of the ADHD Brain.” He employs a lighthearted approach about ADHD from the get-go in the table of contents. The first chapter, for example, is “An Introduction to the World of Attention Deficit… Ooh! Shiny!” and another chapter that sums up the tips in his book ends with the question, “Wait… What Were We Talking About Again?” While he shares how he’s successfully managed his ADHD, he also often uses an upbeat approach to acknowledge the situations people with ADHD sometimes find themselves in.
Maynard, who has ADHD herself, is presenting on the topic of impulsivity at the national conference for Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in November.
She recalls how she has accidentally dropped her small pocketbook in the mailbox along with the mail on a couple of occasions. Rather than beat herself up over it, she laughed it off — and ultimately purchased a larger handbag to prevent a repeat occurrence. She says that several of the adults she works with who have been diagnosed with ADHD carry a lot of shame and self-blame when things fall through the cracks, but not being so hard on oneself — while working to put systems and strategies in place that help manage ADHD — can be helpful.
Couples, too, can work around any frustrations by approaching topics with humor. “Was this one of your ADHD moments?” is something Maynard says a partner may gently joke about, adding that open conversations to resolve situations are also key. Working together to develop solutions such as switching who pays the bills or choosing to set up autopayment while “couples celebrate differences and have a sense of humor” about any challenges can help, she explains.
Humor on the Internet and in Support Groups
Humor can also include perusing sites that may look at ADHD in a lighthearted manner, such as ADHD humor Pinterest boards or places that combine humor and education about the disorder like TotallyADHD.com. Maynard says that the internet can be a beneficial way to lighten things up, allowing people to share jokes as well as insight about ADHD together.
Attending local ADHD support groups can also be helpful. Maynard says these groups let like-minded people gather and discuss topics in an environment where laughter is often used and embraced. A coaching group may also help, she says, adding that it allows people to share friendly suggestions to manage goals and better cope with ADHD. “Being able to laugh together at the crazy things we sometimes do can be very helpful,” Maynard says. “It’s all right to joke about mistakes — it’s not the end of the world.”
[See: 10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health.]
When Humor Becomes Problematic
Humor can have a downside, though.
“When everything becomes a joke and people keep making excuses, that’s never a good thing,” Jaksa says. “Humor should never be used to side step responsibility.” He explains that when humor is used to excuse ADHD or to not accept the responsibility of managing it, problems are not addressed and solutions are not pursued and developed.
As for someone who does not have ADHD who jokes about another person’s ADHD symptoms, Jaksa says that if it’s good-humored and filled with good intentions, it’s appropriate to extend words along the lines of “Thanks, I’m glad you get it.” But he explains that if it’s sarcastic or belittling humor, it’s imperative to make it known that feelings were hurt and to realize that the comment was likely coming from a place of ignorance. “Try to walk a mile in my shoes” or “I wish you wouldn’t say that” are responses he suggests.
More from U.S. News
Hoarding, ADHD, Narcissism: Inside the Minds of History’s Great Personalities
10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health
8 Things You Didn’t Know About Counseling
Using Humor to Cope With Your ADHD Diagnosis originally appeared on usnews.com
