The only role almost as stressful as being a job seeker is that of a loved one supporting them. Family members and friends may recall the challenges of providing support for a deployed service member during active or reserve military service. While a civilian job search may not be as worrying from a fear of physical harm, it can offer unique emotional trials, especially since the roles and requirements of the job search supporter can be less clear. A careful consideration and understanding of the best ways to be helpful, therefore, will go a long way to smoothing the processes for job seekers and supporters alike. Six tips will help direct the friend or family member into activities that are the most productive and helpful.
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Collaborate With Job Search Planning
A good job search campaign will have a clear objective that derives from the veteran’s diligent work in self-understanding and goals. It is vital that a spouse or significant other have input and buy-in for that plan. After all, a spouse may be making career and life decisions of his own to support his wife’s career decisions as she transitions to civilian life. It is both fair, prudent and reasonable that both agree on the major trade-offs like location, lifestyle, finances and other stresses.
Encourage Clarity of Thought
The anxiety brought on by job search can be such that the job seeker may engage in decision-making that is counterproductive or even harmful. For example, a veteran may try to talk themselves into a role that is patently unsuitable with their goals and abilities out of the sheer panic of “needing a job.” A veteran, who left a promising military career because he did not want to “miss his children growing up,” will not be pleased with a sales or executive position that requires four days per week on the road. It is perfectly justified for the loved one to remind the job seeker of the original objectives of the search in a firm but sympathetic manner.
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Schedule Regular Update Meetings
It may sound unduly formal, but many couples report that having a weekly or biweekly sit-down meeting will help keep each other informed regarding the job search progress. Most job seekers dread the daily “How was the search today?” question especially on a day that may have produced little advancement or even disappointment. The job search process is always an emotional roller coaster. One moment the job seeker may feel like he has more opportunities than he can manage. The next, he may feel like a complete “loser” with no hope or prospects. By formalizing the meeting to once or twice per week, the couple can continue with their regular lives the bulk of the time and leave the career talk to concentrated bursts of engagement. The regularity and relative formality also act as a form of discipline for the job seeker to organize and present his or her progress in the context of the plan. Just the act of preparing for this meeting will have a beneficial impact on the job search itself.
Be a Brainstorming Partner
Since the most effective job searching outcomes usually derive from networking, the friend or family member can offer support by leveraging her network as well as the primary job seeker’s. Being observant about social details, including where people work and whom they know, are essential building blocks of an informational interview networking plan. It also allows the spouse or relative of the job seeker to sink their teeth into a concrete problem like “Who do we know who works in logistics at X Corporation?” rather than just worrying without purpose.
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Do Not Nag; Provide Accountability
Job search is taxing and even the most skilled employment seekers can procrastinate or suffer from call avoidance. No one likes to be nagged by a family member or friend, but some people need the accountability of a third party to maintain the discipline of the job search process. This does not mean that the person should harshly judge the job seeker, but focusing on goals and outcomes can help the veteran stay on track. Diplomacy and tact are critical in this sense since most job seekers experience delicate egos during the job search process, but accountability is necessary.
Be a Normal Friend
The last tip may seem obvious but, in many ways, it is the most critical. Job seekers need exercise, recreation, fun and even hugs. The toughest combat veteran needs to know that he or she is not alone, that someone “has their back” and loves them unconditionally. There is a reason why Marine and Army infantry doctrine calls for two-man fighting holes in land combat defense. Job search is a lonely process but a well-supported individual acting as part of a team can accomplish more than a lone wolf.
Many veteran family members in part look forward to the transition from military life so that they can stop playing the role of the dependent supporter and live a more normal life. It can be a surprise to learn that their support is now more important than ever. Follow these six tips and the veteran lucky enough to have the love and support from a family member or friend will be well on the way to a bright future.
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6 Tips for Friends and Family in Support of a Veteran’s Job Search originally appeared on usnews.com
