The start of school is a challenging time for all parents.
Often, however, with fewer resources and limited emotional support, single moms stress out needlessly and unproductively.This emotional energy is better spent focusing on ways to help your kids succeed in school.
Keep in mind that kids raised in single mom families are not more likely to have problems in school. Growing up in a two-parent home is no guarantee of school success.
As classes resume, here are some tips to help you launch your kids’ successful school year:
Get off to a good start. Every time you register your kids at a new school, you’ll be handed a mountain of forms to fill out or directed to complete these forms online. School personnel don’t review this information with the intention of passing judgment on your family’s circumstances. Honestly, school officials are typically overwhelmed with responsibilities and have no interest in prying into your private life. These forms are simply a procedure — not a test. You just need to decide exactly how you want to respond to these standard requests for information.
Copies of court orders specifying custody as well as parenting time arrangements may also be requested. Be ready to designate emergency contacts in case the school is unable to reach you. If appropriate, designate the ” other parent” as your preferred emergency contact.
[See: 13 Tips for Getting Kids Health-Ready for Back to School.]
Face your feelings. Reporting a change of address made necessary by rocky finances may make you weepy. You may feel shaken or even a bit confused by no longer writing “Mr.” and “Mrs.” on every form. Seeing the word “father” may remind you of your loss or simply convince you that you’re the only single mom on earth. You’re entitled to your feelings. Acting defensive or hostile, however, when these routine questions are posed will not get your kids off to the best start.
Stay organized. Tackle that school supply list. If your finances are especially tight, reach out to community or other resources for help. Make sure that your kids eat a healthy breakfast and lunch. If you qualify for the subsidized school lunch program, access those resources. Follow a regular bedtime routine so your kids get sufficient sleep. Tired kids struggle unsuccessfully to learn on pace with their classmates. Develop a system for keeping track of field trips, book fairs and other special events. Nothing fancy is required. A calendar taped to the refrigerator door works nicely.
Let your kids know you value education. Research indicates that a parent’s encouragement is more critical to a kid’s eventual success than family income or background. Show your kids learning is important by reading together, accessing educational information online and overseeing homework. Teachers cannot always give each kid immediate attention. Teach your kids to wait their turn. Activities at home that require patience, such as growing plants from seeds or putting together a multi-piece puzzle, reinforce social skills important to school success.
Team up with teachers. Your kids need to know that you and their teachers are a team. Teachers are the key people in your kids’ school lives and almost always valued allies. Most teachers are dedicated, hardworking professionals with few resources to meet a dizzying array of individual needs.
[Read: How Solo Single Moms Can Raise Confident, Healthy Sons.]
Beware the rumor mill. The parent rumor mill churns endlessly and often without benefit of fact. One parent’s experience or the priorities of a one-issue group likely have no bearing on your priorities. If a “big issue” which does have a school-wide impact emerges, school administrators and the parent-teacher organization will get the word out. Make sure to check your kids’ backpacks every day. Visit the school website frequently for routine updates and general information.
Set aside time to listen. Kids will tell us what we need to know only if we value what they have to say. This means listening intently without interrupting. Trying to multitask mundane chores or sneaking glances at our phones or other devices signals that we’re not paying attention.
As your kids describe their school day, take note of the difficulties highlighted. Some kids find the expectations to work more independently challenging. Other kids may feel isolated and friendless if placed in a classroom with unfamiliar peers. Standardized testing, with the endless practice tests, often feels daunting.
Whatever your kids may share, it’s important to express empathy and respect for their feelings. Shouting, name-calling, or using other deliberately hurtful words has no place in a home where respect for one another is valued. Such behavior will certainly not be tolerated in the classroom.
Take time to process complaints about the teacher. Problems with your kid’s teacher can stress you out. When your kid tells you the teacher doesn’t like him or the work is boring, it’s tough to know how to react. Just as in any relationship, issues emerge only to disappear just as quickly. The “mean” teacher you heard about Monday night is often “really cool” by Wednesday.
[See: 12 Questions You Should Ask Your Kids at Dinner.]
Badmouthing teachers in front of your kids is never a good idea. If you disagree with a teacher about an assignment or how a particular situation was handled, keep this difference of opinion between the adults. Undermining a teacher’s credibility or authority is particularly harmful to kids growing up in a single-parent home. Your kids may already struggle with contradictory expectations and demands from parents who live in separate households.
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Here’s How Single Moms Banish Back-to-School Stress originally appeared on usnews.com
