Children are born kind. It’s inherent in their nature. As they develop, though, this can change, especially by the time they are in middle school.
It’s unclear exactly what causes the shift. We do know that children emulate the behaviors of the important people in their lives, and none are more important than their parents. Over time, kids are also influenced by many other people, including teachers, peers, celebrities and politicians. Kids watch how these people behave, sometimes in negative ways, and may begin to feel that it’s justified to act similarly.
According to a study done by the Children’s Television Workshop, the same people who bring us “Sesame Street,” parents feel kindness is more important than academic success. However, according to research from Making Caring Common, a project of the Harvard Graduate School of Education, students believe that parents are significantly more concerned about academic achievement. Somewhere along the way, the kindness message is being lost.
[See: 10 Ways to Raise a Giving Child.]
Researcher Sonja Lyubormirsky found that kindness is a path to happiness. Performing acts of kindness boosts our mood, makes us feel more connected and helps us feel positively about ourselves and others. Despite this, we are living in a culture where being disrespectful seems to be more welcomed than being kind.
There are lots of ways to teach kindness. It just has to become a priority for you and your child. Here are some suggestions:
Lead by example. Children observe, listen and follow. As parents, you have the most influence of anyone in your child’s life, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Take the time to look at ways in which you are kind (and ways you’re unkind). Be aware of the need to be kind and act accordingly. Your children will follow suit.
[Read: Modeling Civility at Home.]
Teach empathy. Talk about why people do what they do. Teach your children to think about things from another person’s point of view, which may help them understand why someone acts the way they do. Understanding someone’s motives can help increase one’s empathy toward that person. In a conflict, it’s important to review what your child’s role is and to talk about how they might want to handle things differently.
Make a kindness bucket. Use ideas from the children’s book “Have Your Filled a Bucket Today?: A Guide to Daily Happiness for Kids” by Carol McCloud. Filling another’s bucket can be as simple as offering praise, expressing appreciation or writing a note of thanks. Taking time each day to reflect on how your bucket is filled and how you fill someone else’s bucket can promote more positive behaviors.
[See: 10 Good Deeds and Why You Should Do Them.]
We have to teach our children that kindness matters. It’s important to create a culture where being kind is a priority. It’s time to fight back against the negativity to help our children create a world based on positive interactions rather than hostility.
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Teaching Kids to Be Kind originally appeared on usnews.com
