When it comes to money etiquette, nothing is set in stone.
“Etiquette … is not some rigid code of rules,” says Daniel Post Senning, co-host of the Awesome Etiquette podcast. “We operate in a world that’s increasingly casual, increasingly diverse and complex.”
So, while it’s important to understand the basic principles of proper money manners, you don’t have to unthinkingly follow outdated behavioral codes. Here’s what to know about old-school money rules that no longer apply to today’s world.
[See: Check, Please: Paying the Bill in 6 Awkward Situations.]
“The guy pays for the first date.” This age-old advice doesn’t apply to modern-day relationships, some experts say. Here’s why: Today’s couples may include a woman who outearns the man, a same-sex couple or a pair who met on a dating app. “Not every relationship looks like it did years ago,” says Diane Gottsman, national etiquette expert and owner of The Protocol School of Texas.
While both daters should bring enough cash to cover the meal (in case they need it), etiquette dictates that the person who does the inviting should pick up the tab, no matter the gender, experts say.
Of course, tradition doesn’t die quickly, and sometimes the man may insist on picking up the tab. But keep in mind, especially in a world of mobile apps and awkward first dates, that sometimes splitting the bill may be more comfortable for both parties. “Many people want to stay on an equal footing and don’t want to put themselves in someone’s debt,” Post Senning says.
New rule: The person who does the inviting should pay the bill. But always bring enough cash to cover your meal … just in case.
[See: 7 Signs Your Romantic Partner Is Financially Unstable.]
“The bride’s family pays for the wedding.” Tradition dictates that the woman’s family pays for the wedding while the groom’s parents pay for the rehearsal dinner. But today’s weddings often look very different, experts say. It’s not unusual to see newlyweds foot the entire wedding bill — or to see the groom’s parents pitch in beyond the rehearsal dinner.
“Today, people are getting married later in life,” Gottsman says. “They have good jobs, and they have specific expectations [about the ceremony and reception] and they are comfortable covering their own costs.”
Couples navigating the complicated combination of family, finances and the spend-happy wedding industry should be honest and upfront about their financial goals and spending limits, Post Senning says. “The big rule today is that you communicate,” he says.
New rule: When it comes to who pays for the wedding, anything goes. But if your families are involved, be candid with each other about your financial limits.
“The parents pick up the tab at a family dinner.” “In the past it was assumed that when you went out to dinner with parents, regardless of what age you were, you let the parents pay,” Gottsman says.
But in today’s world, where parents may be on fixed income or have pricey medical bills, kids can offer to pick up the tab. “It’s no longer a tradition that parents pay for the meal,” says Elaine Swann, a lifestyle and etiquette expert based in San Diego.
One classy way to make sure that your parents let you grab the check, Post Senning says, is to step away from the table, pull aside the waiter and hand him your credit card. That way, the check never comes to the table — and your mom and dad don’t have the chance to make a grab for it. “That’s a delicious curveball to throw someone,” Post Senning says. “Don’t argue when the check comes to table. Pay it ahead of time.”
New rule: Kids can offer to cover the meal. If you want to treat your parents, let the waiter know in advance that the meal is on your tab.
[See: 12 Ways to Be a More Mindful Spender.]
“Your wedding gift should cover the cost of your dinner.” When you’re a wedding guest, outdated etiquette rules state that your wedding gift has to cover the cost of your food. In other words, a more upscale wedding requires a more decadent gift while a modest ceremony allows for a cheaper present.
Forget that old-school rule, experts say. In today’s wedding landscape, where guests may be traveling to another state or country just to attend, your gift should reflect two things: your budget and your relationship to the couple.
Not only is it financially immature to overspend on a friend’s wedding gift, experts say, but it doesn’t match the spirit of the occasion. “It’s pretty crass, in my mind, to think of a wedding as an exchange,” Post Senning says.
New rule: Your gift should reflect your budget and well wishes for the couple. If you’ve traveled to a far-flung destination wedding, then consider a more modest gift. If you’re especially close to the newlyweds, then consider boosting your gift value.
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4 Outdated Financial Etiquette Rules That You Can Ignore originally appeared on usnews.com
