A common challenge for many teens is interacting with adults.
When I recently dropped off my son and his friends at a high school function, I noticed that some kids respectfully shook hands with the chaperone and others just walked past. As a parent, I was in awe of the confident kids that approached the unknown authority figure. As a therapist, I wondered why some kids avoid interacting with adults.
My initial thought was that technology is to blame for the decreasing level of respect that youth show those who are older than them. Today’s teens spend so much time looking at screens that they have become uncomfortable having face-to-face interactions. In fact, an Elon University study found that smartphones have decreased both the quality and quantity of face-to-face communication. But while technology plays a role, changes in our society are also partly responsible.
[See: 7 Ways Technology Can Torpedo Your Health.]
In years past, children remained closer to home, playing in their neighborhoods, doing household chores and working in the family business. There was a general belief that children should be seen and not heard. Kids learned to respect adults.
Modern families are different than past generations with dual working couples and single-parent households. In addition, we encourage our children to explore the world, do community service and stand up for what they believe. Teaching children how to be respectful has become a challenging task as kids spend less time at home and more time with their peers.
Further complicating matters is that the teenage brain is still maturing. An underdeveloped frontal lobe makes it difficult for adolescents to regulate emotional expression, engage in complex problem-solving and make sound judgments. Teens are still learning how to think and can find it difficult to understand how their attitudes affect others. Still, while the brain is partly to blame, teens do want to be good citizens, and they will respond to adult guidance.
Parents should frequently discuss behavioral expectations. Many children are uncomfortable interacting with older individuals, and they will appreciate the guidance, even though they may not admit it. Tell children to look adults in the eye, use sir and ma’am, shake hands and show gratitude. Teenagers should understand that respect is both an action and an attitude.
[Read: How to Keep Teens From Turning Their Smartphones Into Weapons.]
Children will always push parental buttons, and it is common for any caregiver to inappropriately react to a negative situation. But kids need to be respected, as they tend to treat others the way they’re treated. Through emotional awareness, most adults can simultaneously discipline their children while also treating them with dignity. Don’t scream, belittle or humiliate; rather, enact appropriate consequences in a rational manner.
Parents are the most important role models children have. Emulate a gracious demeanor by treating your spouse with courtesy, holding the door open for an elderly couple entering a restaurant and speaking kindly to service professionals. If mom and dad are going to sincerely teach children how to be respectful, then they must continually act in a respectful manner. Kids are always watching.
To transition a respectful attitude outside the family household, parents need to provide opportunities for their children to interact with older individuals. Create situations where adult interactions naturally occur. Have a family friend to dinner or arrange a fun activity with an aunt or uncle. Bridging the gap between generations will foster a teen’s confidence when talking to authority figures.
Kids also have natural opportunities to speak with trusted adults on a daily basis. Encourage your child to ask a teacher for extra assistance, talk with a coach about his weekend and say hello to those they see on a regular basis. It’s through these interactions that young people learn to act socially mature.
[See: 12 Questions You Should Ask Your Kids at Dinner.]
Despite the best efforts of their parents, children will make mistakes. Keep a sense of humor and look for teachable moments. By focusing on the positive and celebrating achievements, your maturing child will learn to show respect to others, and may one day teach his or her own children to do the same.
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Teaching Teens to Respectfully Interact With Adults originally appeared on usnews.com
