As a new school year begins, parents aren’t just feeling the pinch in their budgets to buy basic back-to-school supplies and essentials — they’re often feeling pressure from their kids to purchase expensive designer jeans, name-brand sneakers and the latest gadget. While giving in to such lavish requests may appear overindulgent to an outsider looking in, for some parents it’s an opportunity to make up for lost time due to work. Other parents may simply want to help their kids fit in.
“Parents too often define being a good parent by making their children happy, which often entails giving in to their wants,” says Dr. Paul DePompo, founder of the PCIT Institute of Southern California, a clinic that offers parent-child interactive therapy. “Parents are the only creatures that can really feel their child’s feelings. Unfortunately, this makes it harder to set limits when their kids are showing pain from potential embarrassment about standing out or being made fun of for not being cool.”
Other experts agree. “Busy parents often feel guilty they are not around, so they use the lavish items as surrogates to help a child feel loved. It eases their guilt for being less available as a parent,” says Dr. Kimberly Williams, a pediatric neuropsychologist in New York.
Giving in to every name-brand request, regardless of the reason, could do more harm than good, experts say. Instead, parents should guide children to understand spending decisions, become smarter consumers and build confidence to stand up to peer pressure.
[See: How to Talk to Millennials About Money.]
Minimize the influence of materialism. Brand exposure begins at a very young age and has a profound effect on children. Kids as young as 3 years old recognize logos and make judgments about other children on the basis of brand usage, according to a 2010 study published in Psychology & Marketing.
“Parents should assess their own values and determine what message about money, spending and saving they are sending to their children,” Williams says.
Turn it into a teachable moment. Parents should seize this opportunity to teach a very valuable and important life lesson on money management and spending by allowing their kids to make their own purchasing decisions. Children need to learn how to budget and make their own decisions in order to understand the value of money, says Maggie Stevens, parenting coach and author of “Parent Fix: When Parents Change, Kids Change.”
“If you just hand your child money and buy them what they beg for, you are doing them a disservice,” she says. “You will be better off if you use this and other parenting moments to teach your child how to make responsible decisions.”
[See: 10 Money-Saving Websites to Check Before Shopping.]
Discuss family finances openly. Having an open conversation about family finances helps children understand the dynamics of a budget and how everyone contributes to managing it, as well as why parents can’t give in to every request and demand for a new item.
“It’s important for children to know that parents have financial goals they are working toward, which sometimes requires budgeting, saving and setting limits,” Williams says. “When buying a special brand-name item, discuss with your child the work efforts required to provide it to help them understand that such items are a result of hard work and don’t just magically appear.”
Talk about the power of branding. Discussing advertising strategies and how companies target kids will help children become more resistant to the pressure to keep up with certain brands and the pressure to be “cool,” says Anna McAlister, associate professor of marketing at Endicott College, and co-author of the 2010 study on children and brand usage in Psychology & Marketing. She encourages parents to talk openly with their children about how companies target kids with advertisements and brand messages.
“Including them in adult conversations challenges them to think in adult ways,” she says. “Once kids realize that advertising sometimes bends the truth, and that companies are profit-driven, some will refuse to be sucked into buying the next great gadget.”
[See: Basic Money Lessons You (Probably) Missed in High School.]
Justify the no. When parents say no to certain purchases, a battle often follows. To ease the frustration for both parent and child, it’s important to justify the response with a specific reason. For example, parents can explain that they can’t purchase a certain item because it is not in the budget.
“It is easier for a child to accept an answer when there is justification behind it,” says Ken Taylor, founder of 39 Ideas, a marketing consultancy, and author of “Persuaded by the Seven Deadly Sins of Decision Making and Influence.” “Always use the word ‘because’ as a persuasion-booster. Our mind unconsciously and automatically perceives a legitimate rationale, even when there isn’t one.”
Build competencies to grow confidence. Kids develop confidence not from parents telling them they’re great, but from their achievements, big and small. Parents need to provide opportunities for kids to practice new skills and make mistakes and encourage them to keep trying. Confidence is crucial in helping kids overcome peer pressure in school.
“When they feel confident in an area at school, they can build more social resilience,” DePompo says. “Parents can specifically praise bravery, doing things on their own, good manners, friendliness, fairness, patience, good eye for fashion to help reinforce the good pro-social behaviors needed for social confidence and self-esteem.”
Role-play situations of criticism. Parents can help children stand up to potential bullies and grow their confidence by acting out situations of criticism, providing guidance on different things they can say or do to overcome torment.
“Role-playing with your child with an assertive response will help them stand confidently,” DePompo says.
Take action against bullying. Children are so heavily influenced by brands that they often judge or shun classmates who do not keep up with certain material items, and this can go as far as bullying. Children who wear different clothing or appear as though they can’t afford what other kids consider “cool” are at risk for being bullied, according to StopBullying.gov. If parents think their child is being bullied, they need to be doing more than buying the coolest sneakers. Families can take action by speaking up at their children’s schools and find the resources needed to raise awareness about this serious issue through resources such as HealthCharities.org.
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Don’t Buckle Under the Pressure to Buy Name-Brand Products for Your Kids originally appeared on usnews.com
