Oriana Murphy wanted to enjoy a memorable bachelorette outing with her girlfriends — literally memorable. “I didn’t want people to be wasted on my trip and not remember what we did,” says Murphy, who is in recovery from alcohol and drug misuse.
So, on Memorial Day weekend in 2015, Murphy and nine of her girlfriends — seven of whom are also in recovery — partied without alcohol or drugs at the Mexican resort town of Cabo San Lucas. The group, all of whom are in their 30s, rented a house on a bluff over the town and spent their time hanging out at the beach, shopping, dancing at clubs and enjoying a variety of restaurants without imbibing alcohol. “Oh my gosh, it was the best trip ever,” says Murphy, 36, who is a licensed clinical social worker and associate executive director at Sober College, a substance abuse rehabilitation facility for young adults in San Diego and Woodland Hills, California.
The debauched bachelorette or bachelor celebration is an ingrained part of American popular culture. Countless comedic movies, such as the current “Rough Night” and past films like “Bachelorette,” “The Hangover” and “Bachelor Party” have depicted alcohol- and drug-fueled bachelorette and bachelor blowouts that typically involve various levels of debasement for the revelers.
In recent years, bachelorette parties have rivaled bachelor parties in terms of alcohol- and drug-fueled excesses, says April Masini, who provides relationship advice online on her “Ask April” advice forum. “Bachelorette parties started to get out of control when they became directly competitive with raucous bachelor parties that had their tradition in a last blast before monogamy,” she says. “A stereotypical bachelor party could include excessive booze, strippers jumping out of cakes or being ordered en masse like pizzas. The pendulum has swung, and sober bachelor and bachelorette parties are [increasingly popular].”
[See: 11 Strategies for Staying Sober While Traveling.]
Addiction and alcoholism clinicians applaud sober bachelorette and bachelor celebrations. Such events demonstrate it’s possible to have a good time without booze or drugs, and they cut down the odds that someone in recovery might slip up and relapse. “I think it’s a really great idea. It’s about time that people realize they can go out, have fun and celebrate wonderful events without alcohol or drugs,” says Howard Samuels, founder and chief executive officer of The Hills Treatment Center in Los Angeles. “It’s called getting high on life. I think it’s a positive experience. Alcohol and drugs are so embedded in our society that if you think about it, it seems that nobody can go out socially and enjoy themselves without some sort of mind-altering substance.”
If you’re in recovery and want to plan a sober bachelorette or bachelor event, experts recommend these strategies:
1. Choose your guest list carefully. Invite enough people to have a good time but not so many that it will consume your time and finances, says Anita Gadhia-Smith, a psychotherapist who practices in the District of Columbia and Maryland and the author of “From Addiction to Recovery: A Therapist’s Personal Journey.” “When we plan a guest list, we think we have to invite everybody we know, but we don’t,” she says. “Prioritize who’s essential to this event, who’s directly impacted your life and meant the most to you.” It’s OK to invite friends who drink but aren’t alcoholic. Most people who drink socially don’t have any problem eschewing booze, Gadhia-Smith says. Keep in mind that not ordering alcohol saves money, which can be used for an upgrade in the type of house, hotel or venue you rent, says Ellen DiResta, director of business development for Transcend Recovery Community, which has nine residential treatment centers in Los Angeles, Houston and New York City.
[See: 4 Opiod Drugs Parents Should Have on Their Radar.]
2. For out of town events, find a location where there’s plenty to do. For her bachelorette trip, Murphy chose Cabo San Lucas because it offers lots of fun activities. You don’t want to go somewhere that doesn’t have many things to do other than lounge by the pool or hang out in the bar, she says. “I think people will sometimes drink when there’s nothing else to do,” she says. If you’re planning a bachelorette trip, for example, think about whether the location you’re considering has plenty of good restaurants. “Eating can be a joyful activity when you’re with a bunch of friends,” Murphy says. “We had an Italian food night, a Mexican night. You can spend three or four hours in a restaurant eating and talking, and that’s your evening.”
3. Plan well in advance if the event is out of town. Make arrangements at least six months ahead for a bachelorette or bachelor trip, Murphy says. That allows your guests time to arrange taking time off work and, if necessary, arrange child or pet care. Such planning also gives you the opportunity to set up a payment plan, she says. One person can pay upfront for the event on his or her credit card, and guests can make monthly payments, she says.
[See: 7 Health Risks of Binge Drinking You Can’t Ignore.]
4. Watch your sugar and caffeine intake. Eating too much sugar and consuming more caffeine than necessary can be issues for sober alcoholics, particularly those in early recovery. The body converts alcohol to sugar, which causes a spike in blood sugar levels. When people who misuse alcohol quit drinking, their blood sugar levels drop and they have sugar cravings. “Sometimes people in recovery want a boost or a substitute for alcohol, and they may consume sugar or caffeine,” Gadhia-Smith says. “Be responsible in your intake so you don’t end up a jittery mess all night.”
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How to Plan a Sober Bachelorette or Bachelor Celebration originally appeared on usnews.com
