Now that your young child has been diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, you might be wondering about how to inform him or her about the diagnosis. What level of detail should you convey? Should you even say anything at all and wait for behaviors to improve once parenting techniques, medications and other treatments have been in place for a while?
Ben Fields, a clinical child and adolescent psychologist at Nationwide Children’s Hospital in Ohio, says refraining from informing your son or daughter about their ADHD diagnosis can be damaging. “Not telling them passively suggests that it’s something to be ashamed of or that it’s scary,” he says. “You also don’t want them to find out from someone else like a teacher because they’ll wonder why you didn’t tell them first.” He explains that parents should even use the term ” attention deficit hyperactivity disorder” the first time the topic is introduced; thereafter, he suggests saying “ADHD.” Talking about it and using the acronym helps normalize everything, taking any perceived shame out of the equation, Fields says.
[See: 10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health.]
Fields isn’t alone with such thoughts.
Open, Age-Appropriate Communication Is Key
“I would always tell my child,” says Janette Patterson, a marriage and family therapist in Silver Spring, Maryland. She says that open communication should begin even before a diagnosis is made; rather than taking a child to a psychologist without an explanation, Patterson says it’s important to tell your child where he or she is going and why. “Find ways to talk with your child on their level while being reassuring,” she explains. For example, when seeing a psychologist, she says to consider saying, “We’re going to see a person who will play with you and ask some questions. You don’t need to worry. We’re just wondering how you are doing.”
If there is an ADHD diagnosis, she says discussions still need to continue on an age-appropriate level. She does not recommend talking in terms that will likely go over a child’s head such as mentioning executive functioning skills or that he or she is a combined ADHD type, exhibiting both inattentive and hyperactive traits. Instead, younger children are often very egocentric, she says, and better relate to conversations that address how they are personally involved and impacted.
Work Together, Convey Realistic Expectations
Consider giving concrete examples, Patterson suggests. Perhaps outline a specific scenario such as when the child is getting dressed in the morning. Explain how he or she puts on a shirt, and then runs off to play with toys instead of putting an entire outfit on without becoming distracted by nearby Legos, for example. After explaining the behavior, she recommends telling children that constant reminders about putting on clothes and not stopping to play with toys have been provided, yet the distraction still occurs. Next, ask children if they have a recollection of this. She suggests asking, “Do you know what I mean?” so children can acknowledge the situation. At that point, Patterson suggests to say something like: “Some children don’t have this struggle and that’s OK, but this happens a lot with you, so that means we’re going to work together to make this better.”
Most importantly, Patterson says that children should know that their diagnosis isn’t about being right or wrong, but that it’s about recognizing a situation. “Talk to them about behaviors that are unfolding on their terms, using vocabulary a child can access,” she says. At the same time, Patterson recommends not making promises that may not be fulfilled. “Don’t say things like ‘You’ll ace it,’ ‘I bet you’ll get into Harvard’ and ‘You’re perfect,'” she says. Instead, express that the challenges being experienced will be sorted out together as a team. “Tell them that you’re in this together.”
Normalize ADHD
Even when treatment begins, Fields says to keep the lines of communication going strong. “We’re going to see the doctor today to talk about some medicine that may be helpful with this” or “we’re going to talk to a therapist about a plan to help this go better,” is phrasing he suggests. Telling the child that support is in place is also beneficial, he says. Let your son or daughter know that in addition to you, that doctors, teachers and other professionals are all working together. “If you don’t help them understand, a lot of kids may think the challenges they’re having are because they’re a bad kid,” he says, which can spiral into self-blame and diminished self-esteem. Fields says that another way of helping children understand is discussing their disorder in terms of friends’ issues, normalizing the fact that “everyone’s got their own challenges.” In this case, it can be helpful to remind them of the friend with diabetes who has to prick his or her finger or the kid in school who has to use an asthma inhaler. Your ADHD child will come to understand and embrace that just like their friends, they too have something chronic that they must manage. “Making this clear is an appropriate way to frame ADHD,” Fields says.
[See: 8 Things You Didn’t Know About Counseling.]
Homework Tips, How Physical Activity Can Help
At Nurturing Wisdom, a one-on-one home tutoring company based in the Chicago and San Francisco metro areas that customizes strategies for each student’s needs, chief culture officer Erin Doyle and chief learning officer Alyssa Coburn — also co-owners along with president Jeanne Rerucha — emphasize the importance of remaining patient and positive. “Be patient, careful not to judge or make assumptions, celebrate victories and be positive,” Doyle says. Part of this process includes involving children every step of the way and asking them what questions they have — yet being OK not having all the answers, she explains. “That’s a great question,” is one way she says a parent can acknowledge not knowing something while letting the child know that their question was heard and will be looked into.
In terms of specific ways to interact with your ADHD child, Coburn recommends working through homework strategies together as one method. For example, she suggests starting with a subject the child enjoys the most. Thereafter, she recommends perhaps saying, “Now we know you don’t like literature, so we’ll do that next to get that out of the way.” Finding ways to balance the order that certain homework tasks are done can help the child see them through to completion. Be sure to build in breaks though, she says, and to find “creative ways to make learning more effective while also having fun.”
Incorporating physical activities while studying, such as quizzing a child on a subject while tossing a ball back and forth, may boost interest along with success. Doyle says that such kinesthetic learning is advantageous, explaining that physical movement helps build the brain’s neuropathways.
[See: 10 of the Biggest Health Threats Facing Your Kids This School Year.]
Focus on Small Victories and Strengths
While both Doyle and Coburn agree that communication, positivity and physical activity are helpful, they make it clear that parental involvement should refrain from overprotective behaviors. The goal should be working together to build objectives and meet goals, Doyle says, adding: “This isn’t about coddling them, but about finding another way to get there.” She notes that it can take time to master skills, which may entail trying something for several weeks, only to discover that it’s not a good fit. It’s a matter of working to find the ideal solution and understanding that it won’t happen overnight, she says. Still, she says to always be mindful of the “small victories and be genuine in praise.”
Social psychologist and author of “Little Things Long Remembered: Making Your Children Feel Special Every Day,” Susan Newman, agrees that positive words are encouraging for all children. “Focus on and emphasize your child’s strengths and the things you love about him,” she says.
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How to Talk to Your Young Child About His or Her ADHD Diagnosis originally appeared on usnews.com
